Hi Santa, I know it’s been a while since I’ve written to you, but now that I have this blog, I feel like it will finally reach you up there in the North Pole (you just really can’t trust USPS these days you know).
I also realize it’s kind of late to be writing to you, since you must already be finishing your rounds in Japan and Australia at the moment. But it’s the 21st Century, so surely you have a laptop with you on that sleigh? And I’m positive that you subscribe to our feed via Google Reader, like all loyal Bosh readers do, right?!
How is your health? Elaine must have caught something bad because she threw up yesterday (how embarrassing…) and I hope you didn’t catch the same thing. Are you and the missus still enjoying an invigorating sex life? If not, I can forward you one of those e-mails I always get, you just gotta ask.
You see Santa, this Christmas, I’m not even going to ask you for anything (especially since I’ve already received everything I ever could’ve wanted, i.e. The “Showgirls” VIP Box Edition, and BRITNEY SPEARS TICKETS). This Christmas is all going to be about you.
So Santa, to help you out a bit, here is a list of people you shouldn’t even BOTHER visiting tonight. Don’t even waste your precious time on these naughty people.
- Elaine (she’s Jewish)
- SHE (I don’t need to tell you the story again do I?)
- Nomi Malone
- Andrew Carver
- Adnan Ghalib
- Kanye West
- Kevin Jonas
- Joe Jonas
- Nick Jonas
- John McCain (but Sarah Palin can get a present because she’s just too folsky)
- Yes on Prop 8
- Mr. Blagojevich
- The girl who stole Elaine’s officer position in GSA
- Kevin A., the Santa Imposter (who gave me a lump of coal in SAVY Club)
- Miley Cyrus
- Tigger, my Chihuahua for his insatiable desire for my leg.
There you go Santa, I hope that little bit helps you a lot!
Expect some cookies at my house Santa, while you drop off my new car!