Archive for October, 2009

Anything Can Happen on Halloween!

Well, Happy Halloween, everyone! I’m celebrating by working on a 2-D Design project! Woohoo! I guess that Josh is a parade or something. Whatever. I feel bad for him. Does anything ever happen in New York?

But no matter how you’re celebrating All Hallow’s Eve, it’s really complete until you’ve feasted your eyes on this wonderful scene from an 80’s Halloween movie called The Worst Witch starring none other than Mr. Tim Curry himself.

No words can describe the magic that is this song. The wonderful technology of the green screen was utilized to perfection, and Tim Curry’s smooth, British voice brings the amazing lyrics to life. His mid-verse orgasm also adds a level of inappropriateness not seen in children’s films before. Please enjoy. I’ve already watched it three times today:

And just for fun…


3 Video Premiere!

Good morning everyone!

And happy holidays! Today is BriEaster, the day that we celebrate the resurrection of Britney Spears’ career after having those two babies. It is marked by the release of Blackout in 2007.

As if that wasn’t that enough reason to celebrate, today is also the day that the “3” video has been released, and personally, I LOVE it!

Please witness it for yourself:

Click me to see the 3 video!!

Seriously, I love this video. It features all the things that I appreciate in life: a half naked Britney Spears, seeing Britney Spears grind up on sexy girls and boys, new dance moves performed by Britney Spears, girls hanging on poles, and, most importantly, great cinematography!!

This video features an element common in many Brit vids: cutaways to a sexy Britney dancing/rolling around/touching herself/touching other people. It doesn’t feature any kind of “story” like “If U Seek Amy” or “Womanizer” did, but that’s okay because it’s just a chance to show off how good looking she is.

These are some of my favorite parts, time-stamped for your convenience:

0:05 – LOVE the built in Fantasy advertisement.

0:47 – The second I know that this will be a masterpiece.

0:50 – Oh shit!

0:54 – Look at what she’s wearing!!

1:10 – Josh and I will learn this dance.

1:26 – Dayuuuum!


2:05 – Sexy move. And that dancer has the Hebrew alphabet tattooed around his arm!

2:10 – LOL at her ponytail!!

2:19 – Holla at faux lesbianism!

2:26 – Who is that bitch?! Focus on Britney!

2:31 – Oh wow. That psycho camera work was kind of off-putting.

2:45 – She does a cute little nose scrunch.

3:00 – LOL! Why didn’t she go into acting??

Savannah Isn’t So Bad…

So first, Hedwig and the Angry Inch came to the Bay Street Theatre at Savannah’s Club One.

Then tonight was The Rocky Horror Show. Starring, of course, the former Ms. Hedwig as the current Dr. Frank-N-Furter. And bitch turned it out! It was so much fun and sexy and sparkly.

Clearly, this is becoming my favorite place in the great city of Savannah.

I was mildly disappointed when I saw the next announced play. I had never heard of it. I was hoping for REPO! The Genetic Opera, because that would complete my unholy trinity of favorite musicals. Instead it was a play called Mr. Marmalade. I looked it up and I’m ashamed of my initial skepticism because it looks so fucking good!

Lucy is a four-year-old girl with a very active imagination. Unfortunately, her imaginary friend Mr. Marmalade doesn’t have much time for her. Not to mention he beats up his personal assistant, has a cocaine addic-tion, and a penchant for pornography and very long dildos. Larry, her only real friend, is the youngest suicide attempt in the history of New Jersey. MR. MARMALADE is a savage black comedy about what it takes to grow up in these difficult times.

Britney bless queer Savannah theatre!

Paranormal Activity

No, this post will not be about the new film of the same title, but rather about something that has happened in our own lives which is perfectly summed up by the phrase “Paranormal Activity”.

Last night Forrest, Nishita, Josh and I were iChatting:

There we are! Don't we look happy?

There we are! Don't we look happy?

After about an hour, Josh left, and then iChat started freaking out. First, it did this:

Video Snapshot of maraudngplatypus-3-1

That scary picture of Josh is the one that remained on the screen even after he had signed off. But it did that weird thing in the middle where Nishita would be. (Oh, and Forrest just turned his sephia effect on, it didn’t do that.)

Then it just died, and when Nishita would invite us back, it would just immediately die again.

So, after a few times of Nishita inviting us and it dying, the most horrifying thing I’ve ever witnessed happened.

She invited me and Forrest, and it just never showed a video of her. It was just a still picture. On Forrest’s side, there was also a still picture. BUT NOT OF HIM. It displayed an error message and I was trapped. Alone with still-Nishita and not-Forrest.

