Archive for December, 2008

The Most Annoying Things About 2008

1) That The Hills is still on TV and, more annoyingly, that is has an audience.

2) Thier continued popularity (apologies to Ummmm and X!):

3) The cancellation of The Riches.

4) Jenny Schecter the Director:

5)

I know that there’s more, but let’s not be negative anymore.

Goodbye, 2008!

2,008 Great Things About 2008!

Just kidding! I don’t think that I could think of 2,008 things, let alone count that high. Here’s ten of my favorite pop culture related moments of 2008:

1) The Miley Cyrus pictures. No, I’m not talking about that “controversial” Annie Leibovitz cover shoot, I mean the pictures that were somehow leaked. The ones where she’s lifting up her shirt to reveal a neon green bra or curled in her undies on Hello Kitty sheets. I just love it all. Here’s this little Southern role model who’s finally a good-girl for future good-girls to look up to, and then this! It makes me like her badass so much more. I just swooned when she started dating the twenty year old underwear model. You go, girl! Don’t hide behind the mouse, be your skanky self!

2) Diablo Cody winning Best Original Sceenplay at the Oscars. Makes me weep with pride, and to be honest, jealousy. And I just adore her for showing up to the OSCARS like this:

cody215x301

3) Ellen and Portia 4eva ❤

4) That in July there was a big deal made in a small Delaware town about John Waters being invited to speak at a community festival. I hope that I can still offend people when I’m in my 60s, too.

5) Jamie Lynn’s pregnancy.

6) Lindsay and Samantha ❤

7)  Beverley Hills Chihuahua.

8 ) The Australian television series Summer Heights High and Chris Lilley. (Thanks, HBO, for letting us stupid Americans see some quality television!)

9) There will be no 2008 countdown list without mention of Heath. But genuinely, I think this would be a favorite pop culture moment even if things had turned out different.

10) And of course…

Elaine and Josh’s 2008 Retrospective

Tired of Christmas posts? Can’t handle any more holidays? Well that’s just to bad, babies, because it’s time for New Years! And do you know what that means? Countdowns, lists, and retrospectives galore! And here at Bosh with Elaine and Josh we’re no different! So strap yourselves in because I’m about to show you 2008 through the eyes of Elaine and Josh. All the events and news that happened to us or that we participated in (or at least everything that I could find mention of in the archives of my Yahoo! mail inbox).

January:

  • 1/2: We are busy at work on our musical extravaganza Thyme Pimsa. A touching film which is the story of a small town seriously affected by global warming, corrupted scientists and religion. It was dropped shortly hereafter, but the screenplay we wrote is actually pretty good!
  • 1/4: We worry about Britney’s crazy nights where she refused to return baby Jayden James to K-Fed.
  • 1/13: Josh watches the Internet phenomenon known as “2 Girls 1 Cup”. Elaine refuses.
  • 1/22: We mourn Heath Ledger’s death.

February:

  • 2/10: Josh gets his lunch stolen from his backpack and sends an email about it entitled “People Suck”.
  • 2/16: Elaine goes to Georgia to visit SCAD.
  • 2/23: We try to learn guitar from a “How to Play Guitar for Dummies ” DVD. We give up.

March:

  • 3/6: Elaine gets the brilliant idea to start an Elton John tribute band called E+J<3 (get it?! Elton John…Elaine, Josh…)
  • 3/16: We turn our lives over to The Secret and preach it’s wonders to a room of our uninterested peers.
  • 3/21: We become obsessed with the art of crochet and go to our favorite store, Yardage Town, for supplies.

April:

  • 4/8: Elaine turns 17. No one notices.
  • 4/9: The Riches second (and last) season airs!
  • 4/12: Josh sends an email called “RIP Josh” because he is worried about APs. What a baby.
  • 4/19: We volunteer at the Earth Fair and learn about the joys of God and abortion.
  • 4/20: Tim Curry turns 62.
  • 4/27: We see John Landis LIVE at the LA Festival of Books. Oh yeah, Tim Curry was there, too.
  • 4/30: Elaine starts work at the movie theatre.

May:

  • 5/7: Josh sends Elaine an invite to the Facebook group “Has anyone seen Tim Curry’s tambourine??”
  • 5/15: California deems it unconstitutional to outlaw gay marriage.
  • 5/17: We become obsessed with Perfume: Story of  a Murder and the scent of damp wood.
  • 5/25: We make a wee boo-boo.
  • 5/25: We get over it.

