Posts Tagged 'david bowie'

Bad Movies, Good People

If I am anything, I am a loyal fan. When I find some actor/filmmaker/artist/personality that I really like, I will do pretty much anything for that person. And by that, I mean seeing all the bad movies they’ve been in. I was just thinking about all my famous “friends”, and the absolute shit that I’ve sat through to see them (be it for one brief moment in a Hollywood blockbuster, or a starring role in an independent flop) and I thought I’d share some of them with you.

  • Band of the Hand

I saw this lost gem for that little guy in the yellow shirt and dyed hair. That, my friends, is baby John Cameron Mitchell. The film itself if an 80’s movie about a group of five troublemakers, who get the choice of living in the jungle for a bit, or going to jail. They choose the jungle, and learn all about themselves and each other. The Breakfast Club in nature. It obviously sucks. But JCM is so damn cute with his orange hair and painted on tattoos. If we continue The Breakfast Club analogy, then he was the Ally Sheedy character. I will leave you with a quote from a review someone posted on Netflix about this movie that I really enjoyed, “The scenery and photography is artistic and beautiful but not so artistic that it would be considered artsy.” That, ladies and gentleman, is the greatest thing said about any movie, ever. Too bad it was wasted on this piece of shit that no one has ever seen. Except for John Cameron Mitchell, John Cameron Mitchell’s mom, and me.

  • All the Queen’s Men

I’ve seen the most bad movies for my fave British, transvestite, comedian/actor Eddie Izzard (no offense to all the other British, transvestite comedian/actors out there). In his quest for legitimate acting gigs, I think he just took any role that came his way. And no one, no matter how desperate they are, should EVER take a film role opposite Matt LeBlanc. I explored All the Queen’s Men in more detail in this post.

  • Pecker

The only John Waters movie I didn’t like. The only John Waters movie that is just straight up bad. (Note: we have to judge JWat’s films on a different kind of scale, since all his movies are technically, “bad”.) It’s fairly dull, and nothing too exciting happens. A lot of fans hate everything post Desperate Living…but, people, after he got that studio money and mainstream support from Hairspray, he just couldn’t make movies like Pink Flamingos anymore, let’s be real. But, I feel like he managed to work a sort of “filth-lite” charm into other films like Serial Mom or Cecil B. Demented…this one just didn’t work out. The fake trashiness was forced, so that it seemed like someone trying to recreate what they think a John Waters movie should be. Oh, well. They can’t all be winners. And there is a good moment where Christina Ricci screams, “I HATE MODERN ART.” That’s cute.

  • Gunslinger’s Revenge

One of the most laughably bad movies I’ve ever seen. It stars Harvey Keitel, and is an Italian spaghetti western. And also featurs David Bowie. I won’t bore you with the plot (mostly because I can’t remember it) BUT ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW is that David Bowie, who plays the bad guy, utters the following statement to a barmaid: “You’re a lucky woman. I ain’t gonna kill you. Today, I’m just gonna rape you.” BAD MOVIE BLISS.

  • Hudson Hawk

For dear Richard E. Grant, star of Withnail and I. Unfortunately, this big-budget, Bruce Willis-starring, action/”comedy” was no where near similar to the beautiful subtley and British wit of Withnail. The Showgirls of action movies. And not in a good way. REG was cute as the villain with Sandra Bernhard as his partner in crime, though.

  • Say Uncle

And enter the Queer as Folk obsession. Peter Paige, the flamboyant Emmet from QAF, attempted the tricky trio of writing/directing/starring in this “dark comedy”, about a gay man who tries to work as a babysitter in a suburban neighbor, which ends up distressing the residents. Oh, Peter. Stay in front of the camera, my friend. It takes some skill to make a funny movie about supposed child molestation…

  • Particles of Truth

Another attempt by the QAF gang, this time starring the beautiful Gale Harold. (Isn’t Gale a really nice name?) Anyways, this suffers from the same delusion of Say Uncle, with firsttimer Jennifer Elster writing/directing/starring in the film opposite Gale. All I can remember is artsy shots of him shaving (which would definitely be “so artistic that it would be considered artsy”, and not in a good way) and her entering some kind of club and getting mauled by German Shepards and then being raped. I think it was about finding yourself, or some shit like that.

  • Holding Trevor

This was really disappointing, because it took years (literally) to be released on DVD, and once it was, I couldn’t even get through it. Starring the cutest boy in the world, Jay Brannan, it was billed as some kind of gay coming-of-age in the big city kind of thing. Not the most unique story in the world, but anything for my little, shaved, singer/songwriter. Long story short, I hated all the characters and didn’t give a shit about their identity crises. Not even Jay was enough to finish the movie. Why does all gay, independent cinema suck so bad? (That’s another post all together!)

