Posts Tagged 'Divine'

Happy Birthday, Divine!


Today, October 19, would have been Divine’s 64th birthday. Don’t know who Divine is? Leave.

Just kidding! I’m all about educating the ignorant!

See, for the past couple weeks my life has been kind of Divine-centric because I’m doing an informative speech on John Waters for Public Speaking. I love saying “300 pound drag queen” out loud in a classroom setting. I didn’t even realize that Divine’s birthday was coming up, so it’s kind of a nice coincidence. Anyways…

Divine was born Harris Glenn Milstead in a suburb of Baltimore, Maryland. Today he’s best known for eating dog shit at the end of Pink Flamingos.

Chubby and effeminate, he was beat up every day and eventually required a police escort to and from school. Which is where teenage John Waters would see him, standing on the corner every morning, and became fascinated by him.

Oh, I’m sorry. Do you not know who John Waters is? How retarded are you? Seriously, I can’t explain everything. You can just read his Wikipedia page. Jesus.

Anyways, so through the mutual friend of David Lochary, Divine and John met up. John was just starting to make movies, and at first, Divine was a mere back up player.

But noticing the star quality, he soon got all the main parts and was christened “Divine”.

He pretty much always played a woman who was the picture of trashy glamor. Van Smith, Dreamland’s make up artist, would even shave Divine’s hairline back to the center of his head to make enough room for the glamorous eye makeup and high arched eyebrows he imagined:

The picture of beauty.

Divine went on to star in the infamous Pink Flamingos as well as Female Trouble. After taking a break from Waters’ movies to star in some plays in New York and London, he returned to play Tracy Turnblad’s mother in the “accidental family film” Hairspray. (A role recently and embarrassingly reprised by Mr. John Travolta.)

Unfortunately, this leads up to his death. Divine died in his sleep from an enlarged heart the day before he was going to start his part in Married…With Children.

In addition to John Waters movies, Divine made disco music, threw big parties and was an excellent shop lifter. (According to John Waters, he once walked out of a store holding a TV and a chainsaw, so questions asked.)

But anyways, I’m so glad that Divine existed and that he immortalized so many insane characters that will keep people laughing forever. And it’s always nice to have another role model for all the misfits and losers out there.

Happy Birthday, Divine! Wherever you are.


Elaine’s Christmas Traditions

While most Christmas traditions are meant to take place with family and friends, there are some that I like to participate in by myself in my room. So why don’t you join me? Let’s take the “Christ” out of “Christmas”, and celebrate the holiday the way it should be celebrated!

  1. I rabidly watch this strange, awkward Christmas duet between David Bowie and Bing Crosby over and over. I don’t know what’s better, the little scene that they do before they sing, or the story behind the video: that Bing had never even heard of David and just wanted a young singer. Bing wanted to sing “Little Drummer Boy”, but David didn’t think that it suited his vocal talent, so someone quickly wrote “Peace on Earth”. They met that morning and rehearsed for an hour. Bing said that David was, “a clean cut kid”. Bing died a month later, and it aired after his death. Pure Christmas bliss.
  2. Then I like to preform a reading of John Waters’ classic essay “Why I Love Christmas” from his book Crackpot.  I like to pretend that John is reading it to me and sharing all his  obsessions with me. No matter how many times I’ve read it, it’s still hilarious.                                                                                                        “Why I Love Christmas”
  3. I like to end Christmas with more John Waters, but this time with his touching and inspiring movie, Female Trouble. Nothing puts me more in the Christmas spirit than this! And if I’m too tired from all the holiday joy to watch the whole movie, then I just skip to the single greatest Christmas scene in cinema history:

Merry Christmas!

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