Archive for August, 2010

I’ve Seen the Future, and It Was in 3-D

Josh and I were lucky enough to see the masterpiece film Piranha 3D the day it came out. The crowd at San Diego’s premier theater was rather small, but the movie was anything but.

I will sum up the 89 minute film for you in two pictures:

Girls! Girls! Girls!

Gore! Gore! Gore!

Really, what more could you want??

Basically, the “plot” reads as thus: right before college spring-breakers invade Lake Victoria, a sudden earthquake releases prehistoric piranhas into the water. The local town sheriff must save as many people as possible…including her children!

To say the movie was entertaining is an understatement. To say it’s in the vein of campy horror films is incorrect, because it is one. A delicious mix of Russ Meyer and Herschell Gordon Lewis, there’s enough nudity, gore, humor, cheesy dialogue and sheer ridiculous-ness to fill three movies. And it’s all in glorious 3D! In a scene like this, you get a contact high!

Piranha 3D‘s success stems from the fact that it know exactly what it is, and full on embraces it. Half way through the film there is an absolute massacre, with hungry, prehistoric piranhas killing hundreds of partying teenagers. A head is smashed, a body is completely sliced through, a girl’s face is ripped off after her hair becomes tangled in a boat motor, bodies fall apart, a piranha eats through someone’s stomach/esophagus and exits via their mouth…all in 3D! Still not convinced that Piranha 3D is the best movie of the summer/year? There’s a silly subplot about a Joe Francis-esque soft corn porn-maker, and we watch his two models (pictured above) cavort, naked, underwater, to classical music for solid minute.

So, friends and film-aficionados, I urge to see Piranha 3D as fast as you can. Run, don’t walk, etc., etc….you won’t be sorry.

(Oh, but don’t don’t bother staying after the credits. We I did in hopes for one last hit of camp, but it turns out, there wasn’t anything there.)

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