This morning (or rather afternoon) I woke up with hopes that I’d be receiving my housing assignment from Columbia. They never told us a specific date other than “Late-June” but I just had a hunch since the housing website said that they were undergoing “updates” until today.
But instead I received a very disappointing email from Columbia Housing:
We know that you are anxious to get your housing assignment. Know that we are working on it and will be in touch with you by mid-July.
Great. Thanks. I’ll wait 15 more days for you to get your shit together.
JK Columbia Housing ILU (and hope you give me my first choice!)!!
But even more stressful than waiting for my housing info is waiting on Emma Watson!
Before last week I had learned to cope with the fact that Emma was going to Brown– but then came JustJared who said he had “proof” that she was actually coming to Columbia. The proof? A listing in the student directory under “Charlotte E. Watson”, Charlotte being her middle name. Obviously, I was ecstatic.
My hopes reborn, I went to Bwog.net, the coolest, meanest (and only?) Columbia blog, to confirm my dream. But some bitch of a student had to go and prove JustJared wrong. Apparently on LinkedIn there is a real Charlotte E. Watson who went to Columbia.
But now that my hopes have been reborn, I can’t just let them die again! I won’t believe she’s not coming to Columbia until she says she’s not!
So I’ve been checking her official website more than is normal and healthy. The main page hasn’t even been updated since Christmas.
(side note: did you know that Emma is 19?? Why is she so frickin’ old?)
So please, I’m begging someone reliable! I NEED to know if there is a possibility that Emma Watson will be living on my floor or not!
In preparation, I’ve already brainstormed some options for what to say when I first meet her. She’s asked for some anonymity to live out a normal college experience, so keep that in mind.
- “Hi, I’m Josh… and you are?” This will make her think that I have no idea who she is! Of course the danger is, is that she’ll find out after we become best friends that I lied about not recognizing her.
- “Hey, I’m Josh! I totally recognize you but I’ll let you introduce yourself so that you can feel like a normal person!” Not the strongest option, but maybe she’d chuckle?
- “Hi, I’m Josh! I sit next to you in Lit Hum!” This one will only work if I sit next to her in Lit Hum. And if we aren’t in Lit Hum when I talk to her.
- “Hi, I’m Josh… have you made any friends, because I sure haven’t and I’m desperate!” This one’s just honest.
- “Hi, I’m Josh! I hear you speak French?” This is also a lie– I KNOW she speaks French.
- “I’m Josh, want a beer?” This is probably my best bet to actually talking to her. Hopefully I’ll have a beer lying around.
- “It’s really nice to meet you! What’s it like to go to Hogwarts? I honestly waited by my fireplace for a month after I turned eleven for my letter… It never came.” Once again, honesty, pure and simple.
- “Hi, I’m Josh! Don’t worry about being bothered by people all the time– that’s what James Franco’s for.” That’s pretty funny right?
- “Hi, I’m Josh! I’ll be your friend only if you’re interesting.” Straightforward and real.
- “Hi, I’m… oh.” That’s me attempting to say hello, but then watching her walk away, pretending not to see me.
So which one’s your favorite? Do you have any other suggestions for me?