Posts Tagged 'movies'

Happy Birthday, Divine!


Today, October 19, would have been Divine’s 64th birthday. Don’t know who Divine is? Leave.

Just kidding! I’m all about educating the ignorant!

See, for the past couple weeks my life has been kind of Divine-centric because I’m doing an informative speech on John Waters for Public Speaking. I love saying “300 pound drag queen” out loud in a classroom setting. I didn’t even realize that Divine’s birthday was coming up, so it’s kind of a nice coincidence. Anyways…

Divine was born Harris Glenn Milstead in a suburb of Baltimore, Maryland. Today he’s best known for eating dog shit at the end of Pink Flamingos.

Chubby and effeminate, he was beat up every day and eventually required a police escort to and from school. Which is where teenage John Waters would see him, standing on the corner every morning, and became fascinated by him.

Oh, I’m sorry. Do you not know who John Waters is? How retarded are you? Seriously, I can’t explain everything. You can just read his Wikipedia page. Jesus.

Anyways, so through the mutual friend of David Lochary, Divine and John met up. John was just starting to make movies, and at first, Divine was a mere back up player.

But noticing the star quality, he soon got all the main parts and was christened “Divine”.

He pretty much always played a woman who was the picture of trashy glamor. Van Smith, Dreamland’s make up artist, would even shave Divine’s hairline back to the center of his head to make enough room for the glamorous eye makeup and high arched eyebrows he imagined:

The picture of beauty.

Divine went on to star in the infamous Pink Flamingos as well as Female Trouble. After taking a break from Waters’ movies to star in some plays in New York and London, he returned to play Tracy Turnblad’s mother in the “accidental family film” Hairspray. (A role recently and embarrassingly reprised by Mr. John Travolta.)

Unfortunately, this leads up to his death. Divine died in his sleep from an enlarged heart the day before he was going to start his part in Married…With Children.

In addition to John Waters movies, Divine made disco music, threw big parties and was an excellent shop lifter. (According to John Waters, he once walked out of a store holding a TV and a chainsaw, so questions asked.)

But anyways, I’m so glad that Divine existed and that he immortalized so many insane characters that will keep people laughing forever. And it’s always nice to have another role model for all the misfits and losers out there.

Happy Birthday, Divine! Wherever you are.


Good Bad Movies and Bad Bad Movies

Last night a friend invited Josh and I to her house to watch a movie. Since we were nearby, we visted one of those magical Red Box things outside grocery stores where you can rent a DVD for one dolla. They had a really broad selection, everything from Milk to never-seen-the-light-of-day shitty horror movies.

We decided on a movie that displayed a picture of a nearly naked lady holding two guns. It was called Stiletto and the description used the word “sexy” twice. You can’t go wrong with that.

We knew that it would be bad. But I don’t have a problem with that. I love bad movies. Too much (remember the Showgirls party?). However, it became apparent around fifteen minutes into the movie that Stiletto was unfortunately not a good bad movie, but a bad bad movie.

And the difference you ask, between a good bad movie and a bad bad movie? Well, let me begin my thesis here:

First of all, let me say that budget has nothing to do with it. Stiletto was clearly made for under a million with a rented camera, and it sucked. Showgirls was made for $45,000,000 and is arguably the worst movie ever made. But it’s also one of the most entertaining, memorable and life-affirming films of the twentieth century.

A good bad movie must take itself completely seriously. It must not be in on the joke and must be made with Oscar-winning intentions. For instance, the film Powder about an albino teenager with mystical powers.Or Obsessed starring Beyoncé Knowles.

A bad bad movie understands its limitations. Like all of John Waters’ movies.

A good bad movie also must have an element of bizarre-ness that pushes it over-the-top. Like Mommie Dearest, or one of my personal favorites, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. Because a movie like Stiletto, which tries to be very  realistic just comes across as boring when it doesn’t have the budget or the means to be done well. But when you have an insane transsexual murdering with a samurai sword, well,  that’s just so in another world that any ties to reality are unimportant.

In the end, there’s nothing better than a good bad movie. And the only thing that’s worse than a bad bad movie is a good good movie. Fucking Oscar winners. I would rather have a tattoo sanded off my arm with a belt sander than watch Titanic*. Even the best Oscar winner of all times, The Silence of the Lambs, has some elements of good bad movie-making in it.

So, sorry Stiletto. You are in the awkward place of sucking so bad that you’re neither entertaining nor slightly compelling. Your future lies at the bottom of the Cheap DVD bin at Wal-mart. Right next to Kill Cruise starring Elizabeth Hurley.

*I really would not. That is an exaggeration and a reference to the film Stiletto.

What Elaine and Josh will be doing on Saturday.

I’m sure you’re curious how we’ll be spending our weekend, so I’ll be more than happy to tell you.

The Lifetime TV network is having a special marathon this weekend titled “Love Gone Wrong” where they’re showing only the best quality movies where, well, love goes wrong.

None other than our favorite actress in the whole world, Elizabeth Berkley (no offense, Jessica Harper!), will be staring in a movie called Dark Beauty. Here is the riveting plot description:

Starring Elizabeth Berkley
A businessman thinks he’s hit the jackpot when he meets the woman of his dreams. But when he learns that her previous spouses died under mysterious circumstances, he begins to wonder if she’s actually his worst nightmare.

Sounds like a true masterpiece. It starts at 1 PM Pacific Time. Support Elizabeth and watch it!



PS On Lifetime’s website, they have a wonderful gallery called “Elizabeth Berkley: Through the Years”. They’re all beautiful photos of Elizabeth moving through the different stages of her career, but this one is my favorite:


What do you think they talked about?? Do you think that Elizabeth gave Meryl any acting tips?

To the Other Three People That Watch “The Riches”

It’s no secret that I have been obsessed with British, transvestite comedian/”actor” Eddie Izzard since ninth grade.

I’ve religiously memorized his stand-up routines and rented all his shitty movies. (Sorry, Eddie!)

I even got to see his show live this summer <33333

But one of the most exciting things for Eddie fans was the television series The Riches. And unlike many of his other acting pursuits, it was actually good.

For those of you who didn’t watch it (i.e. anyone who is not an Eddie Izzard fan) the show follows a family of gypsy/con-artists who, through a wacky series of events, end up assuming the identity of a well-to-do family, and have to live the lie.

Well, do the fact that no one watched it (despite it’s critical acclaim and Emmy nomination) it was canceled. It ran two good seasons. It will be deeply missed.

But I read today that…

“I’ve posed to the heads of FX and TBS that we want to make a film. And they said, “Right, we’ll support you.” “Eddie hopes to raise finances for the silver screen version of The Riches on the Internet. He also wants to make it a “road move, shooting in Louisiana and New Mexico, everywhere that they steal,” he exclaims. “We’ll do it by the skin on our teeth.” (from OK Magazine)

Please, please Jesus/Allah/Buddha/God/Secret/Mother Nature let this be true!!!!

Because I feel like I know Mr. Eddie Izzard, I know that this would mean the world to him.

And if they got those same quirky writers and elements of the show, it would be really good!

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