Posts Tagged 'tim curry'

The Tale of P. Heaton

I need to address something.

For quite a while now, the search term that most people have used to find Bosh With Elaine and Josh is “patricia heaton”, or some variation, including: patricia heaton+ sexy, patricia heaton pics, patricia heaton see through, etc.

I am extremely disturbed by this trend for two reasons. Mainly  because Patricia Heaton is an inconsiderate bitch, and secondly, she really isn’t that sexy.

When Josh and I attended Comic Con 2009, we experienced her cuntiness live and in person.

You see, we were so excited to see Ms. Heaton that we even decorated Josh’s car for her. She was going to be there to promote her upcoming family sitcom, “The Middle”. (I still can’t figure out why Comic Con was an appropriate venue for this.)

"Pheat is Phat"

"P. Heaton or Bust"

Then we got inside and luckily found out that not only was she screening her TV show…she was also signing autographs!

We got into line and anxiously waited to have a few blessed moments with Pat.

Patricia, Josh, and Elaine

She was nice enough when we spoke to her, and Josh even made her laugh. (Although I can’t remember what it is that he said now.)

We planned the rest of our day around the screening of her show. Now that we were personal friends with her, we HAD to be at the screening, not like we weren’t planning to before anyways, but now we had a relationship to maintain!

The screening was off the grounds of the the Convention Center, so we hauled our giant-ass Harry Potter bags full of free shit over to the nearby hotel ballroom and found seats, ready for P. Heaton. We were given bags from Mom Logic filled with pudding and cartoons.

It was time. The anticipation grew. Everybody was getting tense. Some lady walked up to the podium, clearly to introduce Patricia Heaton. Instead, she claimed that Pat was stuck on the floor of Comic Con and couldn’t get to the screening.

How is this even possible?! Clearly, people would have made way for PATRICIA HEATON, star of “Everybody Loves Raymond” and the Albertson’s commercials, had she simply said, “Excuse me,” and gently nudged her way through the crowd!

However, as the lights dimmed and we watched the pilot of “The Middle”…it became clear what Pat decided not to show up. The show was pretty shitty.

And she didn’t even look sexy in it.

And that is why I hate Patricia Heaton, and why it is so ironic that she is currently the main search term that is getting people here. But if your masturbatory fantasies did get you here looking for Patricia Heaton induced orgasms, could you please spend a moment in the comment section explaining her appeal? Because I just don’t get it. And did you know that she’s a conservative, pro-life Christian?

Oh, and as for the person who got to this blog with the search term “what does a bleach stain look like on a black t-shirt”, it looks like this:

Fashion Trend Alert!

What do Tim Curry and Britney Spears have in common? Besides for being objects of worship, they’re also making stains fashionable. In a world where people are too scared to go out with something on their clothing, Tim and Brit and standing up and saying, “I have stained my clothes and I am proud.” We would be wise to follow their example.

Tim Curry's famous bleach stain, as witnessed by Josh and Elaine at the LA Festival of Books in May of 2008.

Britney Spears, shopping in January of 2010 with two stains on her top.

We will continue to cover this fearless fashion trend and let you know how it progresses in American culture. Stain on, brothers and sisters. Stain on.

Anything Can Happen on Halloween!

Well, Happy Halloween, everyone! I’m celebrating by working on a 2-D Design project! Woohoo! I guess that Josh is a parade or something. Whatever. I feel bad for him. Does anything ever happen in New York?

But no matter how you’re celebrating All Hallow’s Eve, it’s really complete until you’ve feasted your eyes on this wonderful scene from an 80’s Halloween movie called The Worst Witch starring none other than Mr. Tim Curry himself.

No words can describe the magic that is this song. The wonderful technology of the green screen was utilized to perfection, and Tim Curry’s smooth, British voice brings the amazing lyrics to life. His mid-verse orgasm also adds a level of inappropriateness not seen in children’s films before. Please enjoy. I’ve already watched it three times today:

And just for fun…


Father’s Day Wishes

Today in America we are celebrating Father’s Day. A “holiday” in which you honor the paternal figures in your lives, and more specifically, the man whose sperm helped create you.

But what about those men who never had children? Here’s the guys who I wish were daddy’s, because their children would bring sunshine to the world:

1) Elton John


Really I’m only thinking of the child here. Can you imagine the incredible life that he or she would lead? Spoiled wouldn’t even begin to cover it. Diamond encrusted pacifiers, designer baby clothes, and mandatory music lessons from eighteen months on. He or she would be over-educated about art and, would get to live in the nicest houses. And when daddy Elton was off making music and daddy David was off making documentaries, baby John-Furnish would surely have the most accommodating nannies.

2) John Waters


This child would end up in two ways: a) completely deranged and the leader of some underground movement, or b) shy and mortified of everything, rarely leaving his room. What would this child think when he inherited all of John’s bizarre modern art (and John’s own art) and other strange collections? And how could would you react to knowing that your own father had the brilliant idea of having a three hundred point drag queen consume dog feces for the grand finale of the most disgusting movie ever made? Enthralling to the rest of the freaks of the world, his own spawn would more than likely be horrified. While the child would have an awkward adolescence, it would be sad for John Waters to leave the world without an heir to his throne of filth.

3) Tim Curry


This is mainly for the selfish reason that this would be a good looking addition to the world. Obviously, the child must be raised in England to inherit Tim’s sexy accent. The child would also have to take acting lessons, but would constantly be competing with his dad’s Rocky Horror persona. Eventually, he would become frustrated and would become a staunch-y, pundit on some conservative cable network. Tim would be disappointed, but in his heart he would understand and would allow his child space. Finally, the child would apologize for his callow and jealous ways, and he and Tim would sing a beautiful duet of “I’m Going Home”, among other songs, in their dazzling two-man Broadway show, Curry & Son.

4) Jay-Z


Only because his wife, Beyoncé, would make a fierce line of maternity wear and she would be a sassy mommy.

Giving Thanks

Well, it’s that time of year that Americans take stock of their lives and give thanks for what they have. Here is a list of people and things that I (Elaine) am thankful for:

  • Britney Spears
  • Tim Curry
  • Richard O’brien
  • My iPod
  • CATS 2-disc London recording
  • That I got to see Eddie Izzard over the summer
  • My dogs and cats (despite always being covered in pet hair)
  • My well-worn teddy bear, Dudley
  • Vh1 reality shows
  • Netflix
  • The Internet
  • My red and purple room
  • That next year I’ll be writing this from a dorm room
  • My family (most of the time…)
  • And my best friend in the whole world, who really gets me and can basically read my mind: Sandra!

What are you thankful for?

PS I’m also very thankful that Brit’s beating Slipknot by about 400,000 in the Fuse contest! Keep voting!

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