Posts Tagged 'Jay Brannan'

Bad Movies, Good People

If I am anything, I am a loyal fan. When I find some actor/filmmaker/artist/personality that I really like, I will do pretty much anything for that person. And by that, I mean seeing all the bad movies they’ve been in. I was just thinking about all my famous “friends”, and the absolute shit that I’ve sat through to see them (be it for one brief moment in a Hollywood blockbuster, or a starring role in an independent flop) and I thought I’d share some of them with you.

  • Band of the Hand

I saw this lost gem for that little guy in the yellow shirt and dyed hair. That, my friends, is baby John Cameron Mitchell. The film itself if an 80’s movie about a group of five troublemakers, who get the choice of living in the jungle for a bit, or going to jail. They choose the jungle, and learn all about themselves and each other. The Breakfast Club in nature. It obviously sucks. But JCM is so damn cute with his orange hair and painted on tattoos. If we continue The Breakfast Club analogy, then he was the Ally Sheedy character. I will leave you with a quote from a review someone posted on Netflix about this movie that I really enjoyed, “The scenery and photography is artistic and beautiful but not so artistic that it would be considered artsy.” That, ladies and gentleman, is the greatest thing said about any movie, ever. Too bad it was wasted on this piece of shit that no one has ever seen. Except for John Cameron Mitchell, John Cameron Mitchell’s mom, and me.

  • All the Queen’s Men

I’ve seen the most bad movies for my fave British, transvestite, comedian/actor Eddie Izzard (no offense to all the other British, transvestite comedian/actors out there). In his quest for legitimate acting gigs, I think he just took any role that came his way. And no one, no matter how desperate they are, should EVER take a film role opposite Matt LeBlanc. I explored All the Queen’s Men in more detail in this post.

  • Pecker

The only John Waters movie I didn’t like. The only John Waters movie that is just straight up bad. (Note: we have to judge JWat’s films on a different kind of scale, since all his movies are technically, “bad”.) It’s fairly dull, and nothing too exciting happens. A lot of fans hate everything post Desperate Living…but, people, after he got that studio money and mainstream support from Hairspray, he just couldn’t make movies like Pink Flamingos anymore, let’s be real. But, I feel like he managed to work a sort of “filth-lite” charm into other films like Serial Mom or Cecil B. Demented…this one just didn’t work out. The fake trashiness was forced, so that it seemed like someone trying to recreate what they think a John Waters movie should be. Oh, well. They can’t all be winners. And there is a good moment where Christina Ricci screams, “I HATE MODERN ART.” That’s cute.

  • Gunslinger’s Revenge

One of the most laughably bad movies I’ve ever seen. It stars Harvey Keitel, and is an Italian spaghetti western. And also featurs David Bowie. I won’t bore you with the plot (mostly because I can’t remember it) BUT ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW is that David Bowie, who plays the bad guy, utters the following statement to a barmaid: “You’re a lucky woman. I ain’t gonna kill you. Today, I’m just gonna rape you.” BAD MOVIE BLISS.

  • Hudson Hawk

For dear Richard E. Grant, star of Withnail and I. Unfortunately, this big-budget, Bruce Willis-starring, action/”comedy” was no where near similar to the beautiful subtley and British wit of Withnail. The Showgirls of action movies. And not in a good way. REG was cute as the villain with Sandra Bernhard as his partner in crime, though.

  • Say Uncle

And enter the Queer as Folk obsession. Peter Paige, the flamboyant Emmet from QAF, attempted the tricky trio of writing/directing/starring in this “dark comedy”, about a gay man who tries to work as a babysitter in a suburban neighbor, which ends up distressing the residents. Oh, Peter. Stay in front of the camera, my friend. It takes some skill to make a funny movie about supposed child molestation…

  • Particles of Truth

Another attempt by the QAF gang, this time starring the beautiful Gale Harold. (Isn’t Gale a really nice name?) Anyways, this suffers from the same delusion of Say Uncle, with firsttimer Jennifer Elster writing/directing/starring in the film opposite Gale. All I can remember is artsy shots of him shaving (which would definitely be “so artistic that it would be considered artsy”, and not in a good way) and her entering some kind of club and getting mauled by German Shepards and then being raped. I think it was about finding yourself, or some shit like that.

  • Holding Trevor

This was really disappointing, because it took years (literally) to be released on DVD, and once it was, I couldn’t even get through it. Starring the cutest boy in the world, Jay Brannan, it was billed as some kind of gay coming-of-age in the big city kind of thing. Not the most unique story in the world, but anything for my little, shaved, singer/songwriter. Long story short, I hated all the characters and didn’t give a shit about their identity crises. Not even Jay was enough to finish the movie. Why does all gay, independent cinema suck so bad? (That’s another post all together!)

