Archive for the 'Showgirls' Category

Baby’s First Strip Club

Last night a longtime fantasy was fulfilled: I went to a strip club.

Maybe it’s because driving along San Diego’s highways, you always pass them. The purple one, the yellow one, the pink one that offers military discounts…or maybe it’s because of my love for the film Showgirls. But I’d always dreamed of going ingo one.

So after a bit of research, Josh and I, with some other game friends, headed to San Diego’s Les Girls, located by the Sports Arena.

After parking in the alley in front of the club, we began to have second thoughts. But it was too late. We had come too far to turn back.

Entering the club, we were greeted by an older woman who I imagine all the dancers call Mama and share tips with. After paying our five dollars each, we got a hand-stamp which read “Wild Sweet” which allowed us to come in and out until 2 AM. A lingerie clad stripper ushered us behind a curtain and into the show room.

Unlike Nomi Malone’s strip club in Showgirls, which was in a bar, Les Girls is set up like a theater. As we entered, a girl was finishing her set and picking up the dollar bills thrown at her feet by the man sitting by himself in the front row. It was very empty, just that man and us. Well, at least we thought so. Then we spotted the man curled up in one of the booths in back, happily lying on the bench.

We watched three more strippers perform. Their acts went in three parts: an initial dance wearing little clothes, a topless dance, and finally, a nude one. Between these parts, lesbian porn was shown on a monitor onstage to maintain the mood.

Overall, it was kind of odd, but not uncomfortable. It was really interesting to see what real-life strippers looked like. The first two were not what I expected all all. Let’s just say that they didn’t look like Nomi Malone. More like if Nomi Malone ate Cristal Conners, and not in a sexual euphemism way, but literally consumed her. I’m saying that they were fat.

Then suddenly, Veronica was upon us. And that was what I imagined a stripper would look like. When she came back out after her dance to collect her dollar bills with a blanket wrapped around her, we all cheered and she sassily dropped the blanket as she walked out.

Kitty was next. Another perfect specimen. She surprised us by having another girl jump onstage with her and they pulled off each other’s tops and humped each other. Sweet!!

After an hour of watching the naked ladies dance, we decided that it was time to go. We were feeling really mature until we entered the lobby and Mama said, “So are you ready to buy some dances?” We immediately started giggling and ran away.

And that was our night at the strip club. Living in sin is the new thing.

“Showgirls: The Musical” and the Fan Base to Rival Them All.

Elaine texted me this morning that the new revival of “Bye Bye Birdie” was closing earlier than expected– at first I was sad, but then I decided to do some research of my own.

Turns out, “Bye Bye Biridie” is for sure closing on January 24th– but that’s actually 2 weeks after the original closing date. Plus, there’s really no reason for the show to go on past that since John and Gina (that is Stamos and Gershon respectively) will both be leaving the cast on January 24th, regardless of whether the show continues or not.

So that minor tribulation was over, but thinking about “Bye Bye Birdie” led me to think about Gina Gershon, who naturally led me to ponder the cinematic masterpiece “Showgirls”.

At the same time, I was also contemplating my future (“Showgirls” opens the door to deep, insightful thought) and I decided that I would become famous for writing “Showgirls: The Musical”. Obviously, the fan base is crazy enough that they would all need to see it (a blog post explaining why the “Showgirls” fan base is the craziest in the world, second only to Britney Spears’, will be coming soon).

I tried finding any recent info on the previous reported plans for an official “Showgirls” musical but the only really official thing I could find was from 2006… that’s 3 years ago. However, I did find this blog post referencing the project from 2008 and I thought you might enjoy it:

Gina lists her “Top 5 movies that star Gina Gershon”, but amazingly, “Showgirls” isn’t one of them!

Sorry for the small digression– back to my future and writing “Showgirls: The Musical”…

Can I just assume that “Showgirls:The Musical” has died and that I can start my own version? Of course, once I finish it, I’ll mail it to Joe Eszterhas for a look and once he emphatically loves it, he’ll push the studio to help me out. However, he originally had the people behind “Urinetown” working for him, which is actually legit, so maybe I should try other pursuits?

I’m conflicted.

What I Am Thankful For: In Pictures

I ate so much today that my brain can’t create functional sentences. So to celebrate Thanksgiving, I’ll just show you the things that I am most thankful for.

Britney Jeans Spears, and the love she represents.

My obese cat, Sadie.

Nomi Malone, "Showgirls", and the art of film.

Hedwig and The Bay Street Theater.

The Savannah College of Art and Design

This bitch. And my autographed Patricia Heaton poster!!



AUSTRALIA: The Land Down Under HELL

About a year ago from today, Elaine and Josh hosted a fabulous “Showgirls” themed party that was complete with a living room stylized as a stripper bar and an adjacent room for special “private” dances. Coincidentally, many of our friends were hosting Australian exchange students through an exchange program run through our school, so we thought it would be fun for everyone if we invited our friends and their Aussies. However, the success of this party was hampered by none other than those of Australian birth.

Now, I’m not racist– I mean, we cordially invited them as guests to our party– but WTF is wrong is Australians these days? I mean they were wonderful in creating beautiful, popular people like Nicole Kidman and Russell Crowe (and we all know even he has quite the temper), but what went wrong with the rest of this forsaken continent?