Here is the photographic evidence:

Video Snapshot of kneeshetah

WTF????? Can anybody explain what has happened?!? Clearly, that individual is NOT FORREST. But why did he pop up when Nishita invited Forrest? It is clearly a human being, and it kind of looks like he’s in a dorm room, too. And why is his face so close to the camera!?!

This has been plaguing us since last night and I think that we all had nightmares. Can someone explain this paranormal activity??


I just had to share this incredible piece of artwork with somebody. It’s the poster to Andy Warhol’s Chelsea Girls and I can’t believe that I’ve never seen it before. This makes me want to go to art school and study film to one day make something this amazing.


Oh…I guess I’m pretty lucky then!

Happy Birthday, Divine!


Today, October 19, would have been Divine’s 64th birthday. Don’t know who Divine is? Leave.

Just kidding! I’m all about educating the ignorant!

See, for the past couple weeks my life has been kind of Divine-centric because I’m doing an informative speech on John Waters for Public Speaking. I love saying “300 pound drag queen” out loud in a classroom setting. I didn’t even realize that Divine’s birthday was coming up, so it’s kind of a nice coincidence. Anyways…

Divine was born Harris Glenn Milstead in a suburb of Baltimore, Maryland. Today he’s best known for eating dog shit at the end of Pink Flamingos.

Chubby and effeminate, he was beat up every day and eventually required a police escort to and from school. Which is where teenage John Waters would see him, standing on the corner every morning, and became fascinated by him.

Oh, I’m sorry. Do you not know who John Waters is? How retarded are you? Seriously, I can’t explain everything. You can just read his Wikipedia page. Jesus.

Anyways, so through the mutual friend of David Lochary, Divine and John met up. John was just starting to make movies, and at first, Divine was a mere back up player.

But noticing the star quality, he soon got all the main parts and was christened “Divine”.

He pretty much always played a woman who was the picture of trashy glamor. Van Smith, Dreamland’s make up artist, would even shave Divine’s hairline back to the center of his head to make enough room for the glamorous eye makeup and high arched eyebrows he imagined:

The picture of beauty.

Divine went on to star in the infamous Pink Flamingos as well as Female Trouble. After taking a break from Waters’ movies to star in some plays in New York and London, he returned to play Tracy Turnblad’s mother in the “accidental family film” Hairspray. (A role recently and embarrassingly reprised by Mr. John Travolta.)

Unfortunately, this leads up to his death. Divine died in his sleep from an enlarged heart the day before he was going to start his part in Married…With Children.

In addition to John Waters movies, Divine made disco music, threw big parties and was an excellent shop lifter. (According to John Waters, he once walked out of a store holding a TV and a chainsaw, so questions asked.)

But anyways, I’m so glad that Divine existed and that he immortalized so many insane characters that will keep people laughing forever. And it’s always nice to have another role model for all the misfits and losers out there.

Happy Birthday, Divine! Wherever you are.


Hey, Obama: Equality We Wanna!

On Sunday, October 11, 2009 Josh and I met in our nation’s capitol to march for LGBT equality with a few hundred, thousand other people.

This march had been planned for awhile, and I really wanted to go, but being in Savannah, Georgia made it kind of problematic. On Friday the 9th, I saw a Facebook status advertising an empty car seat, and I jumped at the chance to go, despite not really knowing the person offering or the people I was going with. That evening, I was in a car with three new friends embarking on our ten hour, all night drive. We were going as a part of SCAD’s Queers and Allies club, and another girls in the club is from Virginia, so she offered her house as a place to stay.

However, I only stayed there one night because on Saturday I was able to meet up with Annu (who goes to George Washington University) and Josh, who was able to take a four and a half hour bus down to D.C. This constituted the first leg of our J+E<3 Reunion Tour (with it’s next planned event being the weekend of November 20th in NYC). The three of us spent Saturday together, and after failing to find a cuhrazyy D.C. party go to, Annu took us on a tour of the monuments at midnight, which was pretty cool. We got back to her dorm around 2ish and Josh and I made a fort under the covers of the bed we were sharing and passed messages by typing them into the text message field of my cell phone – until we decided that that was just overly ambitions and instead went into the hallway to talk for a few hours with Annu. It was nice to be around people that you have a history with again.

Oh, wait. I forgot to mention that we went by the White House during the day and guess who we saw outside?? BO OBAMA GOING ON A WALK!!! Yeah, for real.

