Archive for the 'Showgirls' Category

Baby’s First Strip Club

Last night a longtime fantasy was fulfilled: I went to a strip club.

Maybe it’s because driving along San Diego’s highways, you always pass them. The purple one, the yellow one, the pink one that offers military discounts…or maybe it’s because of my love for the film Showgirls. But I’d always dreamed of going ingo one.

So after a bit of research, Josh and I, with some other game friends, headed to San Diego’s Les Girls, located by the Sports Arena.

After parking in the alley in front of the club, we began to have second thoughts. But it was too late. We had come too far to turn back.

Entering the club, we were greeted by an older woman who I imagine all the dancers call Mama and share tips with. After paying our five dollars each, we got a hand-stamp which read “Wild Sweet” which allowed us to come in and out until 2 AM. A lingerie clad stripper ushered us behind a curtain and into the show room.

Unlike Nomi Malone’s strip club in Showgirls, which was in a bar, Les Girls is set up like a theater. As we entered, a girl was finishing her set and picking up the dollar bills thrown at her feet by the man sitting by himself in the front row. It was very empty, just that man and us. Well, at least we thought so. Then we spotted the man curled up in one of the booths in back, happily lying on the bench.

We watched three more strippers perform. Their acts went in three parts: an initial dance wearing little clothes, a topless dance, and finally, a nude one. Between these parts, lesbian porn was shown on a monitor onstage to maintain the mood.

Overall, it was kind of odd, but not uncomfortable. It was really interesting to see what real-life strippers looked like. The first two were not what I expected all all. Let’s just say that they didn’t look like Nomi Malone. More like if Nomi Malone ate Cristal Conners, and not in a sexual euphemism way, but literally consumed her. I’m saying that they were fat.

Then suddenly, Veronica was upon us. And that was what I imagined a stripper would look like. When she came back out after her dance to collect her dollar bills with a blanket wrapped around her, we all cheered and she sassily dropped the blanket as she walked out.

Kitty was next. Another perfect specimen. She surprised us by having another girl jump onstage with her and they pulled off each other’s tops and humped each other. Sweet!!

After an hour of watching the naked ladies dance, we decided that it was time to go. We were feeling really mature until we entered the lobby and Mama said, “So are you ready to buy some dances?” We immediately started giggling and ran away.

And that was our night at the strip club. Living in sin is the new thing.

“Showgirls: The Musical” and the Fan Base to Rival Them All.

Elaine texted me this morning that the new revival of “Bye Bye Birdie” was closing earlier than expected– at first I was sad, but then I decided to do some research of my own.

http://www.variety.com/article/VR1118012029.html?categoryid=15&cs=1

Turns out, “Bye Bye Biridie” is for sure closing on January 24th– but that’s actually 2 weeks after the original closing date. Plus, there’s really no reason for the show to go on past that since John and Gina (that is Stamos and Gershon respectively) will both be leaving the cast on January 24th, regardless of whether the show continues or not.

So that minor tribulation was over, but thinking about “Bye Bye Birdie” led me to think about Gina Gershon, who naturally led me to ponder the cinematic masterpiece “Showgirls”.

At the same time, I was also contemplating my future (“Showgirls” opens the door to deep, insightful thought) and I decided that I would become famous for writing “Showgirls: The Musical”. Obviously, the fan base is crazy enough that they would all need to see it (a blog post explaining why the “Showgirls” fan base is the craziest in the world, second only to Britney Spears’, will be coming soon).

I tried finding any recent info on the previous reported plans for an official “Showgirls” musical but the only really official thing I could find was from 2006… that’s 3 years ago. However, I did find this blog post referencing the project from 2008 and I thought you might enjoy it:

http://filmexperience.blogspot.com/2008/06/gina-gershon-on-showgirls-musical.html

Gina lists her “Top 5 movies that star Gina Gershon”, but amazingly, “Showgirls” isn’t one of them!

Sorry for the small digression– back to my future and writing “Showgirls: The Musical”…

Can I just assume that “Showgirls:The Musical” has died and that I can start my own version? Of course, once I finish it, I’ll mail it to Joe Eszterhas for a look and once he emphatically loves it, he’ll push the studio to help me out. However, he originally had the people behind “Urinetown” working for him, which is actually legit, so maybe I should try other pursuits?

I’m conflicted.

What I Am Thankful For: In Pictures

I ate so much today that my brain can’t create functional sentences. So to celebrate Thanksgiving, I’ll just show you the things that I am most thankful for.

Britney Jeans Spears, and the love she represents.

My obese cat, Sadie.

Nomi Malone, "Showgirls", and the art of film.

Hedwig and The Bay Street Theater.

The Savannah College of Art and Design

This bitch. And my autographed Patricia Heaton poster!!

