Archive for February, 2009

Oscar Recap

Well, the host was awkward, the presenters were boring and Tilda Swinton wore something strange. What else is new? There were pretty much no suprises in winners, and not even any very interesting fashions.

I didn’t particularly like Slumdog Millionaire and I think that Milk should have won Best Picture, but I’m very glad that Sean Penn won for Best Actor and that Dustin Lance Black (and his incredible cheek bones) won for Best Original Screenplay.

Their wonderful, heartfelt speeches were the best part of the night:

Sean Penn:

Dustin Lance Black (and his incredible cheek bones):

Overheard at Scripps Ranch High School

Today I went to a presentation from an art college in San Francisco which will go unnamed. After the presentation, I was getting my stuff together and heard a loner sophomore boy approach the presenter, and they proceeded to have the following interaction:

Boy: Can I ask you a question?

Presenter: Of course!

Boy: Do you smoke a lot of weed at this school?

Presenter: (nervous laughter)

Boy: Do. You. Smoke. A. Lot. Of. Weed. At. This. School?

Presenter: Well, uh, at any college there is a certain amount of drug use…

I like this interaction for two reasons 1) that there would even be a question about the availibiliy of illicit substances at a San Francisco art school and 2) that he actually asked the individual who was sent to represent the school.

Only in The Ranch.

An Ode to Max Sweeney

Ah, Max Sweeney. The poor, abused and most hated member of The L Word (at least by Ilene Chaiken). He’s had to put up with so much: dating Jenny at her most fragile, disturbing facial hair, and now pregnant and alone.

Wait…pregnant? Ilene, silly, boys can’t get pregnant! Girls who become boys but didn’t have  surgery and stopped taking their testosterone explicitly in order to get pregnant can (Thomas Beatie), but girls who are in the surgical process of becoming boys (Max Sweeney) who are still very much on testosterone have very, very little chance in getting pregnant. Didn’t you even bother to research that? Because the fans did. But I guess that that’s what happens when you develop your scripts only around the headlines, Ilene!

And now WTF is up with Tom leaving Max?? See, Ilene, this is your problem. You seriously, seriously lack any form of character development. One minute Max was very happy with his cute girlfriend Grace, then he’s gay and dating Tom, then he and Tom are  in love…and you seemed to miss all the in-betweens (but this really isn’t news for The L Word, which often features complete, 180º changes in character, see: Helena, Jodi).

And also, Max wasn’t showing at all when he heard he was pregnant so he couldn’t have been much past four months. He was turned down from the abortion clinic, but my  Google research showed that you can usually get an abortion anytime before 24 weeks…so I think he would have been good. And besides, I’m pretty sure that they would have considered this an “extreme situation” and could have made some exceptions.

And now Tom is gone and Max is pregnant and alone. I wonder how he’s doing? Maybe we’ll see in episode 5…oh…I guess not. I guess that not one mention will be made of him the episode after Tom left. Sure, that makes sense.

I just had a brilliant idea! Max, you don’t want this baby, right? Well, I can think of two people who are currently in the baby market…

I can almost guarantee that this thought will cross one their three minds in the last three episodes of this season (and this show). And if it does, Ilene, then I’ll just have to stop watching (which is a lie because I said right here that I’d stop watching if Shane and Jenny got together and clearly I haven’t).

In conclustion, dear Max, you only have three more episodes to get through. And you probably won’t be prominently featured in any of them anyways.


I’d like to take this time to formally apologize to our friend, Devin, for Josh and I performing this song at her Open Mic themed birthday party in front of her mother:

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of her favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of her favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of her favorite things

When Cunt-E strikes
When For-For bites
When she’s feeling sad
She just remembers Josh and Elaine
and then she don’t feel so bad!

Séances, dancing and singing to Britney
Going to parties and grinding with Clintney
Ewan McGregor and his rather large thing
These are a few of her favorite things

Walking and talking with Josh and Elaine
Dreaming and scheming with Josh and Elaine
Josh and Elaine, and Josh and Elaine
These are a few of her favorite things

We called the clinic to make her appointment
But they were all booked to our disappointment
So we got gloves and a rather large stick
Swirled it around and pulled it out quick

When Cunt-E strikes
When For-For bites
When she’s feeling sad
She just remembers Josh and Elaine
and then she don’t feel so bad!

Then I’d like to apologize to Devin for our performing the following scene about her and her boyfriend, Forrest, inspired by the film Forrest Gump in front of her mother and her younger sister:

Devin taught me how to climb, and I taught her to dangle.
I drove her around in my red truck, and she became deaf in her left ear. (Left because she could hang her right ear out the window like a dog).
Devin took me to all these fancy dances and taught me how to be a gentleman.
She showed me a whole new genre of music. It’s called “modern”.
And I told her some of my favorite white supremacist jokes. She did not like them.
Devin and I were like peas and carrots.

One time, I went to her dorm room in the rain and said, “Devin, let me touch your boobies again like you did that one time.” She said, “No”, and we got in a fight…

“Devin! Come on!”
“Forrest, I’m on my period.”
“That’s bullshit, Devin.”
“Check, Forrest.”
“Nuh-uh. I’m not doing that again.”
(Awkward silence)
“I think you should leave now, Forrest.”
(He begins to leave, music starts)

But I won’t apologize for our rendition of “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” which followed!