June:

  • 6/8: We see CATS!
  • 6/15: Goodbye Junior year!
  • 6/20: We see Sweeney Todd starring Tod Slaughter.

July:

  • 7/4: Josh signs us for the Marine Corps mailing list and we get free t-shirts.
  • 7/7: We taste the swet fruits of Santana’s Mexican Grill for the first time and meet Maria.
  • 7/8: We eat at SMG again.
  • 7/11: A day of crafting.
  • 7/19: Josh goes to San Diego Pride without Elaine.
  • 7/24: Britney Spears is seen back to her sexy self on her Mexican vacation due to our use of The Secret.
  • 7/31: Tim McClean gets his head cut off on a Greayhound bus through Canada. We never stop talking about it.

August:

  • 8/13: We come up with the wonderful, awful idea for BBB3.
  • 8/16: We throw our first pary as J+E<3
  • 8/31: We see “Spring Awakening”. I don’t know if this is really that significant. I also don’t know the propor punctuation for play titles.

September:

  • 9/2: Senior year starts.
  • 9/5: We see I Know Who Killed Me. “That’s life, people get cut” becomes our new favorite thing to say.
  • 9/7: Elaine finds out about Emerson College.
  • 9/13-14: Great Gatsby extravaganza.
  • 9/17: Josh finally turns 17. We find out the date of the “Circus” release.

October:

  • 10/4: We skip Homecoming and watch Suspiria instead.
  • 10/7: “Womanizer” goes on sale on iTunes.
  • 10/31: For Halloween we go to see The Haunting of Molly Hartley starring Didi from The Riches! We accidnetly steal a “Yes on 8” sign.

November:

  • 11/2: We get political and do battle with my homophobic neighbor by parking in front of their house with a car covered in “No on 8” posters.
  • 11/4: We stand in front of a polling place with our “No on 8” sign.
  • 11/4: Barack Obama gets elected.
  • 11/5: We all know how the whole Prop 8 thing turned out. It wasn’t our fault. We did our part.
  • 11/10: We put posters for “Circus” around the shopping center.
  • 11/26: We create the hit YouTube vidoe “I Am…Britney Spears Fan”

December:

  • 12/2: Merry Britmas! “Circus” is released. We hand out Britmas cards.
  • 12/2: We buy our 16th row tickets for THE CIRCUS: STARRING BRITNEY SPEARS.
  • 12/8: The Chocolate Mart feed is disabled.
  • 12/11: We learn about the world of Western Mysticism.
  • 12/25: Lord Jesus celebrates the big 2008.
  • 12/26: Josh jets to Mexico for his sister’s wedding.

And well…that’s pretty much all the events that are relevant to us in 2008!

We’ll muse more on this past year in the coming days.

Come out of the closet already!!

This is a message for my sister.

I remember you used to play “Heaven on Earth” all the time on your iPod.

I hear you whenever you sing-along with “Womanizer” when it comes on the radio.

I heard the “Circus” music video playing on your computer last night (and not just once but twice!).

So, stop trying to hide it! Just come out of the closet okay!

You’re a Britney fan and you know it!

Don’t worry about what people will say about you. It doesn’t matter in the end. In the end, you’ll have Britney and that’s all that matters.

Just embrace who you are. It’s a beautiful thing really.

Don’t worry about mom and dad. They’ll support you no matter what. We’ll all love you no matter what you are.

But being honest, I’m not sure what your boyfriend will think. Maybe you should keep it a secret to some people.

There’s nothing to be afraid of.

Be strong.

Your brother,

Josh

Happy Birthday Jesus!!

This is going to be one of those blog posts that are really short because really the whole message is in the title.

Alas, happy birthday Jesus! Finally the big 2008!

I hope Mary got you that Honda Prius you’ve been wanting!

I’m going to try to make a cake for you, but if that doesn’t work out, I’ll bake you one when I get back from Mexico (and I’m sure Elaine will be glad to help).

Love,

Josh

(Readers: sorry if you’re on Christmas overload right now– four posts on Christmas is a lot!)

Unique Christmas Music

What? Even though we’ve just featured two Christmas posts you’re still not feeling the Christmas spirit?

Well, I have just the cure: “Mom and Daddy Please Don’t Steal For Us This Christmas” by Suzannah will surely put you right in the mood!

Mom and Daddy Please Don’t Steal For Us This Christmas

(Sorry, you’ll have to follow the link and press the red play arrow. I’m not advanced enough to actually place music in this blog).

