Archive for August, 2008

Movie Review: “I Know Who Killed Me”

Since we’re such big Showgirls fans, we decided to see IKWKM, the Lindsay Lohan movie that has broken Showgirls record as winning the most Razzies.

So the “plot” goes that Lindsay Lohan plays Aubrey, a college student with a normal life, normal boyfriend, normal parents, and a normal hairless cat. All of sudden, the suburban town if rocked when a local girl is murdered. Everyone is on an edge, and Aubrey is kidnapped next. She is tortured and then found in a ditch somewhere. When she regains consciousness, she tells everyone she is not Aubrey, and is instead Dakota: a homeless stripper raised by a recently dead crack-addict who just happens to be identical in every aspect to Aubrey. SPOILERS! So in the end it turns out that Dakota is Aubrey’s identical twin. Aubrey’s “mother” had her baby stillborn, and Aubrey’s “father”, not wanting to upset his wife, bought one of the twin girls that the crack-addict nearby had just birthed on the same day. This girl grew up to be Aubrey, and her tiwn became Dakota the stripper. When Aubrey was kidnapped, her twin Dakota mysteriously suffered the same wounds at the same time through something called “Stigmata” or some made-up shit like that. So anyways, Dakota is able to figure it our and she suddenly knows that the killer is Aubrey’s piano teacher and magically knows his address, and then repeatedly stabs him in the neck and rescuses Aubery, who has been buried alive.

So obviously, it was pretty bad.

Maybe it didn’t have to be so bad. But it was. Lindsay obviously knew how shitty the whole thing was, and didn’t really put all her effort into it. And then the director chose to really overlay the subtext of “red is evil, blue is good” and literally just bathed the whole Dakota scenes in red and Aubrey’s in blue. It was pretty stupid.

But I still really liked it!

It wasn’t as good as Showgirls, but it definetly was entertaining and provided us with good lines like, “People get cut. That’s life. Sometimes they get cut in half.”

And it was scary, too!!! The torture was just gross (try ice to burn off her hand, cutting off her fingers/foot with a jagged piece of broken glass) and I didn’t even see most of it because it was just too much (but then again, I am a big baby when it comes to things like that so maybe that’s just me).

So I would give it a 7 out of 10 and recommend it to everyone!!


Elaine and Josh’s Sentimental Relationship

In the Facebook chat we had last night, Josh and I decided that if we were in the film Showgirls I would be Nomi and he would be Molly: 



just like nomi!


oh no…you’re right!

you know who you are?

you’d be molly

doing everything people say


friends with everyone


“sure, andrew carver, i’ll go to your room”


yeah you’re right about me being molly


but it’s unfortunate what will happen in you’re storyline


i’m too loose with my friend requests/accepts


but if you’re rapist really is an actor from queer as folk, will you tell him about me?


and i let you walk all over me!


oh yeah!


and please bitch


and i’m really good with garments

aka crochet!


i hook you up with shiz like nomi does

i took you to see tc!

and you would’ve been lucky if that had the same outcome as molly’s meeting with andrew carver


well if you wasn’t for you, i wouldn’t have any reason to want to see tc!

so true


and you wouldn’t have anyone to facebook chat with at 1 in the morning



And remember, tc = Tim Curry. You can read all about how we saw him in “Brush with Fame, Episode 1” a few posts back.


Well, today we attended back-to-school kick off day to collect our books, schedules and awkwardly greet people we haven’t seen (or have cared to see) for the past three months. This annual, unpleasant ritual marks a week left of summer, and a week before the beginning of school.

However, this year is different.

Upon September 2, 2008 we will be embarking on our final year of high school: Senior Year.

If high school is a uterus, than senior year is the birth canal. And after this year, we will be born as adults, into a world of responsibility.

I think I speak for Josh as well as myself when I say that when we face a new situation we like to compare it to a movie  (when you live as vicariously as we do, this is the only way to draw on “past experiences”). However, we’re not as witty as Juno, as quirky as Napoleon Dynamite or overall awww-inducing as any John Hughes film. We’re not even as “real” as those kids from American Teen.

So with no cinematic influences to look towards, we’re off to face the adventures of the dreaded and anticipated Senior Year on our own.

Bosh and all.

Your newly senior friend,


Movie Review: “Hip Hop Kidz: It’s a Beautiful Thing”

Let me set the scene for the way this movie was viewed:

Around five o’clock PM Josh calls me and asks if I have plans for dinner. Naturally, I don’t. He says that his sister is having a dinner party, do I want to come? She told him to invite “everyone he knows”, so her friends will be there too and it will be like a proper dinner party. I get there early so that Josh and I can talk about our new favorite obsession (the film Showgirls). Dinner is served, but the only guests are me, Josh, Josh’s sister and Josh’s sister’s boyfriend who is staying at the house. She explained that all her friends were going to a party so that no one could come, and when she told Josh to invite all his friends she knew that it would only be me. So the four of us enjoyed a lovely dinner.

