The Tale of P. Heaton

I need to address something.

For quite a while now, the search term that most people have used to find Bosh With Elaine and Josh is “patricia heaton”, or some variation, including: patricia heaton+ sexy, patricia heaton pics, patricia heaton see through, etc.

I am extremely disturbed by this trend for two reasons. Mainly  because Patricia Heaton is an inconsiderate bitch, and secondly, she really isn’t that sexy.

When Josh and I attended Comic Con 2009, we experienced her cuntiness live and in person.

You see, we were so excited to see Ms. Heaton that we even decorated Josh’s car for her. She was going to be there to promote her upcoming family sitcom, “The Middle”. (I still can’t figure out why Comic Con was an appropriate venue for this.)

"Pheat is Phat"

"P. Heaton or Bust"

Then we got inside and luckily found out that not only was she screening her TV show…she was also signing autographs!

We got into line and anxiously waited to have a few blessed moments with Pat.

Patricia, Josh, and Elaine

She was nice enough when we spoke to her, and Josh even made her laugh. (Although I can’t remember what it is that he said now.)

We planned the rest of our day around the screening of her show. Now that we were personal friends with her, we HAD to be at the screening, not like we weren’t planning to before anyways, but now we had a relationship to maintain!

The screening was off the grounds of the the Convention Center, so we hauled our giant-ass Harry Potter bags full of free shit over to the nearby hotel ballroom and found seats, ready for P. Heaton. We were given bags from Mom Logic filled with pudding and cartoons.

It was time. The anticipation grew. Everybody was getting tense. Some lady walked up to the podium, clearly to introduce Patricia Heaton. Instead, she claimed that Pat was stuck on the floor of Comic Con and couldn’t get to the screening.

How is this even possible?! Clearly, people would have made way for PATRICIA HEATON, star of “Everybody Loves Raymond” and the Albertson’s commercials, had she simply said, “Excuse me,” and gently nudged her way through the crowd!

However, as the lights dimmed and we watched the pilot of “The Middle”…it became clear what Pat decided not to show up. The show was pretty shitty.

And she didn’t even look sexy in it.

And that is why I hate Patricia Heaton, and why it is so ironic that she is currently the main search term that is getting people here. But if your masturbatory fantasies did get you here looking for Patricia Heaton induced orgasms, could you please spend a moment in the comment section explaining her appeal? Because I just don’t get it. And did you know that she’s a conservative, pro-life Christian?

Oh, and as for the person who got to this blog with the search term “what does a bleach stain look like on a black t-shirt”, it looks like this:

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2 Responses to “The Tale of P. Heaton”


  1. 1 jepartyservice February 25, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    Just for archival sake, the joke we shared was:

    Josh: “I’m really excited to see your new pilot!”
    PHeaton: “Really, you’re going?!”
    Josh: “Yeah!”
    PHeaton: “Well, it’ll just be you and me then!”

    (Josh and PHeaton share a nice laugh and part, never to see each other again.)

  2. 2 Estela October 9, 2014 at 10:56 am

    You share interesting things here. I think that your
    blog can go viral easily, but you must give it initial boost and i
    know how to do it, just search in google (with quotes) for – “mundillo traffic increase make your website go viral”


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