CAST AND CHARACTERS
K-Fed— Andrew Hernandez (mid 30’s wangsta who has a certain way with the ladies. The “Albert Peterson” of Bye Bye Britney)
Shar Jackson— Tara Miremadi (in her first trimester of pregnancy with K-Fed’s baby. The “Rose Alvarez” of Bye Bye Britney)
Lucky— Rachel Goldberg (beautiful, young, and rebellious teen pop sensation, essentially Britney Spears. The “Conrad Birdie” of Bye Bye Britney)
Papi Malone— Sierra Terrebonne (young, slightly naïve teenage girl. The “Kim McAfee” of Bye Bye Britney)
Fairy Godmother— Taylor Jackson (Lucky’s fairy godmother, an old-looking sassy woman. She narrates the story on occasion)
Danja Dangia Danger— Forrest Lighthart (African American teen, really cool, but horny! The “Hugo” of Bye Bye Britney)
Bret Michaels— Annie Le (Papi’s best friend, a girl, a Lucky super-fan. The “Ursula” of Bye Bye Britney)
Mrs. Crystal Malone— Rebecca Hodges (Papi’s mother, religious and uptight; your typical conservative soccer mom, upset that Lucky is coming to town. The “Mr. MacAfee” of Bye Bye Britney)
Mr. Zach Malone— Leo Zhou (Papi’s father, really excited that Lucky is coming to town because he thinks he might get lucky. The “Mrs. MacAfee” of Bye Bye Britney)
Mr. Brett Michaels— Phil Lazaro (Bret’s concerned father)
Un-Named Female Friend— Lindy Edwards (Papi’s friend, Scripps Ranch teenager)
World’s Coolest Mom— Hilary Siegal (typical Scripps Ranch mom who lets crazy teens drink in her home)
Sheriff— Zach Hight (tall, blonde keeper of the Scripps Ranch law)
Roger Johnson— Lindy Edwards (entertainment journalist)
Diane Sawyer’s Voice— Lindy Edwards (host of Good Morning America)
New York Fan Club:
- Fan Club Member #1— Lindy Edwards
- Fan Club Member #2— Becky Odelson
- Fan Club Member #3— Hilary Siegal
- Paparazzi #1— Phil Lazaro
- Paparazzi #2— Leo Zhou
- Ensemble Paparazzi: Zach Hight, Annie Le, Rebecca Hodges, Annu Subramanian, Jordan Jackson
Scripps Ranch Townspeople:
- Ensemble Teens (plus Papi, Bret, and Danja when appropriate): Becky Odelson, Zach Hight
- Ensemble Adults (plus Mrs. Malone, Mr. Malone, and Mr. Michaels when appropriate): Annu Subramanian (#1), Lindy Edwards (#2), Jordan Jackson (#3)
The show opens with Lucky’s Fairy Godmother, who introduces us to Lucky’s life and woes (”Lucky”). The rest of the cast joins her for the chorus. It is revealed by the end that Lucky, a teen sensation, is being sent to rehab for alleged drug possession and influenced driving.
We are first taken to K-Fed’s Office, where K-Fed and Shar are engaged in a conversation. K-Fed is concerned that Lucky has been missing all night and that she’s due in the studio to record a new single, “If U Seek Amy”, but Shar reassures him that this is an oppurtune moment for them to escape. It is revealed that the two are having an affair despite K-Fed’s relationship with Lucky and that Shar is pregnant with K-Fed’s baby. Their plan is to run away to the Bahamas, but money is an issue. K-Fed has some reservations about leaving immediately, and Shar expresses her frustration over the lie that they must live and how much she hates seeing K-Fed pretending to be in love with lucky. She makes him repeat the rules that they have created for this charade – he can have sex with her, but he can’t kiss her. Shar then excitedly fantasizes about her and K-Fed’s idyllic love (”Bombastic Love”). She runs out and begins to pack for the Bahamas. Meanwhile, K-Fed gets a phone call… from the police. Lucky is being forced to go to rehab, and K-Fed is infuriated. He sings about how Lucky drives him insane, as Shar continues to fantasize about their love (”Crazy”). K-Fed hangs up and Shar rushes in with her suitcase. When she sees that K-Fed is distressed over the situation, she puts on her thinking cap.
