Posts Tagged 'california'

Evil has a name and it is “Chili Peppers” [UPDATE]

Every once in a while, man encounters evil. It is only upon this encounter that man finally realizes the serious magnitude of evil.

Friends, family, and Boshers. I have encountered evil.

July 7th, according to this blog, marks the anniversary of Elaine and I’s discovery of Santana’s Mexican Grill. You could say July 7th is our Epiphany (which is an obscure Christian holiday that I only know about because it is celebrated in France by hiding a bean in a cake).

Not too long ago, Elaine, hartknight (this is not his exact real name), and I began a very mature facebook group called, “Santana’s is da SHIT!” in retaliation of another group’s proclamation that a local Mexican eatery called “Chili Peppers” was better than SMG.

Blasphemy. Pure blasphemy.

Unfortunately I had never actually eaten anything from this “Chili Peppers” place, so I wasn’t really fit to judge it.

That is why today (which is actually yesterday now that it is 1:35AM), Elaine and I decided that we were going to eat there.

We had been eyeing a rumored “popcorn chicken burrito” but saw no such thing on the menu. So I thought I would compare the California Burrito to SMG’s own famed California Burrito. How stupid was I? I should’ve taken little Jake Fineman’s touching testimonial to heart… this shocking  true story was left on the “Santana’s is the da SHIT!” wall:

“I have joined this group because I ate Chile Peppers last night and it gave me diarrhea, which has kind of turned me off.”

Poor little Jake Fineman.

My California Burrito was terrible. The tortilla wasn’t right. There was too much cheese and not enough tomato. The carne asada was dry and tasted and shredded apart like pork– which isn’t good since it’s supposed to be beef.

All was okay until about 6 hours later, when I started getting a mild upset stomach. I was over at hartknight’s house watching a movie and it didn’t bother me all night until I got home around 12:30AM. After a stool that felt like fire, I thought there was worse to come. Luckily, the burning shit was the worst of my condition… so far.

My stomach still does not feel completely right. I also had In-N-Out tonight, but I know it wasn’t it because my funny stomach started before I took a single bite of my burger.

I really am lucky for not getting diarrhea. Thank you Britney.

So please, PLEASE, do NOT eat at Chili Peppers! Don’t sell your stomach to the devil!

Here is my own little spell for casting away the Chili Pepper demons; use it well!

My stomach full of rotten burrito

Beseeches the elements of moon and water

To cast off the horror of rolled taquito

(even though taquito’s are really just small tacos in Spanish)

Calm stomach fire oh water!

Cool rectal burn oh moon!

And soothe the demons that I have bothered

By eating at Chili Peppers, a bafoon.

SO MOTE IT BE!

Just chant those words three times and any upset stomach or diarrhea you are experiencing because of Chili Peppers should go away!

Or you could just take some Pepto Bismol.

Be Wary!

Josh

P.S. Sorry this post was so graphic… Upton Sinclair didn’t leave out any details in The Jungle and look what it did for food safety.

UPDATE: I did get a little diarrhea last night. The waxing moon was not in my favor.

Celebration…Almost

First of all, I am beyond thrilled to have this man as the president:

Josh and I had just finished our shift standing a hundred feet from a polling place with a No on Prop 8 sign, and right when we got into the car and turned on the radio we heard Mr. John McCain saying “…and I concede the presidency…” we were shocked and surprised. It was quite a nice moment. A good story for  “Where Were You When You Heard that Barack Obama Was Elected”?

But…

I can’t quite completely celebrate.

Obviously (no on) Prop 8 was something that I was passionate about, and I am beyond disappointing and frustrated at it’s passing.

(To be fair, it’s not OFFICIAL, official. There are still votes to count. We haven’t conceded. But all the other headlines are declaring it’s passing).

I’m just heartbroken. I truly believed that it would fail. That the people of California would be above “writing discrimination into the constitution” in the year 2008.

I just don’t understand. And they abundance of Yes signs around Scripps Ranch make me want out more than ever.

Standing on that corner (in La Jolla) the night of the election also gave me hope. There were lots of honks, thumbs up and fists in the air. People walking by stopped to thank us and tell us that they voted no. Upon seeing us, a mom asked her daugher, “Christina, remember when we talked about marriage? Did you think that a boy could marry a boy?” The little girl nodded and smiled.

However, despite Christina’s backing , children posed our only opposition.

A little girl no older than eight sat in her dad’s pick up truck, and when she was stopped at a red light, looked at us and gave us a big thumbs down and scoweled.

At around 7:30 PM, a boy probably between eleven and fourteen rode past us on his bike. He yelled “Faggot!” as he rode us.

It was the parents of these children who passed Prop 8.

But the fight is just beginning. Court cases are starting today. And there’s definetley something to be said in that they only won by four percent.

But enough of that…

Barack Obama is such a success for America. And for maybe the first time in my short life, I feel proud to be an American.

(But not proud so much a Scripps Ranch-ian or a Californian).

Yes on Prop 8?!

Now, I understand you love Jesus and everything, but Prop 8? What are you? From the stone age?

If live in California and you interact often with the LGBT community (or in my case, have a friend who is obsessed with the LGBT community) then you must have heard about Prop 8 before. Basically the Proposition wants to add to the California Constitution that “marriage is only between a man and a woman”.

I was really confused why anyone would ever vote yes on Prop 8. Who on earth would want to deny rights to fellow neighbors? Who on earth would ever deny two people the right to be a family?

But then I saw this ad. And suddenly I was enlightened:

I was enlightened; I realized– supporters of Prop 8 are just stupid cunts! Otherwise they wouldn’t believe this bullshit!

That’s right. I went there. I used the c-word.

Personally, I’m not familiar with the fairy tale “King & King” and I must have been absent the day of 2nd grade when they told me that princes could marry princes. I also must have been absent the day when the fact that princes could marry princes destroyed everybody’s psyches.

So then I started looking for more reasons to support Prop 8 and I was told that a marriage should be between a man and a woman because it was the way “nature” wanted it to be. Men and women are “meant to procreate” and thus a marriage where no procreation takes place is not valid.

Thanks for demeaning the human race as procreating creatures. Since when has marriage been solely a means for having children? What happened to marrying for love?

Really, I only care because Ellen DeGeneres is a lesbian and I’m really looking forward to a wedding invitation. I also just really hate people who would work so hard to deny other people’s happiness.

Let’s face it, if your kid doesn’t learn about homosexuality from school, who will they learn it from? Wouldn’t you prefer for your kid to learn about it in a safe environment?

Why do you want your kid to be a cunt like you?


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Elaine:

elgray21@student.scad.edu

Josh:

jl3456@columbia.edu