So today was the day that I found out about most of my schools, and what a day it was!
I got rejected from Harvard, Yale, and Stanford and waitlisted at Princeton, but nay, not everything was so bleak!
I got into Columbia, and today they let me know that they really love me. And you know what, I love you too Columbia! I really do. And I’m not afraid to tell the whole world.
So it may be time for us to take the next step in our relationship.
That’s right readers– we may be moving in with eachother. Of course she’s just asking me to pay $400 first and then I’m waiting to see how much she’s willing to give me $$ wise and then we’ll be all set.
And one of Elaine and I’s favorite mottos is “Brit’s got a plan (get naked)”. So everything that happens, happens for a reason. And in the case of being rejected to Harvard, Yale, and Stanford, I am almost 100% sure that it was because of Britney Spears.
And to state another favorite motto of ours, “there are only two types of schools out there– ones that can hang with Brit and ones that are scared”.
Obviously, Harvard, Yale and Stanford are scared shitless (it’s no coincidence that their intitials can spell S-H-Y). Princeton’s scared, but really wants to hang out (that’s P for “pussy”), and Brown and Columbia just ain’t afraid to hit the floor with Brit (which is B for “Bitch” and C for “CHRISTMAS!!!” [see youtube video below]).
Given that Harvard and Yale are the more conservative (eeew!) Ivies, I have concluded that they do not appreciate Britney Spears and therefore do not support a healthy academic environment.
But both Berkeley and Columbia selected me for some sort of scholar program, so I know that I must belong at either of these places.
Once again, thank you Britney Spears. You never fail to lead me down the right path. And this time you have found me true, reciprocated love.
P.S. You all have no idea how serious I actually am.