The next morning we got some coffee and Josh and I headed off to try to find my SCAD group, which ended up being impossible because of the many, many people that were there. But luckily, we were able to meet up with Emily!

We went to two Prop 8 rallys back in San Diego…but this one was a bit more of a big deal. There were literally people from every state and people who were straight and gay and everything in-between and just a lot of people who were coming together for something that was important to them, which is always pretty cool to see and be apart of. The march led up to the lawn of the capitol building where the rally started. There were many speakers from celebrities, to politicians and just to normal people. They focused a lot on youth also, which was nice. And of course, we were excited to hear from Cynthia Nixon, Michelle Clunie (aka Melanie from Queer as Folk!!) and, of course, Lady Gaga (please notice, by the way, that baby Lady Gaga has to stand on a box to look normal-sized at the podium)!

Anyways, what else can be said? This is obviously an important issue – to us, this generation, and just to human beings in general. If we have to march again, I’ll be there.

It was nice to get to be around Josh again, too. I haven’t been able to talk about Tim Curry for a whole month.

10535_1188734392563_1054410163_30599877_1552976_n(Photo stolen from Emily Rutherford.)

(The title of this post, by the way, refers to my favorite rally chant that we heard. It was actually performed by some overly-ambition marchers who were chanting it while walking to the starting point of the march.)

Overheard on the Bus

I remember when John Waters told me (well, me and the rest of the hundred people at his show) that he gets his best dialogue ideas from eavesdropping on the street. Lines like a son asking his father, “Why is Mommy crying?” and the father responding, “Because you’re an asshole!”

Well, I’ve been lucky enough to here some pretty good lines on the bus so far. Last week there was this one:

Girl: Yeah, I think I’m gonna get a few more big ones. [In reference to her tattoos]

Boy: But they’re so expensive! Where do you get the money?

Girl: I get child support every Sunday.

Now, there are two clear interpretations for this. Is she getting child support from her own dead beat dad…or from her baby’s daddy?

Then today, I heard this one:

Girl #1: I quit smoking last week, but I wish I hadn’t.

Girl #2: Do you want a cigarette? I just bought a pack.

Girl #1: Okay!

It’s always good to help a friend, right?

I love taking the bus because people tend to talk really loudly with no discretion. I like to then obsess for the rest of the ride about how these people’s lives work. It’s okay to eavesdrop in the name or art, right?

1, 2, 3 Not Only You and Me

Well, today Brit’s “3” is out on iTunes, and you’d better buy it! As of this posting, “3” is number 4 on the iTunes Chart! That is so wrong! That bitch Miley Cyrus is number 1! Buy the single to put Britney where she rightfully belongs: at the top.

Or on top?

On that note, and in the spirit of “3”, I’d like to make a list of possible candidates for a fantasy threeway with Britney. There’s you, Brit…and then who else?

1. Beyoncé


Pros: Mz. B probably owns some sexy lingerie and she and Britney could preform a nice duet.

Cons: I’d be scared of Jay-Z’s wrath. Also, they might get in a divalicious catfight. Then again, that might not be such a bad thing…

2) Paris Hilton


Pros: Paris could score us a swanky hotel suite in any city we wanted. And remember her sexy performance in REPO’s deleted scene “Come Up and Try My New Parts”? That bitch is sexy! I would fuck her soul.

Cons: I’ve already seen that shit. Plus it would be in every tabloid the next day…which, again, could be a good or a bad thing. And to quote Brit, her “pussy is hanging out” in the above photo. And does that cross the line into trashy? Or is that what I’m doing right now in fantasizing about my dream three-way partner with Britney?

3) Dr. Frank N Furter


Pros: Where to begin…

Cons: He’s def not into long-term commitments.

4) Nomi Malone


Pros: The Nomes definitely knows what she’s doing in bed (or in the pool (or in the backroom)) .

Cons: She might expect to be paid for her inclusion, and she would probably be on drugs at the time. Also, there’s no telling what diseases Brit and I would be left with after she goes. But she probably wouldn’t even do it because a) she’s “not a whore” and b) she’d probably be on her period.

5) Rum Tum Tugger


Pros: The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat!

Cons: He has so many admirers that it might be hard to ever get him alone (or, alone with Brit and I).

6) Patricia Heaton


Pros: She’s so sweet and endearing on the outside…she must secretly be wild.

Cons: That bitch wouldn’t show up. She’d get “held up” somewhere.

So there you have it. Who would you consider to be in your three-way with Brit?

And don’t forget to buy “3” on iTunes!!

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