Shar comes up with an idea to solve both the money and the rehab problem. Before Lucky has to go, they are going to choose one random member of the fan club who will get to “fuck Lucky goodbye” on national television, where she will reveal her new, and last, single, “If U Seek Amy”. With all the money from the publicity stunt in hand, and Lucky out of their hair, the Bahamas is not too far away. As K-Fed goes off to make some calls to pull the whole thing off, Shar pulls aside and fantasizes about her love for K-Fed once more (”Bombastic Love Reprise”).
Meanwhile, in Scripps Ranch, California, Papi’s phone is tied up because she’s talking to her BFF Bret about her new boyfriend Danja. Bret confronts Papi about the rumor that’s been going around school that the two have had sex. Papi refutes the claim and says that she’s still a virgin, but she does admit that the two have had phonesex. As Bret proceeds to criticize Papi for her loose morals, Papi explains why she does it (”Phonography”). Soon enough, the entire town joins in doing “phonography”, in a scene eerily similar to “Telephone Hour” from Bye Bye Birdie. After the song, Papi tells Bret that she’s officially quitting the Lucky fan club, to make room for the new man in her life. Bret freaks out, but they are interrupted by a doorbell. Papi accidentally leaves the phone off the hook as she says bye to Bret to answer the door.
At the door is Danja, visiting Papi on a night when she’s home alone. He makes some small talk with her, but once they’re on the couch, he finally tells her what he’s come for: sex (”Gimme More”). She rejects all of his advances, but he persists. When she begins to hear the garage door opening, signaling her parents’ return, she pushes him out the door, telling him that she’s just not ready for that. After he’s gone, she goes up to her room to avoid her parents and she delivers a powerful ballad on her confusing feelings (”I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman”). At the end of the song, she realizes that the phone’s been off the hook, and she puts it back on before she turns out the light. The phone immediately rings again, and Papi picks it up. She starts to scream as she learns that Lucky is coming to Scripps Ranch to “If U Seek A-Her”. Papi’s dad rushes in to see what’s wrong, and Papi has to help him figure out what “If U Seek Amy” means. After he figures it out, he gets a coy look on his face as he eyes Lucky’s sexy poster on Papi’s wall.
We are immediately taken to the New York Airport, JFK, where the paparazzi are gathered, waiting for Lucky to come through. Also there is Lucky’s fan club, who is busy rehearsing with K-Fed for a highly publicity-stunt routine of “Toxic”, the fan club’s theme song. Suddenly, Lucky comes through and the paparazzi goes crazy– when one of them knocks the Coffee Bean out of her hand, Lucky’s had enough. Her and her fan club posse ban together to taunt the paparazzi back into their little holes (”Kill the Lights”). After the song, which has caused a commotion in the airport, K-Fed rushes Lucky to the plane, and we are transported to the plain runway of Scripps Ranch, where the whole town is waiting.
The town greets Lucky with an excited rendition of “Toxic” but Lucky is whisked away before anyone can touch her. K-Fed goes with her but orders Shar to make an announcement that she’ll be performing at Parrish Field. The whole town excitedly runs off to get good seats at the stadium, but Danja keeps Papi from leaving, and Bret and another friend stay behind with her. Danja confronts Papi about his concern that Papi likes, or even loves, Lucky more than she loves him. But Papi reassures him that he’s her number one guy, even going so far as to promise him a little sex (”I’m a Slave 4 U”). Papi’s two friends perform back-up.
At Parrish Field, Lucky performs her hit single “Radar” and makes her way into the crowd. Whenever she makes eye-contact with somebody, they faint (”Radar”). Eventually, the entire town has fainted. In a blackout, the town struggles and moans and groans as they make their way back home (”Blur”).
When the lights come up, it’s breakfast at Papi’s house and Papi’s mom is in the midst of making a nice breakfast for the family. When Papi informs her that Lucky is on a strict diet and won’t can’t eat pancakes, bacon, or eggs, and that she’ll only eat water, Papi’s mom storms out of the kitchen angrily, as Dad and Papi listen to her tirade. Papi notices that Lucky is making her way down the stairs, and she calls outside her window for Bret and the rest of the town to assemble to watch Lucky eat breakfast. Papi’s mom also comes back in because of the commotion.