 

 

AUSTRALIA: The Land Down Under HELL

About a year ago from today, Elaine and Josh hosted a fabulous “Showgirls” themed party that was complete with a living room stylized as a stripper bar and an adjacent room for special “private” dances. Coincidentally, many of our friends were hosting Australian exchange students through an exchange program run through our school, so we thought it would be fun for everyone if we invited our friends and their Aussies. However, the success of this party was hampered by none other than those of Australian birth.

Now, I’m not racist– I mean, we cordially invited them as guests to our party– but WTF is wrong is Australians these days? I mean they were wonderful in creating beautiful, popular people like Nicole Kidman and Russell Crowe (and we all know even he has quite the temper), but what went wrong with the rest of this forsaken continent?

I turn your attention to this very disturbing article:

WARNING: ARTICLE CONTENT NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN! (but click here anyways kids!)

That’s right folks. Australians, blessed with the opportunity to see Britney Spears live, actually physically left the venue demanding for their money back?!! Not only is this sacrilege, it’s also just plain stupid– they didn’t get to see Brit flying through the air during “Breathe on Me”!

They did the same thing to us at our “Showgirls” party, and now they’ve done it again to Britney Spears. Why can’t Australians ever stay at events they promise to attend? It’s obvious that Australians don’t understand or appreciate the beauty of beings like Britney Spears and Nomi Malone.

It’s worth mentioning that the people who left were in the cheap nosebleed seats and were probably old heffers. But they were also Australian, and I think this says more than any of the other descriptions.

So Boshers, next time you encounter an Australian, be wary. They might literally be from Down Under the Earth in the realms of Hell.

P.S. HOWEVER, all the Aussie Brit fans who loved the Perth concert– you are pardoned, and I hope you to stay strong amongst your ignorant neighbors!

Britney Bless One and All,

Josh

1, 2, 3 Not Only You and Me

Well, today Brit’s “3” is out on iTunes, and you’d better buy it! As of this posting, “3” is number 4 on the iTunes Chart! That is so wrong! That bitch Miley Cyrus is number 1! Buy the single to put Britney where she rightfully belongs: at the top.

Or on top?

On that note, and in the spirit of “3”, I’d like to make a list of possible candidates for a fantasy threeway with Britney. There’s you, Brit…and then who else?

1. Beyoncé

beyonce-knowles-mumbai-1027-4_4725b65e56de3

Pros: Mz. B probably owns some sexy lingerie and she and Britney could preform a nice duet.

Cons: I’d be scared of Jay-Z’s wrath. Also, they might get in a divalicious catfight. Then again, that might not be such a bad thing…

2) Paris Hilton

PEOPLE HILTON

Pros: Paris could score us a swanky hotel suite in any city we wanted. And remember her sexy performance in REPO’s deleted scene “Come Up and Try My New Parts”? That bitch is sexy! I would fuck her soul.

Cons: I’ve already seen that shit. Plus it would be in every tabloid the next day…which, again, could be a good or a bad thing. And to quote Brit, her “pussy is hanging out” in the above photo. And does that cross the line into trashy? Or is that what I’m doing right now in fantasizing about my dream three-way partner with Britney?

3) Dr. Frank N Furter

2250546523_57dd0e38cd_o

Pros: Where to begin…

Cons: He’s def not into long-term commitments.

4) Nomi Malone

Showgirls_2.0.0.0x0.432x325

Pros: The Nomes definitely knows what she’s doing in bed (or in the pool (or in the backroom)) .

Cons: She might expect to be paid for her inclusion, and she would probably be on drugs at the time. Also, there’s no telling what diseases Brit and I would be left with after she goes. But she probably wouldn’t even do it because a) she’s “not a whore” and b) she’d probably be on her period.

5) Rum Tum Tugger

tugger1

Pros: The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat!

Cons: He has so many admirers that it might be hard to ever get him alone (or, alone with Brit and I).

6) Patricia Heaton

patricia-heaton-picture-1

Pros: She’s so sweet and endearing on the outside…she must secretly be wild.

Cons: That bitch wouldn’t show up. She’d get “held up” somewhere.

So there you have it. Who would you consider to be in your three-way with Brit?

And don’t forget to buy “3” on iTunes!!

Dorm Worries

I just found out today that at SCAD I’ll be living in a triple occupancy dorm. That means me and two other girls. Unfortunatley, I don’t get to find out my two new best friends until mid-August.

A lot of people didn’t want to get a triple, but my thinking is that no matter which roommate I’m with, we’ll always have something to talk about: the other girl*.

But how exactly can I decorate this dorm? I look around my room right now, and it’s a little…out there. Two walls are “grenedine red”, two are “royal purple” (from the Disney collection), and the celing is dark grey. David Bowie is above my bed (which has leopard print bedding) and Britney Spears is hanging next to Hedwig. Iggy Pop is situated under a bulletin board filled with weird things, which goes nicely with my door, which features a collage of magazine pages.

