Archive for August, 2009

10 Things About Josh

Today has been an emotional day. I’ve been bursting into tears left and right. I spilled some Wild Cherry Pepsi on my laptop and I was nervously waiting for my Apple store appointment, fearing that my new laptop would be dead. Oh, and Josh left for college today.

But I thought that since Josh will soon be making new friends at Columbia, that I would make a list of things that these new people should know. It took me five years to realize all these things, so I’m doing all these new poeple a favor by just writing them out here.

  1. If you want to ask Josh a question, you need to call him directly. He does this thing where he reads your texts, acknowledges it in his head, and then puts his phone back in his pocket. Occasionally he’ll text back, but if you really need to get an response quickly, just call.
  2. If he says that he’ll be somewhere at 11, he’ll be there at 11:30 at the earliest.
  3. If you ever need to use his cell phone or laptop, it’s all in French. This is just something that you will have to accept.
  4. When Josh gets really excited about something, he puts his hands in his pockets and runs around in circles. Don’t be alarmed. It doesn’t happen too often, but it can be frightening the first time you see it.
  5. He procrastinates a lot. He’s (obviously) really smart, but that’s just the way he works.
  6. Josh will pretty much do anything you ask him if you ask him enough. This is something that he will later feel bad about, as he feels like he says yes too much. This is probably true.
  7. Going off the last point, Josh will join too many clubs and take on too many responsibilities. Be a good friend and try to persuade him to restrict himself from all these things. I want Josh to stay sane throughout college.
  8. Josh doesn’t sleep very much. And if there’s no food around, he won’t eat very much either.
  9. Josh is a slow reader. He’s sort of slow at everything. Of course, this is because he’ll remember it all better later, but just at the time he’s doing it, it seems like it takes forever.
  10. Sometimes Josh just gets overwhelmed by everything and needs a little breaky breaky. It’s best to accommodate these needs. Just give him a Britney Spears CD and let him recover for a bit.

So there you go, Josh’s new friends. Some facts about him and some tips from me. I’m looking forward to meeting you all.

Oh, and my laptop is just working fine again, by the way. Although they keys do feel a little sticky. Does anyone know a good way to clean under the keyboard?

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Interview with Josh and Elaine

YouTube was being nubby the other day, so we were unable to put our the interview of ourselves with the rest of the Bye Bye Britney special features. So here it is! Josh and Elaine interviewed by Rebecca Hodges:

It’s Hard Out Here for a BS Fan

I’m sitting here in Josh’s room helping him pack for college. Well, I’m not helping. I’m writing this. Anyways, we’re blasting the Britney (like always) and Josh commented that it was too bad that he won’t be able to do this in college anymore.

“What? Pack your clothes?” I questioned.

“No you stupid bitch! Pump Britney!” He screamed.

“Why????” I innocently asked.

“BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL THINK I’M A FREAK YOU RETARDED MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!”  He shouted as he choked me to death.

Okay, well, that’s a bit of a dramatization of the scene, but that’s the basic rundown. And then we discovered a strange fact.

There is nothing more mainstream in music or just popular culure in general than Britney Jean Spears. Yet if someone walked into your dorm room while you were  blasting “…Baby One More Time”, they would really think that you were a freak. Yet, if you were playing some alternative band that no ones heard of, you’re automatically hip. It’s confusing.

For the most part, we go the more …I don’t want to say “indie”, but I can’t think of another word…”not mainstream”, I guess,  route when it comes to other aspects of pop culture, and I guess that that’s what makes our obsessively genuine love for Britney even more disarming. I think a lot of people think that we’re being ironic when we talk about Brit so much, but as loyal readers will know, we’re for real.

And that’s why it’s so subversive for us to like Brit. A couple of weird teenagers that tend to hate everything else mainstream. Are we just buying into the marketing of Britney, or are we SO alternative that we like something totally mainstream making it alternative again?

I don’t know. It’s a mystery. All I know is that I already have my Brit pics all ready to collage over my bed. Judge me all you want, bitches, but I know in my heart the goodness that is Britney Spears.

Bye Bye Britney Special Features!

We’ve decided to get high-tech and put the special features to Bye Bye Britney online for you to enjoy forever.