Lucky takes a sip of the water, burps loudly, and heads out, but not before saying “Hey Bitch” to Papi’s mom. Papi’s mom is infuriated and after shooing away all the neighbors, the family gets into a fight. K-Fed comes down the stairs excitedly and announces that they’re all going to be on Good Morning America and Diane Sawyer is going to fly out to film live in their home. This immediately gets the whole family excited and they sing about the big splash they’re going to make on national TV (”Freakshow”).
When the lights come on, Lucky and K-Fed are in a heated battle. She tells K-Fed that she doesn’t even want to do this stupid stunt and that she’d rather just go straight to rehab. She threatens to burn her contract with K-Fed unless he lets her leave. K-Fed, worried that Lucky will leave with all the money, professes his love to Lucky and tells her that he’ll be lost without her when she goes into rehab (”Born to Make You Happy”). Lucky suddenly realized that in all the months they have been together, they have not kisses. She tells K-Fed to prove that he loves her by kissing her – which he does. Unbeknownst to K-Fed, Shar overhears the conversation, and kiss, outside the door and is angry– K-Fed broke their promise and sounded so genuine that she believes that he’s double crossed her, with intentions to do so since the beginning. She begins to plot her revenge as she overhears Lucky seducing K-Fed in the next room (”Showdown”).
Suddenly, Danja comes into Shar’s room, wanting to find K-Fed to tell him to not let Papi onto Good Morning America the next morning. Shar tries coming onto Danja, in an effort to make K-Fed jealous, but he refuses. So she retorts, “but Lucky’s going to If U Seek Papi tomorrow Danja… and you don’t want that.” She then comes up with a brand new idea and whispers it to Danja, her new accomplice.
At the Good Morning America show, Lucky performs “If U Seek Amy” and pursues Papi around the stage, who nervously avoids her advances. Finally, at the end of the song, Papi is thrown onto a mattress, and Lucky is poised to mount her. Suddenly, Danja comes out of nowhere and punches Lucky out, who lands square on the mattress. Papi breaks up with Danja on lie television, storming out angrily. Shar reveals to the entire crowd that the whole incident was her doing and she also leaves, but calmly. K-Fed is left on stage to cover it up. He rallies the entire crowd to sing “Toxic” to display their Lucky-mania (”Toxic (Reprise)”).
Next we see Shar packing her bag in Papi’s room, ready to leave K-Fed and Scripps Ranch. Papi is watching Shar pack and talking to Shar about womanhood when K-Fed knocks on the bedroom door. Shar sassily tells him not to even try talking to her (”Don’t Go Knockin’ On My Door”). Papi gets a call from Danja, and after seeing Shar’s display of confidence, she does the same to Danja. The two sing the last choruses together as two powerful, independent women. Papi feels so empowered that she tells Shar that she’s running away with her. She frantically begins to pack, but Shar is already out the door.
In the living room, Lucky and K-Fed are already arguing. Lucky wants to go out but K-Fed refuses to let her out. Defeated, Lucky goes back upstairs, threatening K-Fed to terminate their contract.
Shar enters just as Lucky enters gets very far, K-Fed stops her in her tracks. They bicker for a while, but Shar reveals out loud that she is pregnant with K-Fed’s baby. Unfortunately for K-Fed, Lucky overhears and is furious. Finally aware of K-Fed’s cheating, she beats him up (”Womanizer”).
Mr. Malone and Mrs. Malone come downstairs after hearing all the fighting and worry about the blood he’s spilling on their carpet. Suddenly, Papi rushes down, suitcase in hand, ready to follow Shar, but she’s stopped by her parents. After exchanging some mean words with her parents, Papi storms back upstairs, seemingly defeated.
Back in her room, Papi finds a way to escape– through her window (”(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction”). She defiantly heads off to the rager Shar is at.
At the rager house, a wild DP is going on. Suddenly, Lucky busts through the doors with Fairy Godmother being her (invisible) entourage and becomes the life of the party (”Freakshow”). Shar also comes in and tries to get a beer but is first harassed by the mom of the rager host to give her, her car keys. After doing so, the mom shows her to the hard liquor. After Shar, Papi enters the rager. Lucky spots her as they both stand around the beverage cooler and she strikes up a conversation. Lucky promises to make up the failed “If U Seek Amy” F.U.C.K. by showing her a good time at the rager. She whisks her to the dance floor.