How can I ever live with another person? Let alone two??

And will I have enough room anywhere to hang up my Showgirls wall mural?

SHOWGRLS-00AA1

Jesus, why do I have to be so fucking weird? Will I have to give up my “Firetrucks in Action” calendar (which is also a “Burning Buildings” calendar, depending how you look at it)? Will I have ample bookself space for my signed John Landis biography or my Mick Rock photography books? What if they look at the picture of Josh and I with John Waters and ask, “Who’s that?”? What if my roomies don’t even like Britney Spears?!

But maybe I’m just getting ahead of myself. I mean, people at art school are obviously going to be creative and open-minded. Right? I mean, I’m sure that they’ll accept me on some level. And I’ll just be sure to be nice to them no matter what. Unless they try to hang up a fucking Twilight poster. Then I’m asking for a new room assignment**.

*And if my future roomies look up this blog and read this, I’m totally kidding!

**Again, just kidding, roomies!

A Formal Apology

Dear Boshers,

I’d like to take this time to formally apologize for the previous post. Josh, or “Jeosh”, was delusional and did not know what he was typing. Please disregard everything he wrote, and know that none of it was factual.

The only true part was that we were lying on the floor watching Showgirls, the rest is a fabrication of Josh’s mind.

Thank you for your cooperation,

The Editors of Bosh With Elaine and Josh

A Drunk Post from Jeosh

Now I am lying on my floor watching Showgirls with Elaine. We did too many shots. Or at least I did. But Forrest is the one in his underwear. Haha he just exclaimed “they’re going to make you have sex NOMI!” That’s funny.

There’s so many boobs in this movie that you just stop noticing after a while.

I’m still surprised I can still type because I can’t really feel my fingers. Or any of my limbs right now. It feels trippy.

I love Britney Spears so much.

Good Morning!!!!!!!

Josh.

Good Bad Movies and Bad Bad Movies

Last night a friend invited Josh and I to her house to watch a movie. Since we were nearby, we visted one of those magical Red Box things outside grocery stores where you can rent a DVD for one dolla. They had a really broad selection, everything from Milk to never-seen-the-light-of-day shitty horror movies.

We decided on a movie that displayed a picture of a nearly naked lady holding two guns. It was called Stiletto and the description used the word “sexy” twice. You can’t go wrong with that.

We knew that it would be bad. But I don’t have a problem with that. I love bad movies. Too much (remember the Showgirls party?). However, it became apparent around fifteen minutes into the movie that Stiletto was unfortunately not a good bad movie, but a bad bad movie.

And the difference you ask, between a good bad movie and a bad bad movie? Well, let me begin my thesis here:

First of all, let me say that budget has nothing to do with it. Stiletto was clearly made for under a million with a rented camera, and it sucked. Showgirls was made for $45,000,000 and is arguably the worst movie ever made. But it’s also one of the most entertaining, memorable and life-affirming films of the twentieth century.

A good bad movie must take itself completely seriously. It must not be in on the joke and must be made with Oscar-winning intentions. For instance, the film Powder about an albino teenager with mystical powers.Or Obsessed starring Beyoncé Knowles.

A bad bad movie understands its limitations. Like all of John Waters’ movies.

A good bad movie also must have an element of bizarre-ness that pushes it over-the-top. Like Mommie Dearest, or one of my personal favorites, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. Because a movie like Stiletto, which tries to be very  realistic just comes across as boring when it doesn’t have the budget or the means to be done well. But when you have an insane transsexual murdering with a samurai sword, well,  that’s just so in another world that any ties to reality are unimportant.

In the end, there’s nothing better than a good bad movie. And the only thing that’s worse than a bad bad movie is a good good movie. Fucking Oscar winners. I would rather have a tattoo sanded off my arm with a belt sander than watch Titanic*. Even the best Oscar winner of all times, The Silence of the Lambs, has some elements of good bad movie-making in it.

So, sorry Stiletto. You are in the awkward place of sucking so bad that you’re neither entertaining nor slightly compelling. Your future lies at the bottom of the Cheap DVD bin at Wal-mart. Right next to Kill Cruise starring Elizabeth Hurley.

*I really would not. That is an exaggeration and a reference to the film Stiletto.

Passing the Torch

Thankfully, Josh and I have finished our careers Scripps Ranch High School. I know that I am speaking for both of us when I say that we are glad to put these four years behind us.

But what about SRHS itself? A giant gap will be left in the atmosphere. How will the school function without Josh and Elaine? Will it just shut down?

Who will keep the social scene alive by throwing wild parties? Who will introduce weird/unpopular trends like Britney Spears, Tim Curry and Nomi Malone to the masses? Who will impress their peers by having enough matching t-shirts to last a month?

