Hi Bosh. So sorry for leaving you neglected for an entire month. I think that this is the longest time since your conception that you’ve been alone. I hope that you can get over this unfortunate incident, and won’t require any therapy in the future. Let’s look at the bright side, we’re all back together now, so there’s no need to fret!
As an apology gift, I made this for you:
I was going to make it our header, but I decided that it was too busy. I hope that you like it, and that it reminds you of some of the happy times we’ve shared.
But, moving on…
Let’s talk about something more exciting! Something like…summer movies!
You probably won’t be surprised at all to learn that the “summer movies” I’m talking about aren’t Eclipse, Prince of Persia, or Sex and the City 2…but that’s why you love me, right?
So, without further ado,
Elaine’s Most Anticipated 2010 Summer Movies:
1) The Human Centipede
I’ve been following THC hype for quite a few months now, and finally, this twisted little piece of filth is being toured around the country, to be pointed at and mocked, just like it deserves. What? You’ve not heard of The Human Centipede? Well, I think we all know by now that this is a family website, so I won’t go into the details here, but please, read up at the film’s website. Obviously, this is the type of movie that is not getting a wide release (not even a limited release!), so be sure to see it when it comes to your town!
2) Life During Wartime
Todd Solondz is exactly the kind of freak that I love. This is the mind that brought you Welcome to the Dollhouse, Palindromes, Storytelling, and the ultimate in darker-than-dark-comedy, Happiness. To that very film, he’s created a sequel, catching up with the three sisters and their fucked-up lives’. Starring Paul Reubens (aka Pee-wee Herman) and Ally Sheedy, this is sure to be most horrific comedy of the summer! (Limited release starts July 23.)
3) Piranha 3D
IMDb gives the synopsis to this sure-to-be ground-breaking film, as: “After a sudden underwater tremor sets free scores of the prehistoric man-eating fish, an unlikely group of strangers must band together to stop themselves from becoming fish food for the area’s new razor-toothed residents.” If that alone doesn’t get you excited, then you, dear reader, are dead inside. But truly, only once you watch the trailer will you understand the complete gore filled, camp-fest that Piranha is set up to be. Now: just imagine that in 3D. (Opens August 27.)
4) Love Ranch
I guess that this is a drama, starring Oscar winner Helen Mirren, based on the real-life events surrounding the opening the first legal brother in Nevada. But all I see, is Gina Gershon in a bikini. (Opens June 30.)
What can I say? Babies are cute! But considering that the four leads can’t talk, I am a little worried the it’ll get boring…but I always remember that John Waters once said that if a movie gets dull, you can just start to obsess over one detail, like the lamps, and then suddenly, it becomes a whole movie about lamps! This wasn’t a very positive comment on Babies... (Opened May 7.)
6) Trash Humpers
You may be familiar with some of Harmony Kornie’s other films, such as Kids or Gummo (or if you’re really an expert, his fantastically named and impossible to locate short, The Diary of Anne Frank, Part II), and this piece is another look at the most fucked up aspect of culture. It’s about some guys in old-man masks who, among humping trash, smash televisions and steal things. (Technically it’s not a summer 2010 movie since it was made last year, but he seems to be doing an awful lot of touring with it this summer, so I thought I’d include in.) FOR THE RECORD: I have zero interest in seeing this film. I’m just thankful that it exists. (Check the Trash Humpers website to see if the film and Harmony are coming to your city!)
IMdb synopsis: “Elsa and Clive, two young rebellious scientists, defy legal and ethical boundaries and forge ahead with a dangerous experiment: splicing together human and animal DNA to create a new organism. Named “Dren”, the creature rapidly develops from a deformed female infant into a beautiful but dangerous winged human-chimera, who forges a bond with both of her creators – only to have that bond turn deadly.” I’ll never not be excited about stupid movies like this. (Opens June 4.)
8 ) All About Evil
Peaches Christ is the drag queen alter ego of Joshua Granell, a San Francisco based filmmaker. This is his first feature-length film. Before making All About Evil, Joshua ran a summer series that became a staple of the San Francisco film scene called Midnight Mass, in which Peaches Christ would screen the best of cult cinema, featuring elaborate pre-shows and audience interaction. (I think you can see why he appeals to me…) This movie is a love letter to the cult movies that I, Joshua Granell and other freaks around the world adore, with a focus on horror. It stars Natasha Lyonne, Thomas Dekker, Cassandra Petersen (aka Elvira) and Mink Stole. And I have to say, it really touches my heart that here’s this guy, that grew up worshiping John Waters, and now he’s touring the country with Mink Stole, promoting his movie that she starred in! (All About Evil is touring around the country! It’ll be in San Diego on August 21. See if the movie is coming to your city!)
So, those are my summer movie suggestions. But go ahead. Just go see The Karate Kid remake. I won’t judge you for it. Too much.
Lots of love,