I thought that The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was long, cliche, pretentious, annoying, stupid, boring, as mainstream as possible, unnecessary, unoriginal, long, and just overall a piece of shit.
Where to begin?
I guess the first thing to say is that this movie has obviously been very well reviewed by critics and movie-goers alike. I guess it’s also fair to be said that have a fairly unique taste in movies and that my mind has been warped by John Waters, Todd Soldnz, David Lynch, etc. But still. I can usually understand why I movie that I personally don’t like is considered a masterpiece (see: Breakfast at Tiffany’s) but this movie was just utter garbage.
I’m sure everybody’s familiar with the story? Baby Brad Pitt is born and old man and then ages backwards.
SPOILERS AHEAD. Also this will probably make more sense if you’ve seen the movie.
First of all, there is no reason for a film to be two and a half hours. Ever. I will stand by this. Even my beloved Showgirls, which stands at two hours and eleven minutes, could have benefitted from some cutting.
Secondly, I hate, hate, hate movies that have the parallel plot thing where it cuts from one story to another story but they actually intersect. There are times when this is passable or in rare situations, necessary, but this was so heavy handed and so overworked and just plan retared that it made me angry. It goes from mom/daughter in a hospital room. (Momma’s dying. Shame.) And then cuts back and forth to Benjamin Button’s story, which was, of course, BEING READ OUT OF A FUCKING DIARY BY THE DAUGHER BECAUSE THE MOM WAS BENJAMIN BUTTON’S EX LOVER. I hate that shit! It’s not clever! It’s been done! You’re not being new, avant-garde or remotely interesting! Just tell the goddamn story! Jesus. Everytime it cut to the hospital room I just wanted to leave. Sure, it’s cute in a children’s movie like The Princess Bride when it’s just there to add a little humor, but this was just annoying as hell. An adult movie doesn’t need any stupid gimmicks like that.
Ever heard of the film Forrest Gump? The screenwriter, Eric Roth, wrote this, too. Sure, I had a love afair with Forrest Gump. When I was fourteen. When I realized how just plain bad it is I moved on. It’s a sweet little movie to watch now and again. But not deserving of any serious praise. Well, Eric Roth (probably in need of a pay check) was smart enough to rework his beloved script, repackage it and sell it again. There are so many similaries to Forrest that I won’t get into it. But if there was a drinking game where you had to take a shot after every situation, character, setting, or piece of dialogue that resemebled Forrest Gump, you would die in the theater.
I hate sentimental, morale filled movies. I keep reading, “It just really makes you think about things differently.” Umm…like what? Not to take anything for granted? To live life to the fullest? To try new things while you still can? To be yourself? THAT’S THE MORALE OF EVERY FUCKING MOVIE EVER MADE! That’s even the morale to Showgirls! And by the way, David Fincher, I don’t need a shitty narration at the end of the movie to tell me the morale. That was cute in Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, but here it’s just embarrassing.
Now, there are some aspects that were good. Cate Blanchett. The makeup design. But I’ll stop there. Because all the parts that actually make up the movie (writing, directing…) were awful. And sorry, Brad Pitt, you’re nice to look at but you don’t deserve a Best Actor nomination.
The fact that it got 13 Oscar nominations (including Best Picture?!) just blows my mind and makes me weep for the film industry.
Of course, they did let Crash win.
Love and peace,