And that’s just a sampling of some of the sucky-ass movies I seen for the people I love. And we didn’t even talk about The L Word gang, or Elizabeth Berkley’s Lifetime movies! . Why do I torture myself like this? I wish I knew. I just love collecting these bad movies, I suppose. And seeing these people move through their careers really touches me. I mean, look at Eddie Izzard now! From Matt LeBlanc to Tom Cruise!

Anyways, I suppose that the moral of this post is that I lack appropriate judgment skills, and will blindly be led by obsessions with people who will never know I exist to consume all of their work. Is that normal?

Now I really want to re-watch Queer as Folk.

Love,

Elaine

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The Christmas Spirit

Somehow it’s already December 24th and we haven’t even mentioned Jesus’ birthday! Blame it on Josh having finals until the day before yesterday and my new all-consuming obsession with Law and Order: SVU, I guess.

Anyways, here are some videos that are sure to get you into the Christmas Spirit!

Britney, for no apparent reason, yells “Merrrrrrrry Christmas!!” as she runs across the stage. This was in March.

David Bowie and Bing Crosby have their strange little Christmas duet.

Britney and Ellen go Christmas caroling! I frequently fantasize about the the two of them standing at my door singing. There is little in this world that would be better than that.

And, of course, the Christmas scene from Female Trouble where Dawn does not the get the only gift she wanted – black cha cha heels. Her reaction is perfectly acceptable for the situation. This will be what happens in my house if I don’t get my Britney Red Bling Travel Mug. “I hate you! Fuck you! Fuck you both! You awful people! You’re not my parents! I hate you, I hate this house, and I hate Christmas!!!”

So in conclusion, have a very Merry Christmas from all of us here at Bosh With Elaine and Josh.

Love,

Elaine

Elaine’s Christmas Traditions

While most Christmas traditions are meant to take place with family and friends, there are some that I like to participate in by myself in my room. So why don’t you join me? Let’s take the “Christ” out of “Christmas”, and celebrate the holiday the way it should be celebrated!

  1. I rabidly watch this strange, awkward Christmas duet between David Bowie and Bing Crosby over and over. I don’t know what’s better, the little scene that they do before they sing, or the story behind the video: that Bing had never even heard of David and just wanted a young singer. Bing wanted to sing “Little Drummer Boy”, but David didn’t think that it suited his vocal talent, so someone quickly wrote “Peace on Earth”. They met that morning and rehearsed for an hour. Bing said that David was, “a clean cut kid”. Bing died a month later, and it aired after his death. Pure Christmas bliss.
  2. Then I like to preform a reading of John Waters’ classic essay “Why I Love Christmas” from his book Crackpot.  I like to pretend that John is reading it to me and sharing all his  obsessions with me. No matter how many times I’ve read it, it’s still hilarious.                                                                                                        “Why I Love Christmas”
  3. I like to end Christmas with more John Waters, but this time with his touching and inspiring movie, Female Trouble. Nothing puts me more in the Christmas spirit than this! And if I’m too tired from all the holiday joy to watch the whole movie, then I just skip to the single greatest Christmas scene in cinema history:

Merry Christmas!

The Boy Wizard Who Fell to Earth

I am so excited about these pictures of Daniel Radcliffe that were in the October issue of Details:

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Everybody must know that these pictures are modeled after one of the greatest films ever made: The Man Who Fell to Earth.

What? You’ve never heard of The Man Who Fell to Earth? Well, ladies and gentlemen, you are truly missing something special.

It is an adaption of a sci-fi novel that tells the story of Thomas J. Newton, an alien, who comes to Earth in search of water for his dying planet. However, he falls to the corruption of the American ways and fails to return home.

Oh yeah. It also stars David Bowie.

It’s very unique, indeed, and is quite the experience to watch.

After being exposed to this movie, you will forever have a new vocabulary of references that include: ” the indoor ping-pong room”, “throwing off the wig and up the cookies”, “wet alien sex”, “get out of my mind, all of you”, and most importantly and most memorably: “the gun scene” (which truly is the greatest scene in all of cinema).

I am dying to talk to Harry Potter about The Man Who Fell to Earth. I’m imagining that it’s the reason that he wanted to become and actor and that he’s seen it a million times.

For comparison’s sake, here the pictures of David Bowie in the movie:

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