I turn your attention to this very disturbing article:


That’s right folks. Australians, blessed with the opportunity to see Britney Spears live, actually physically left the venue demanding for their money back?!! Not only is this sacrilege, it’s also just plain stupid– they didn’t get to see Brit flying through the air during “Breathe on Me”!

They did the same thing to us at our “Showgirls” party, and now they’ve done it again to Britney Spears. Why can’t Australians ever stay at events they promise to attend? It’s obvious that Australians don’t understand or appreciate the beauty of beings like Britney Spears and Nomi Malone.

It’s worth mentioning that the people who left were in the cheap nosebleed seats and were probably old heffers. But they were also Australian, and I think this says more than any of the other descriptions.

So Boshers, next time you encounter an Australian, be wary. They might literally be from Down Under the Earth in the realms of Hell.

P.S. HOWEVER, all the Aussie Brit fans who loved the Perth concert– you are pardoned, and I hope you to stay strong amongst your ignorant neighbors!

Britney Bless One and All,


1, 2, 3 Not Only You and Me

Well, today Brit’s “3” is out on iTunes, and you’d better buy it! As of this posting, “3” is number 4 on the iTunes Chart! That is so wrong! That bitch Miley Cyrus is number 1! Buy the single to put Britney where she rightfully belongs: at the top.

Or on top?

On that note, and in the spirit of “3”, I’d like to make a list of possible candidates for a fantasy threeway with Britney. There’s you, Brit…and then who else?

1. Beyoncé


Pros: Mz. B probably owns some sexy lingerie and she and Britney could preform a nice duet.

Cons: I’d be scared of Jay-Z’s wrath. Also, they might get in a divalicious catfight. Then again, that might not be such a bad thing…

2) Paris Hilton


Pros: Paris could score us a swanky hotel suite in any city we wanted. And remember her sexy performance in REPO’s deleted scene “Come Up and Try My New Parts”? That bitch is sexy! I would fuck her soul.

Cons: I’ve already seen that shit. Plus it would be in every tabloid the next day…which, again, could be a good or a bad thing. And to quote Brit, her “pussy is hanging out” in the above photo. And does that cross the line into trashy? Or is that what I’m doing right now in fantasizing about my dream three-way partner with Britney?

3) Dr. Frank N Furter


Pros: Where to begin…

Cons: He’s def not into long-term commitments.

4) Nomi Malone


Pros: The Nomes definitely knows what she’s doing in bed (or in the pool (or in the backroom)) .

Cons: She might expect to be paid for her inclusion, and she would probably be on drugs at the time. Also, there’s no telling what diseases Brit and I would be left with after she goes. But she probably wouldn’t even do it because a) she’s “not a whore” and b) she’d probably be on her period.

5) Rum Tum Tugger


Pros: The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat!

Cons: He has so many admirers that it might be hard to ever get him alone (or, alone with Brit and I).

6) Patricia Heaton


Pros: She’s so sweet and endearing on the outside…she must secretly be wild.

Cons: That bitch wouldn’t show up. She’d get “held up” somewhere.

So there you have it. Who would you consider to be in your three-way with Brit?

And don’t forget to buy “3” on iTunes!!

Dorm Worries

I just found out today that at SCAD I’ll be living in a triple occupancy dorm. That means me and two other girls. Unfortunatley, I don’t get to find out my two new best friends until mid-August.

A lot of people didn’t want to get a triple, but my thinking is that no matter which roommate I’m with, we’ll always have something to talk about: the other girl*.

But how exactly can I decorate this dorm? I look around my room right now, and it’s a little…out there. Two walls are “grenedine red”, two are “royal purple” (from the Disney collection), and the celing is dark grey. David Bowie is above my bed (which has leopard print bedding) and Britney Spears is hanging next to Hedwig. Iggy Pop is situated under a bulletin board filled with weird things, which goes nicely with my door, which features a collage of magazine pages.

How can I ever live with another person? Let alone two??

And will I have enough room anywhere to hang up my Showgirls wall mural?


Jesus, why do I have to be so fucking weird? Will I have to give up my “Firetrucks in Action” calendar (which is also a “Burning Buildings” calendar, depending how you look at it)? Will I have ample bookself space for my signed John Landis biography or my Mick Rock photography books? What if they look at the picture of Josh and I with John Waters and ask, “Who’s that?”? What if my roomies don’t even like Britney Spears?!

But maybe I’m just getting ahead of myself. I mean, people at art school are obviously going to be creative and open-minded. Right? I mean, I’m sure that they’ll accept me on some level. And I’ll just be sure to be nice to them no matter what. Unless they try to hang up a fucking Twilight poster. Then I’m asking for a new room assignment**.

*And if my future roomies look up this blog and read this, I’m totally kidding!

**Again, just kidding, roomies!

A Formal Apology

Dear Boshers,

I’d like to take this time to formally apologize for the previous post. Josh, or “Jeosh”, was delusional and did not know what he was typing. Please disregard everything he wrote, and know that none of it was factual.

The only true part was that we were lying on the floor watching Showgirls, the rest is a fabrication of Josh’s mind.

Thank you for your cooperation,

The Editors of Bosh With Elaine and Josh

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