Interview with Rebecca Hodges and Annu Subramanian:

Interview with Forrest Lighthart:

Josh and Elaine go to The Circus Part 1:

Josh and Elaine go to The Circus Part 2:

Josh and Elaine go to The Circus Part 3:

I Am…Britney Spears Fan:

The Circus in photos:

Part 1

Part 2

Josh and Elaine’s film Strawberry Ice Cream:

Strawberry Ice Cream with Director’s commentary:

Enjoy these special features! The interview with us should be added in the coming days.

Now do you want a DVD or CD? Just let us know, give us $5 or $3, respectively, and we’ll mail one to you.

A Tale of Stupidity

As you know, we recently returned from our trip to Seattle/Portland/Canada.  And I just wanted to let you know something I did that was really stupid.

We got the airport in Seattle with plenty of time to wait around. We go to Starbucks (Seattle, by the way, is the only place that it is acceptable to drink from The Devil Coffee Maker), wait around and work on BBB editing. About half an hour before we’re scheduled to board the plane, I decide to go to the bathroom. It’s not like I really had to go, but it’s that I had just drank that White Chocolate Mocha and that I’m not a fan of peeing in airplanes, so I decided that it would be smart to just go then.

So I spot a bathroom sign and start walking. I stop for a little bit at food cart, ponder purchasing some M&M’s, decide against it, stop for a few more minutes to watch a little bird that somehow got into the airport, and then go to the bathroom. Wash my hands, take my time, blah, blah, blah. I exit the bathroom, look wistfully at the M&M’s again, and walk back towards where I came from. But I notice that there was a “no reentry” sign above where I had come from and that there were two security people by it. I think, Hmm, that’s funny, and walk the other way. I don’t understand when I see the ticket counter and baggage check in area. Then I started to panic when I realized that I had walked out of the terminal.

I called Josh, who was in awe of my retarded-ness, and he met me at the point-of-no-return area where he had to hand my ID/boarding pass (which I had, of course, left behind) to the security lady, who then had to hand it to me. I then had to run to security, where I had to use my barely existing assertiveness skills to get to the front of the line. Then I ran to our gate. I didn’t even have time to put my shoes back on. It’s embarassing to run through an airpot holding your shoes.

We were the last people to get on the plane, and the gate closed about three minutes after we got on.

But hey, we got on, and we made it to San Diego, so it all turned out okay.

It’s just that sometimes, I can be a little stupid.

Oh, and I may be stupid, but never immoral. When we were in a gift shot in Victoria, Josh picked up and then dropped a shot glass. It shattered. He walked out the door without a word.

It’s Josh, Bitch!

So the title of this post not only reflects my long absence from Bosh (WordPress tells me it’s been a month!), but it also addresses my selected topic: dorm room decor and first impressions.

First, let’s talk about my return to Bosh. Many of you should be aware of J+E<3 Production’s magnum opus “Bye Bye Britney”, the reason for my lack of Boshing. Add a vacation getaway to the Pacific Northwest, a nervous breakdown, technical difficulties, and a new-found addiction to nicotine and solitaire and that’s basically the last 4 weeks in a nutshell (not necessarily in that order). But now I’m back, and I actually have a lot that I want to blog about, so maybe I might get into one post a day! That is, until I start school and sit in my room and study all day.

Now onto the anecdotal part of the post (why am I using such big words today?).

Last night, I was washing my face and thinking about Britney Spears. The usual. The my sister pops her head in the bathroom and asks:

“So are you ready for college?”

“… I guess so…”

“Do you already know what posters you’re going to bring?”

“Actually I do!” So I showed her the posters I wanted to bring: my cool looking “Kill Bill” poster, my sexy “Pulp Fiction” poster, an art print that I stole from her room, a photograph of the Eiffel Tower, and then I showed her my really special posters: my “Repo: The Genetic Opera” poster, which I don’t think concerned my sister very much, and the real trouble maker, my “The Middle” poster.

Most of you have no idea what I’m talking about when I say “The Middle”, so I’m going to go ahead and post this photo for you.

"The Middle" starring Patricia Heaton.

"The Middle" starring Patricia Heaton.

Yes, that is Patricia Heaton in a unitard and cape. Yes, that is Patricia Heaton’s signature on the poster. Yes, I plan on bringing this to college.

You see, I had to wait in line at Comic Con for 30 minutes to get that poster signed. And even though Patricia Heaton is a bitch, it was worth it. And the poster really just holds too much meaning for me to leave it in San Diego.

Concerned, my sister urged: “Don’t bring that Josh. Are you bringing any posters of Britney Spears?”