Meanwhile, Shar comes out of the kitchen totally drunk. K-Fed gives her a call on her cellphone, wanting to talk. But Shar is too intoxicated and wild to have a serious conversation and reveals that she is pregnant with a baby girl. She puts the phone down, but that doesn’t stop K-Fed from speaking his true feelings for Shar (”Everytime”). Shar hears none of his profession of love and goes off to get more drinks. The phone disconnects and K-Fed hangs up, ecstatic about a baby girl.
Lucky then decides that she wants to leave the party with Lucky to go somewhere “more private”. Shar overhears their converstaion (and eventual desicion to go off the the deserted Second Lot) and realizes that Lucky’s going to try to have sex with Papi, and that since Papi is a minor this is rape. Shar runs out to find K-Fed.
Fairy Godmother has been dancing the whole time and doesn’t notices too late that Lucky has left the party without her supervision.
Mr. And Mrs. Malone have discovered that Papi is missing and they run to all the neighbor’s homes to try to find her. In the streets of Scripps Ranch, they meet up with other parents whose children have also gone missing. K-Fed runs in, looking for Shar, and Mrs. Malone angrily tells him that the children are missing and that it’s all Lucky’s doing and therefor, K-Fed’s fault. K-Fed tries to reassure them that the kids are fine, but the parents go an a tirade about how outrageous teenagers are nowadays (“Outrageous”).
Danja stumbles in and explains that they wouldn’t let him into the rager, so he tried to buy his own booze at CVS. When he was unsuccessful, he settled for a Monster which has gotten him drunk. Mrs. Malone questions him about where Papi has gone, but he’s too “drunk” to answer.
Shar dashes in and tells everyone that Lucky has taken Papi out to the second lot to rape her. The parents rush off to find them. And K-Fed asks Shar why she did that – once they find Lucky, they’ll be in big trouble, too and they still can’t afford their new life in the Bahamas. Shar tells him that they’re leaving tonight to go to Tijuana and that when Lucky is a convicted rapist and is in jail, the money will all go to them anyways. K-Fed, happy at first, then wonders out loud about Lucky’s fate. Shar, upset that he cares about Lucky’s ass rotting in the Scripps Ranch town jail, demands that K-Fed prove to her that he is not n love with Lucky. He agrees to pay Lucky a final visit in jail to tell her just that.
Meanwhile, Papi and Lucky arrive in the Second Lot. Papi is nervous, but Lucky is horny and wants Papi right then (“Mmm Papi”). By the end of the song, Papi has fallen into Lucky’s spell. But before they get anywhere, Mr. and Mrs. Malone arrive on the scene with a Sheriff in tow and Danja following along. Lucky is immediately arrested and taken away. Papi asks her parents how they found her, and Mrs. Malone lis and says it was Danja, who goes along with her plan. Overjoyed and thankful, Papi forgives Danja for punching Lucky on GMA and stays behind with him in the Second Lot while her parents go back home.
Lucky is alone in her jail cell and K-Fed and Shar come to pay their final visit. K-Fed hesitantly tells Lucky, under Shar’s orders, that he never loved her (“Oops…I Did it Again”) and that it was all part of he and Shar’s plan to get her money. However, he also confesess that he did love her a little bit, but now he has a child, he must become a responsible father. Lucky angrily tells them that if they want her money, they can have it. Shar is happy and runs off with the regretful K-Fed. Lucky is left by herself, and Fairy Godmother (who has been invisibly with her the whole time) decides that now is the time for Lucky to see her.
Lucky is glad to see Fairy Godmother and tells her that she regrets ever making this wish to become famous. Fairy Godmother decides that she can grant Lucky one more wish – the wish to become Britney again. Lucky chuckles to herself – she had almost forgotten that she was Britney. Fairy Godmother asks Lucky what she wants, and Lucky tells her she needs “me” (“Overprotected”). Fairy Godmother grants her wish, and Lucky becomes Britney once again (“Stronger”). Lucky – now Britney – leaves the jail cell and walks out the theater, empowered and self-aware. The entire cast sings the chorus to “Stronger”, and the sun finally rises.