Want more tragic Christmas music? From “Christmas Without Daddy” to “Fist Me This Christmas”, you’ll find all you ever wanted and more in special episode of the Feast of Fools podcast:

Feast of Fools Podcast – Incredibly Strange Christmas Music

Dear Santa,

Hi Santa, I know it’s been a while since I’ve written to you, but now that I have this blog, I feel like it will finally reach you up there in the North Pole (you just really can’t trust USPS these days you know).

I also realize it’s kind of late to be writing to you, since you must already be finishing your rounds in Japan and Australia at the moment. But it’s the 21st Century, so surely you have a laptop with you on that sleigh? And I’m positive that you subscribe to our feed via Google Reader, like all loyal Bosh readers do, right?!

How is your health? Elaine must have caught something bad because she threw up yesterday (how embarrassing…) and I hope you didn’t catch the same thing. Are you and the missus still enjoying an invigorating sex life? If not, I can forward you one of those e-mails I always get, you just gotta ask.

You see Santa, this Christmas, I’m not even going to ask you for anything (especially since I’ve already received everything I ever could’ve wanted, i.e. The “Showgirls” VIP Box Edition, and BRITNEY SPEARS TICKETS). This Christmas is all going to be about you.

So Santa, to help you out a bit, here is a list of people you shouldn’t even BOTHER visiting tonight. Don’t even waste your precious time on these naughty people.

  • Elaine (she’s Jewish)
  • SHE (I don’t need to tell you the story again do I?)
  • Nomi Malone
  • Andrew Carver
  • Adnan Ghalib
  • Kanye West
  • Kevin Jonas
  • Joe Jonas
  • Nick Jonas
  • John McCain (but Sarah Palin can get a present because she’s just too folsky)
  • Yes on Prop 8
  • Mr. Blagojevich
  • The girl who stole Elaine’s officer position in GSA
  • Kevin A., the Santa Imposter (who gave me a lump of coal in SAVY Club)
  • Miley Cyrus
  • Tigger, my Chihuahua for his insatiable desire for my leg.

There you go Santa, I hope that little bit helps you a lot!

Expect some cookies at my house Santa, while you drop off my new car!

Always Yours,

Josh

Elaine’s Christmas Traditions

While most Christmas traditions are meant to take place with family and friends, there are some that I like to participate in by myself in my room. So why don’t you join me? Let’s take the “Christ” out of “Christmas”, and celebrate the holiday the way it should be celebrated!

  1. I rabidly watch this strange, awkward Christmas duet between David Bowie and Bing Crosby over and over. I don’t know what’s better, the little scene that they do before they sing, or the story behind the video: that Bing had never even heard of David and just wanted a young singer. Bing wanted to sing “Little Drummer Boy”, but David didn’t think that it suited his vocal talent, so someone quickly wrote “Peace on Earth”. They met that morning and rehearsed for an hour. Bing said that David was, “a clean cut kid”. Bing died a month later, and it aired after his death. Pure Christmas bliss.
  2. Then I like to preform a reading of John Waters’ classic essay “Why I Love Christmas” from his book Crackpot.  I like to pretend that John is reading it to me and sharing all his  obsessions with me. No matter how many times I’ve read it, it’s still hilarious.                                                                                                        “Why I Love Christmas”
  3. I like to end Christmas with more John Waters, but this time with his touching and inspiring movie, Female Trouble. Nothing puts me more in the Christmas spirit than this! And if I’m too tired from all the holiday joy to watch the whole movie, then I just skip to the single greatest Christmas scene in cinema history:

Merry Christmas!

From My Family To Yours

Happy Hanukkah! I’d like to share with you, Bosh readers, my family’s treasured latke recipe that is passed down year to year, generation to generation. I look forward to one day making this recipe with my own children, passing on the family tradition.

Take a box of Manischewitz® Potato Pancake Mix:

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Add a bit a water (tip: however much it lists in the ingredients on the side of the box!).

Stir, stir, stir!

And fry in oil!

It’s as easy as that to create delicious,homemade latkes!

hanukiyamosaicbig2ka1

Las Vegas: A Reflection

I’ve just spend the past three days with my family in the City of Sin. But unfortunatley, no sinning took place becase we were  there for my sister’s  cheerleading competition.

Let’s just say that it wasn’t the best vacation of my life.

But the point of this post is that while I was sitting in the Paris hotel enjoying my nine dollar crepe, I looked around and had an epiphany: Las Vegas is Elaine and Josh with an unlimited budget.