And that’s just a sampling of some of the sucky-ass movies I seen for the people I love. And we didn’t even talk about The L Word gang, or Elizabeth Berkley’s Lifetime movies! . Why do I torture myself like this? I wish I knew. I just love collecting these bad movies, I suppose. And seeing these people move through their careers really touches me. I mean, look at Eddie Izzard now! From Matt LeBlanc to Tom Cruise!

Anyways, I suppose that the moral of this post is that I lack appropriate judgment skills, and will blindly be led by obsessions with people who will never know I exist to consume all of their work. Is that normal?

Now I really want to re-watch Queer as Folk.

Love,

Elaine

My New BFF, Jay Brannan <3

It’s true. Jay Brannan and I are tight. You know…Jay Brannan…the independent singer/songwriter and one of the stars of Shortbus?

After buying his newest album, In Living Cover, and listening to it a million times (approximately) I decided to send him an e-mail just because…why not?

And today, less than one month later, he responded!!

I feel so special! He must get hundreds of stupid e-mails like the one I sent him, but he took time out of his day to respond to me.

Here is a screen-shot of our correspondence, just for proof that he really did e-mail me (click to enlarge):

Do you see that?!? He used my name, a smiley face, and two exclamation marks!!!!

I love you, Jay Brannan. I can tell you one thing: you have guaranteed yourself a lifelong fan.

But, ohmygod, so embarrassing!! I just noticed that in the e-mail I told him that I liked his album In Living COLOR…it’s def called In Living COVER…I hate myself! He must hate me! I can’t believe that this is how Jay and I are staring our friendship!!

Maybe he didn’t notice? I clearly didn’t notice when I typed it…PLEASE FORGIVE ME, JAY!

Things that Annoy Me at the Moment

  1. That Wake 1 is won’t turn off on my alarm clock and that every day around 11 it starts to beep loudly. I can’t turn the actual alarm setting off. Wake 2 is fine. But Wake 1 is just being a little bitch. What I need to do is unplug the actual alarm clock to make it go away, but it’s too much work to have to move the bed to get to the outlet and then have to reset the clock.
  2. That the Internet magically shuts off at 2 AM every day. That’s when I need the Internet most!
  3. That all the bananas in this house, while deceivingly unbruised on the outside, are squishy and gross on the inside.
  4. That there’s a giant glitter explosion in the carpet of my room because I didn’t take the proper glitter precautions before I used it.
  5. That I get really excited when I see a notification on Facebook, only to find that someone who I barely know has challenged me to a quiz to identify the Disney characters.
  6. That the bunnies that live in the backyard have become fearless – they don’t even flinch anymore when they hear the door open. Where’d they get this sense of entitlement?
  7. That Jay Brannan’s new album is just covers with barely any original stuff. (But I’ll buy it anyways).
  8. That the credit card that pays for my Netflix account has expired so I have to enter new information.
  9. That my brand new MacBook has decided not to connect to the Internet under any circumstances.
  10. Britney’s New Candie’s ad…was all the photoshopping really necessary? And WTF is up with all the horses?
  11. That I didn’t get off the Emerson waitlist. Whateva.
  12. That the B logo on my Britney dog tag has somehow been rubbed off.
  13. That Josh’s new dog sheds even more than either of my dogs and that I now I have white fur everywhere.
  14. That our new hectic schedule leaves no time for my new found hobby of heat yoga.

Umm…I think that’s it right now. Sorry for my auora of negativity.

I Bought a New CD

I have a disease where I don’t like new music. I just don’t.  Usually I just stick with an artist that I like and add another CD to the rotation (and sometimes I never listen to it (I’m talking to you, David Bowie’s Heathen!).

But I’ve been meaning to listen to Jay Brannan for a long time, and I have to recommend him to anybody with ears.

His new (well, relatively. It came out in July) CD is called Goddamned and it is so good. I haven’t stopped listening to it.

Naturally, you’re familiar with Jay from the film Shortbus where you’ll remember him as Ceth.

543-jay-brannan

And of course, you’ll remember the song “Soda Shop” from the film.

Well, I just want to urge everyone to purchase Goddamned and to keep an eye out for Jay Brannan because he is going far. He has such a beautiful voice, and although his songs are on the mellow-er side, the lyrics are sharp and witty. I don’t really know how to review music, so all I can do is reiterate how much I love this CD. He’s truly taleneted (not to mention adorable).

Anyways, why not check out his music and then buy his CD?

jaybrannanflyer

Seriously…how can you deny that beautiful boy?!

Best wishes,

Elaine


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