“I don’t have any (yet),” (The thing in parantheses was said in my mind).

“Good, don’t bring any. Because your room is people’s first impression of you and you don’t want them to think you’re weird.”

I laughed and went back to washing my face, but it made me think… what do I want people’s impression of me to be? I mean, I’d rather have my room say “It’s Josh, Bitch!” than “I’m another Quentin Tarantino fan, Bitch!”. And if there was a way that I could get my room to literally speak the words “It’s Josh, Bitch!”, I’d do it. Of course, that’d annoy my roommate.

So, in order to help me assess what type of first impression I’m going to be putting out there, I’m going to list what I’m planning to put in my room and what each item says about me. I’ll let you decide which ones are correct first impressions and which are not.

Dorm Room Decor List:

  1. “Kill Bill Volume One” poster says… “I love violence and gore!” OR “I am a serious Lucy Liu fan.” 
  2. “Pulp Fiction” poster says… “LOL at Uma Thurman almost dying!” OR “LOL at sodomy and rape!” OR “I’m a badass motherfucker.”
  3. “Ceci n’est pas une pipe” art print says… “I have a problem with tobacco.” OR “I’m not really an art person, I just like this print because there’s French on it.”
  4. Translates to: This is not a pipe.

    Translates to: "This is not a pipe."

  5. “The Middle” poster says… “My mom is true a superhero!” OR “Patricia Heaton is my IDOL.”
  6. “Repo!: The Genetic Opera” poster says… “I am into some obscure films.” OR “You should watch your back around me.”
  7. “Showgirls” poster featuring a nude Elizabeth Berkley and suction cup pasties says… “I LIKE TITS.” OR “I really have a taste for classic film.”
  8. Eiffel Tower photograph says… “Vive la France!” OR “I’ve never actually seen this landmark in person, but it’s really chic to be into French things.”
  9. Britney Spears poster/collage/life size wax model says… “I love Britney Spears more than anything else on this earth!” OR “I am a flaming homosexual.” OR “I like really edgy music.”
  10. Playbills from various shows such as “CATS”, “Hedwig and the Angry Inch”, and “CATS Jr.” say… “Okay, I’m a freak.” OR “I cried when Grizabella went up into the Heaviside Layer!”
  11. Something Asian my parents will undoubtedly give me for good fortune says… “So I’m Chinese or Japanese or something?” OR “I have no idea what this says, but Asian art fascinates me” OR “I do nail, onry five dolla!”
  12. Various photos of my friends and I say… “See, I’m not a complete loser!” OR “I don’t even know who these people are.”
  13. Scary photo of Anthony Hopkins in “Silence of the Lambs” says… “FLY, FLY, FLY, FLY, FLY…” OR “I ❤ Cannibalism!” OR “This is my idea of attractive.”

Once my room is actually decorated, I’ll take a photo so you can all see how accurately I portrayed myself to unsuspecting people walking into my room.

Peace,

Josh

When Britney Turns Her Back on Us

Okay, here is the story:

We returned from our lovely vacation in the Pacific Northwest and were eager to finish editing Bye Bye Britney. Many sleepless nights later, we had a one hour and thirty two second masterpiece.

We invited everyone to the premiere, got dressed up, rented a venue…and the projector wouldn’t work. We went back to Josh’s house to try to hook it up to the television, to no avail.  And the laptop kept freezing, so we couldn’t even show it projected onto the 13 inch screen for the twenty people there.

For the past two days we’ve been trying to get it onto a DVD, and the laptop chugs along fine, until it gets to “less than a minute remaining”, where it remains frozen for hours.

We went to the Apple store today for help, and the Genius told us that he’d never seen a problem like this, and that iMovie is really just for ten minute family movies, not ninety minute feature films.

Thanks, Genius. Can you give us a free copy of FinalCut Pro? We lack $800 at the moment.

So, he gave us one more suggestion, and we’re trying it out right now. And if the movie fails to export to Quicktime in it’s predicted 12 hours, then we’ll have to put all the clips into a different computer and re-edit the entire fucking movie.

If we never update this blog again, it’s because that situation ocurred and we have killed ourselves.

Sweet dreams,

Elaine


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Contact Elaine and Josh!

Want to say something to us? Don't feel like you can post a comment? No problem! You can get in contact with us here.

Elaine and Josh:

jepartyservice@gmail.com

Elaine:

elgray21@student.scad.edu

Josh:

jl3456@columbia.edu