What do we do best? Plan parties. And what is Las Vegas? A never-ending party.

At all our parties is take a big theme and then break it down into separate sections. For example, the Britney Spears party featured little stations the invited guests to  “Marry Your Best Friend” or “Makeout with Madonna”. In Las Vegas the theme is gambling/sex/alcohol, and it is broken up into themed hotels.

Gambling in “New York”, having sex in the “Eifel Tower”, drinking at the “Circus”.

I could just imagine us planning a whole city and then making themed hotels to go along with it. And then I see us heading over to Michael’s and buying construction paper and styrofoam to make decorations with.

Yeah. We could plan a city. Just give a few weeks, some iced lattes from McCafe´ and a few million dollars.

But don’t get surprised if we get distracted and start a totally new project like writing a musical or choreographing a dance. We do that sometimes.

Farewell my Love! Farewell!

Dear Bosh readers.

Today marks a melancholy day in my life.

Due to lack of time and economic hardship, my parents have forced me to cancel my Netflix account.

And I did it.

So goodbye dear Netflix! I shall forever miss your cleverly-designed red envelopes that were so fun to rip open. I shall forever miss adding hundreds of movies to my queue, knowing full well I would never get to them with my scanty 3-at-a-time plan. I shall forever miss peeling off the backing of the seal and then hesitating to seal the envelope lest I should want to watch the movie again. Most of all, I shall miss attempting everyday to watch movies instantly on my MacBook, only to be disappointed each time.

If only you didn’t cost me 17 fucking dollars a month my love. If only.

And if only I hadn’t kept the same DVD’s for four months in a row. If only.

How will I ever know what movies to see in the theater without your persuasive ads on the insides of my envelopes? How can I survive without my obscure French films?

And oh gym membership how I miss thee too! Yoga classes, never more. Spin classses, never more. Now I shall never overcome my self-conscious belief that everyone was watching me on the eliptical.

Where can one run if one has not a treadmill upon which to tread?

Oh cruel economic recession, how I hate thee!

Off to write sappy poetry,

Josh

“WTF IS DEFERRAL?”

Hello Bosh readers!

Today marked a semi-important day in the lives of Josh and Elaine. Today, Early Action decisions came out. Elaine eagerly awaited a letter from Emerson College, and Josh jetted home to see Yale’s decision.

So I’m going to cut all the bullshit and the suspense, but we were both…. drumroll please…. Deferred!

Here are our separate reactions to this disappointing news:

JOSH– Oh. That doesn’t suck. Hmmm… I guess I have to apply to all the other schools now won’t I? Oh well. Oh hey! Look they have stats… I guess I didn’t do that bad. “This year Yale admitted 13.4% of the Early Action pool, deferred 47.6%, and denied 38.3%,” says Admissions Office. At least this letter has proper English grammar. And at least Elaine got deferred too. I wonder why they didn’t like me… was it because of Britney? That might freak people out. Or maybe it’s because they could read my mind and knew Yale wasn’t my first choice and that I was just taking advantage of their non-binding Early Action program? They are smart cookies those Yale folk. Now I’m going to call Elaine and reassure her that she’s not a nub…

ELAINE–WTF IS DEFERRAL??!?!?! WHY THE HELL DID I WORK MY ASS OFF TO GET EVERYTHING DONE BY THE EARLY ACTION DEADLINE ONLY TO GET DEFERRED???? I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! I HAVE TO CALL JOSH!!!!!! Oh. Josh said that it means that they don’t want to accept all the Early Action people so that there are no spaces left for the Regulars. But still. I’m pissed and dissappointed. And embarrassed that I actually spent a few moments meditating on getting accepted. I was just really anxious for an answer and didn’t even realize that “deferral” was an option. So I feel kind of frustrated. But oh well. I only have to wait four and a half months to find out the read decision for my top choice. At least I finished the application. And at least I wasn’t flat out rejected. It still sucks.

Can Anybody Motivate Josh?

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Internet,

Since the summer before tenth grade Josh and I have had one major goal: to put on a charity production of the musical Hedwig and the Angry Inch for our Senior Exhibition. Well, the time has come to truly get moving, but poor Josh seems to be stuck.

“I just want to sit in my room and play the recorder!” he told me on the phone twenty minutes ago.

You see, my friends, we have gotten some work done. We have acquired the proper licensing and secured a venue. However, the main barrier between us and success is cold hard cash. We need to raise about $800. And I wish I could say that we are well on our way, but a certain doubtful, apathetic, cranky boy just cannot seem to get motivated.