Luckily for those who have to endure more painful years in high school, we have found a solution. We can’t reveal their names yet (because they don’t know of our evil plan) but we have found a pair of freshman besties who we feel can fill the gaping hole that we will leave behind.

But what will they have to do to keep the spirit of Josh and Elaine alive at SRHS? Here are some suggestions:

  1. During lunch when there are big groups of people talking and laughing together, stand in the corner and only talk to each other
  2. Be able to create a language of references and inside jokes so that eavesdroppers will not be able to understand what you are saying
  3. Start a million overly ambitions projects at once and don’t finish any of them
  4. Ruin lives (or at least a life)
  5. Find the weirdest possible movie or celebrity and become obsessed with it/him/her
  6. Change your names to symbols
  7. Get rejected/waitlisted from your top choice college
  8. Flirt with others, making them think that they have a chance of becoming a third best friend, but eventually scare them away
  9. Be as socially anti-social as possible
  10. Have people know you as a description like, “those funny kids from yearbook”, but not by name
  11. Have people associate you with something to the point that is is impossible for them to separate you from it (i.e., Britney Spears)
  12. Start a “thriving” business

Anything else?

O Nomi! My Nomi!

Now, you may think I am stealing Elaine’s idea of paying tribute to Walt Whitman and the best people in the world at the same time, but I am NOT.

We just have the same English teacher and therefore the same assignments.

So here it is folks! A poem for Nomi Malone, or Goddess, or Pollyanna. Whichever name you prefer.

“O Nomi! My Nomi!” by Joshua Lin à la façon de Walt Whitman (the French automatically makes it more classy)

O NOMI! My Nomi! Your fearful trip is done.

Your body’s weather’d every mile, now you are good for fun;

The slots are near, their bells I hear, the gamblers all exulting,

While follow eyes the bright Cristal, her dances hot and daring:

But O fame! fame! fame!

O the costumes barely there!

Look to the stage where Nomi sees,

Cristal nude and bare.

O Nomi! My Nomi! They rise to see your bells;

Know that–for you the Cheetah fills–for you they bring small bills;

For you they hoot and whistle loud–for you the rooms a-crowding;

For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning; (LOL, I didn’t even have to change this line!)

Here Nomi! dear Heather!

This man who lauds your flare,

Gives you a chance to try and dance,

With Cristal  nude and bare.

My Nomi cannot answer, her lips are red and still;

As Marty holds within his arms, a bowl that gives me chills;

The ice is pooled in Tony’s hands, awaiting Nomi’s hand;

From Tony’s lips, his question slips, “why can her bells not stand?”

Just melt, O ice,  and rise, O bells!

But ice flies in the air,

And my Nomi offstage storms,

Totally nude and bare.

END POEM.

I think you can see all the parallels to the original… namely the strong symbolism of “bells” and “rising” (that’s “tits” and “erection” respectively).

And in case you are socially retarded, this is inspired by the true life story of the award-winning film “Showgirls” starring Elizabeth Berkely.

What Elaine and Josh will be doing on Saturday.

I’m sure you’re curious how we’ll be spending our weekend, so I’ll be more than happy to tell you.

The Lifetime TV network is having a special marathon this weekend titled “Love Gone Wrong” where they’re showing only the best quality movies where, well, love goes wrong.

None other than our favorite actress in the whole world, Elizabeth Berkley (no offense, Jessica Harper!), will be staring in a movie called Dark Beauty. Here is the riveting plot description:

Starring Elizabeth Berkley
A businessman thinks he’s hit the jackpot when he meets the woman of his dreams. But when he learns that her previous spouses died under mysterious circumstances, he begins to wonder if she’s actually his worst nightmare.

Sounds like a true masterpiece. It starts at 1 PM Pacific Time. Support Elizabeth and watch it!

XOXO,

Elaine

PS On Lifetime’s website, they have a wonderful gallery called “Elizabeth Berkley: Through the Years”. They’re all beautiful photos of Elizabeth moving through the different stages of her career, but this one is my favorite:

berkleygal-550x400-2006-1

What do you think they talked about?? Do you think that Elizabeth gave Meryl any acting tips?

BBB3

You know, when we put our minds to it, we can really get a lot of shit done. We’ve finally handed out our invites for the BBB3, which I can now reveal is the “Berk Birthday Bash” and is all about Elizabeth Berkley and the movie Showgirls, aka, the best film ever made. We have so much planned and so much to do, but it’s going to pay off because this party is going to be our biggest and best yet.

Thank you God, for Nomi Malone.

More info on the BBB3 can be found on our party planning site, J+E<3.


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Contact Elaine and Josh!

Want to say something to us? Don't feel like you can post a comment? No problem! You can get in contact with us here.

Elaine and Josh:

jepartyservice@gmail.com

Elaine:

elgray21@student.scad.edu

Josh:

jl3456@columbia.edu