After dinner, we tried to learn the Goddess dance in Showgirls, rather unsuccessfully, then Josh remembered his newest rental from Netflix, Hip Hop Kidz: It’s a Beautiful Thing”. We heard about this DVD, and the dance troupe it’s about (the Hip Hop Kidz) when one of our friends got into some legal trouble with the creator (true story!)

So around ten o’clock we popped this hour long film in and were amazed by what we saw. The Hip Hop Kidz is (as shown in the flim) a group of about a hundred inner-city kids, ranging in age from five to twenty, get together to sing and dance a little good natured hip hop. A rich girl, Alison, joins the group but (here comes the conflict!) her father doesn’t approve of her hip hoppin’ lifestyle. There is a contest going on for a record deal for the best music video, so the HHK must submit one. But they need Alison’s school to perform! Will she agree and risk her father finding out…or will she betray the HHK who she loves?!?!?!?!?

Obviously, this is a film made for children and tweens.

Our favorite parts:

The HHK some how got enough money together to make a CD (although they then stuggle tremendously to raise the $80 entry fee for the contest (although if every kid gave $10, they would have enough)) and when the packages arrive a youngish girl with big hair holds the CD and says, “Look! I’m a star!!!!!” We quickly nicknamed her Nomi, after Nomi Malone.

Alison’s creepy, creepy father. She is listening to her jammin’ hip hop in her room and he opens the door.

“Alison, what are you doing”

“Nothing, Dad!”

“I can hear  your nothing from down stairs!”

The kiss  between Alison and the love interest. She left her backpack behind and he ran after her to return it. As she runs back to take her backpack, both their faces become shadowed and the scene goes to slow-mo. Very strange, indeed.

And of course, the finale where the HHK were performing in Alison’s school, shooting their music video and all of a sudden, who bursts in the father. He stands at the control room and turns of all the lights and music. Alison steps up, spotlighted, and sings the beautiful theme song to the movie.

So all in all, if you have any preteens who are into rap or hip hop, but arn’t old enough for that evil stuff on the radio, why not introduce them the Hip Hop Kidz? And this DVD also features the choreography to the dances!!

America’s Best Dance Crew Analysis

So the first season of America’s Best Dance Crew (called ABDC by young hipsters) flew by without even stirring me, but after a non-stop marathon of reruns today on MTV leading up to tonight’s finale, I have to say I’m stirred!

I guess I like it for the same reason I like Olympic gymnastics, diving, and table tennis— I enjoy seeing people do amazing things with their bodies that really shouldn’t be possible.

But perhaps the only thing more fascinating than the dance crews is the show’s executive producer! The one and only Randy Jackson! Not only does the official title of the show have to be “Randy Jackson Presents America’s Best Dance Crew” (but obviously RJPABDC isn’t very catchy), the man himself came out on stage to present the winners with a trophy! I almost swooned!

I’ve been searching the world wide web for a picture of what Mr. Jackson was wearing but I can’t find one, so I’ll just have to describe it.

Imagine a diamond encrusted eagle. Imagine Randy Jackson walking down the street in a black button-down shirt. The diamond encrusted eagle flies over Randy Jackson and drops a diamond encrusted crap on his shoulder. Randy brushes it off. The eagle, not discouraged, swoops down and flies straight into Randy Jackson’s chest. And that’s the end for the eagle. He’s just become a decal on Randy Jackson’s shirt.


A million congratulations and well wishes to the newly wed Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi!!

Your Crate and Barrel giftcard is in the mail!

Did you know that what really sealed the deal on Josh and I’s friendship was Mrs. DeGeneres herself? We were put in the same group in Yearbook and not having anything to talk about, one of us started with the oh-so-classic line, “Do you watch Ellen?” Obviously it was a yes, and that led to long conversations about Tony the DJ, Ellen’s jokes and watching the last five minutes of Passions before the show started. For our first Christmas I even gave Josh a copy of her book, “My Point…and I Do Have One”.

So without MRS DeGeneres, Josh and I would not be friends.

And that’s not bosh!

So thank you Ellen for our friendship. And I wish you and Portia all the happiness in the world.



Awk Convo Exceprts, Case #2

Okay, so this wasn’t exactly that awkward but it’s just a really good quote that I overheard at school.

Time: Around 7:27 AM

Date: Around May-ish

Place: Entering the main quad of the high school

Victim: Elaine

Attackers: Two seemingly freshman girls

The Excerpt: Girl #1 has been telling Girl #2 some kind of sad story that happened to her. Girl #2 responds, “Well, that’s the way God intended it. And that sucks.”

Elaine’s Tweets

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Josh’s Tweets

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