But he doesn’t seem to listen to me. So I’m turning to you for help. And do it quickly, please. Because the holidays will suck two weeks away from us and the show is planned at the end of March.  We still have everything to do. Finding our cast, finding musicians, lights, sound, costumes, rehearsals, blocking…there is so much to do.

I want to do this so badly, and I know that Josh does too. But his chronic senioritis could be the downfall of this project.

So, friends, it’s up to you:  motivate Josh by leaving a heartfelt comment. I need your help.

Thank you,

Elaine

I Am Not a Western Mystic.

During a recent visit to Yogurt World with some friends, we discovered a poster taped to the wall. “Mystery School. It’s always darkest before the dawn. But you can make the sun rise in your mind anytime you want.” We were intrigued, and the four of us decided that we would go. We found Mystery School’s website and learned about what it taught – something called Western Mysticism that was all about the path to enlightenment. Seminars promised jokes! live discussion! meditation! and magic!

Well, the day of Mystery School finally arrives, and (big surprise!) Josh and I end up being the only ones who actually go. The event was located about twenty minutes away at a Del Mar Marriott. But we got lost three times, which made us ten minutes late. When we entered the hotel we saw a sign “Mystery School – Down the stairs”. So away we went.

We got to the end of a hallway and suddenly began to hear loud, creepy music. We started to get scared and argued about turning back, but before we could reach a decision, a man in a black-suit with an earpiece stepped out from an adjoining hallway. “Mystery School?” He asked. We nodded, and he motioned us a group of other late-comers waiting in front of the door. The music was much louder, and there were several other black-suited, ear pieced people hanging around. Some people will sitting on the ground meditating.

Finally, the song ended (which I identified as The Who’s “Reign O’er Me”, which is fairly intense when played at epic volumes (on a side note, Pete Townshend would have totally been into Mystery School)). The man at the door said into his earpiece, “Eleven coming in”. He opened the door, and all the late-comers were issued in. We found seats in the back. The room was packed. At least 100 people. As we sat, we noticed that there were more black-suit, ear piece people stationed at every door the ballroom had. The one near us paced back and forth.

A woman was speaking. We missed her introduction but it seemed that she was the leader, the teacher. When we came in she was just talking about the previous events (this had been going on nightly for the past week). She seemed nice. She was funny. And she cursed! A lot! A spiritual leader who curses? Cool! It seemed like it would be an interesting night. And then she said, “Let’s talk about Jesus.” Josh and I exchanged a look and tried to keep from bursting out laughing. (In her defense, she was talking about Jesus as an enlightened figure and because it’s near Christmas. She talked abut some other enlightened beings too. (She even felt one’s presence in the room at one point!))

She went on to tell us lots about Jesus. He was sexy! She told us that he wasn’t some emaciated little man, he was “beefy”! And he had sex with tons of girls. He “got shit done”. And she should know. She’s studied with him.

Finally it was time to mediate. She told us to focus on our heart chakra. I’ve never really mediated, but I understand that it’s meant to be peaceful and rather quiet. And that’s why I was confused when her music choice was heavy metal. A few times I thought, “Hey! I’m doing it! I’m meditating!” But then I realized that I was just falling asleep.

After the mediation, she spoke some more. Then we mediated again (this time to rain forest sounds). At the end of the meditation, she stood up, announced a break, started to play Christmas carols, and escorted by a black-suit, earpiece man left the room. Josh and I took this opportunity to run quickly back to the car. We checked the time: we had been at Mystery School for two hours.

In the car we debriefed and deiced that all in all, it was pretty freaky. Mediation is good. Cursing spiritual leaders are good. But were all those security people necessary? Hey, at least we tried it. Direct quote from Josh Lin: “In the last mediation I swear I felt my hand’s start to float. That shit’s not right.”

So even though we might not become as enlightened as sexy Jesus, at least you can’t say that we’re not open-minded.

J+E<3

Did you know that we also run a thriving party planning service?

Well, the websites just been updated, so why not head over and read about some of our past parties? You won’t be disappointed.

http://jepartyservice.wordpress.com


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Contact Elaine and Josh!

Want to say something to us? Don't feel like you can post a comment? No problem! You can get in contact with us here.

Elaine and Josh:

jepartyservice@gmail.com

Elaine:

elgray21@student.scad.edu

Josh:

jl3456@columbia.edu