Anyways, sorry to Devin, Forrest, and Devin’s mom for making things sufficiently awkward.

I hope that you’ll all still be coming to our production of Hedwig and the Angry Inch…which will be even more awkward!

The Best Show on Television

What’s the best show on television you ask? It’s certianly not The L Word. Give up? RuPaul’s Drag Race!


This reality competition puts nine drag queens up against each to see who can come up on top and get some pretty amazing prizes:  a Paper magazine spread, a headling spot in the Absolut Pride tour, a campaign with L.A. Eyeworks and $25,000! Not bad.

But the thing I love most about this show is that it’s equal parts bitchy, campy, fabulous fun as well as satire of other reality shows. As the girls sit in a workroom very reminiscent of a popular fashion reality show, you almost wait for Tim Gunn to walk in. But instead RuPaul herself enters in a pinstripe suit and black-framed glasses (she’s looking much, much better, by the way, than she did as a guest star on the aforementioned reality show).

But even Tim Gunn’s “make it work!” can hold a candle to Ru’s new catch phrase, “And remember…don’t fuck it up.”

To talk about the contestants themselves, I’m rooting for Nina Flowers. She does a different kind of drag that’s a little punk and a little crazy, but I love it. She’s a great showgirl and a great performer. I loved Tammie Brown too, but it’s obvious that she didn’t want to be here given her pathetic attempt to redeem herself in the “lipsync for your life” portion of the show.

“But Elaine, I don’t have Logo!”

“Elaine! I can’t stay up until 11PM!”

Well, quit your complaining because you can watch complete episodes online! Thanks Logo and WOW Entertainment! Tell James St. James that I say hi!

Oh, and the best part of the show? RuPaul’s final words to the two bottom contestants. One is chosen to stay, and one has to go home. Here was Monday’s verdict:

“Akasha, shante. You stay.

Tammie Brown. Sashay…away.”

Pure genius.

I Bought a New CD

I have a disease where I don’t like new music. I just don’t.  Usually I just stick with an artist that I like and add another CD to the rotation (and sometimes I never listen to it (I’m talking to you, David Bowie’s Heathen!).

But I’ve been meaning to listen to Jay Brannan for a long time, and I have to recommend him to anybody with ears.

His new (well, relatively. It came out in July) CD is called Goddamned and it is so good. I haven’t stopped listening to it.

Naturally, you’re familiar with Jay from the film Shortbus where you’ll remember him as Ceth.


And of course, you’ll remember the song “Soda Shop” from the film.

Well, I just want to urge everyone to purchase Goddamned and to keep an eye out for Jay Brannan because he is going far. He has such a beautiful voice, and although his songs are on the mellow-er side, the lyrics are sharp and witty. I don’t really know how to review music, so all I can do is reiterate how much I love this CD. He’s truly taleneted (not to mention adorable).

Anyways, why not check out his music and then buy his CD?


Seriously…how can you deny that beautiful boy?!

Best wishes,


“S. Darko”: Your First Glimpse

Since I heard about the planned sequel to Donnie Darko over the summer, there hasn’t been much news. Well, there probably was, I just didn’t check for any. But today I got curious and found out some very important facts: it will be straight-to-DVD, the release date will be April 28,2009, and, most importantly, Elizabeth Berkley will have a role!! This is fantastic news, and I really can’t wait for the release.

I guess I’m a bad fan that way. A lot of people get offended when there are remakes (or sequels with none of the previous cast or crew involved, such as this one) of their favorite movies. But I just get exicited. I also can’t wait for the remake of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and The Man Who Fell to Earth…but I haven’t heard news about those two in a really long time.

Anyways, back to S. Darko. Here is the trailer:

What I love about this trailer is that it tells you absolutely nothing about the film itself. In fact, 99% of the clips shown are from Donnie Darko. The only thing we learn is that the movie is about Donnie’s lil’ sis, Samatha Darko, which was implied by the title itself.

But I don’t care, I’m just excited. Even if it sucks.


I worked on this film and that is NOT the trailer. It’s a fan made one that somehow made the rounds on youtube a few months ago and now everyone is assuming it’s legit but it’s not. The real trailer debuted at Comic Con last night and won’t hit the net for a few more days.

Thanks to Kristen for the info!

Happy Birthday, Eddie Izzard!!

Dearest Eddie,

Happy Birthday, baby Eddie. I love you. I miss you. We really haven’t spent much quality together recently. Sorry about The Riches. Tough break. But I liked it, so who cares what the masses say?!

Since we met back in ’05 you’ve grown so much, as a person and in your career. (At least I’m assuming you’ve grown as a person…we’ve never…really…met…). But look what you’ve gone from in these four years: little known cult favorite to starring in your on television show and acting next to Tom Cruise! It’s a far cry from All the Queen’s Men!

Anyways, Eddie, I know you’re a  busy boy so I’ll wrap this up. Thanks for always making me laugh and for coming to San Diego to visit me over the summer. Much luck with your future endeavors, and I pray that one day Diva 51 is released. Could I also ask you a favor? Please, please, please make another movie with Matt LeBlanc, you two a dream team! LOL, JK!! But what I really want is the “Stripped” CD/DVD to be released pronto!

Happy 47th!!




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