Hi Santa, I know it’s been a while since I’ve written to you, but now that I have this blog, I feel like it will finally reach you up there in the North Pole (you just really can’t trust USPS these days you know).
I also realize it’s kind of late to be writing to you, since you must already be finishing your rounds in Japan and Australia at the moment. But it’s the 21st Century, so surely you have a laptop with you on that sleigh? And I’m positive that you subscribe to our feed via Google Reader, like all loyal Bosh readers do, right?!
How is your health? Elaine must have caught something bad because she threw up yesterday (how embarrassing…) and I hope you didn’t catch the same thing. Are you and the missus still enjoying an invigorating sex life? If not, I can forward you one of those e-mails I always get, you just gotta ask.
You see Santa, this Christmas, I’m not even going to ask you for anything (especially since I’ve already received everything I ever could’ve wanted, i.e. The “Showgirls” VIP Box Edition, and BRITNEY SPEARS TICKETS). This Christmas is all going to be about you.
So Santa, to help you out a bit, here is a list of people you shouldn’t even BOTHER visiting tonight. Don’t even waste your precious time on these naughty people.
- Elaine (she’s Jewish)
- SHE (I don’t need to tell you the story again do I?)
- Nomi Malone
- Andrew Carver
- Adnan Ghalib
- Kanye West
- Kevin Jonas
- Joe Jonas
- Nick Jonas
- John McCain (but Sarah Palin can get a present because she’s just too folsky)
- Yes on Prop 8
- Mr. Blagojevich
- The girl who stole Elaine’s officer position in GSA
- Kevin A., the Santa Imposter (who gave me a lump of coal in SAVY Club)
- Miley Cyrus
- Tigger, my Chihuahua for his insatiable desire for my leg.
There you go Santa, I hope that little bit helps you a lot!
Expect some cookies at my house Santa, while you drop off my new car!
Hello Bosh readers!
Today marked a semi-important day in the lives of Josh and Elaine. Today, Early Action decisions came out. Elaine eagerly awaited a letter from Emerson College, and Josh jetted home to see Yale’s decision.
So I’m going to cut all the bullshit and the suspense, but we were both…. drumroll please…. Deferred!
Here are our separate reactions to this disappointing news:
JOSH– Oh. That doesn’t suck. Hmmm… I guess I have to apply to all the other schools now won’t I? Oh well. Oh hey! Look they have stats… I guess I didn’t do that bad. “This year Yale admitted 13.4% of the Early Action pool, deferred 47.6%, and denied 38.3%,” says Admissions Office. At least this letter has proper English grammar. And at least Elaine got deferred too. I wonder why they didn’t like me… was it because of Britney? That might freak people out. Or maybe it’s because they could read my mind and knew Yale wasn’t my first choice and that I was just taking advantage of their non-binding Early Action program? They are smart cookies those Yale folk. Now I’m going to call Elaine and reassure her that she’s not a nub…
ELAINE–WTF IS DEFERRAL??!?!?! WHY THE HELL DID I WORK MY ASS OFF TO GET EVERYTHING DONE BY THE EARLY ACTION DEADLINE ONLY TO GET DEFERRED???? I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! I HAVE TO CALL JOSH!!!!!! Oh. Josh said that it means that they don’t want to accept all the Early Action people so that there are no spaces left for the Regulars. But still. I’m pissed and dissappointed. And embarrassed that I actually spent a few moments meditating on getting accepted. I was just really anxious for an answer and didn’t even realize that “deferral” was an option. So I feel kind of frustrated. But oh well. I only have to wait four and a half months to find out the read decision for my top choice. At least I finished the application. And at least I wasn’t flat out rejected. It still sucks.