Goodbye Summer

If Christmas is the greatest time of the year, then Labor Day is the worst. It signifies the end of summer, and, of course, the start of school. No, I’m just kidding. We’re in college now, so school is exciting and fun! Right?

Josh left yesterday to return to New York, and I’m heading back to Savannah in less than a week. Time to get out of Scripps Ranch Mode and back into College Mode…it’s still strange.

This has been a lovely summer. We had lots of time to just hang out, chat, and craft. Compared to last summer, when we made a 90 minute musical and went to Seattle, these past three months have been pretty quiet. But that’s not a bad thing. It was a summer of self-discovery and emotional awakenings.

To make up for the complete lack of posts, I’ve made this snazzy slideshow of photos from Summer 2010, and things which represent it! (Some photos I’ve also stolen from Annie, Emily, Hilary and Nishita.)

Now, can I be real honest with you for a moment? I think that we’ve all known that this is coming. Bosh With Elaine and Josh is dying. I know, it’s sad. But we had a good two year run, right? I hate to say it, but it’s just true. People get cut, blogs die, that’s life.  We will definitely try to return to this blogging format one day, but for now, between school and everything else, it’s just a little tricky.

I almost hate to admit this, but we’ve moved to Tumblr. Yeah, I know. But, to be honest, I actually like Tumblr a lot! So please follow us there, and keep up with our favorite black and white photographs and song lyrics! And don’t worry, we’ll still Twitter-ing, too.

Josh –  http://fuckyeahjoshlin.tumblr.com/ , http://twitter.com/joshlin1

Elaine – http://gotaplan.tumblr.com/ , http://twitter.com/elainerosegray

So thanks for reading these weird posts about Britney Spears and Showgirls. Until next time…

Love,

Elaine

I’ve Seen the Future, and It Was in 3-D

Josh and I were lucky enough to see the masterpiece film Piranha 3D the day it came out. The crowd at San Diego’s premier theater was rather small, but the movie was anything but.

I will sum up the 89 minute film for you in two pictures:

Girls! Girls! Girls!

Gore! Gore! Gore!

Really, what more could you want??

Basically, the “plot” reads as thus: right before college spring-breakers invade Lake Victoria, a sudden earthquake releases prehistoric piranhas into the water. The local town sheriff must save as many people as possible…including her children!

To say the movie was entertaining is an understatement. To say it’s in the vein of campy horror films is incorrect, because it is one. A delicious mix of Russ Meyer and Herschell Gordon Lewis, there’s enough nudity, gore, humor, cheesy dialogue and sheer ridiculous-ness to fill three movies. And it’s all in glorious 3D! In a scene like this, you get a contact high!

Piranha 3D‘s success stems from the fact that it know exactly what it is, and full on embraces it. Half way through the film there is an absolute massacre, with hungry, prehistoric piranhas killing hundreds of partying teenagers. A head is smashed, a body is completely sliced through, a girl’s face is ripped off after her hair becomes tangled in a boat motor, bodies fall apart, a piranha eats through someone’s stomach/esophagus and exits via their mouth…all in 3D! Still not convinced that Piranha 3D is the best movie of the summer/year? There’s a silly subplot about a Joe Francis-esque soft corn porn-maker, and we watch his two models (pictured above) cavort, naked, underwater, to classical music for solid minute.

So, friends and film-aficionados, I urge to see Piranha 3D as fast as you can. Run, don’t walk, etc., etc….you won’t be sorry.

(Oh, but don’t don’t bother staying after the credits. We I did in hopes for one last hit of camp, but it turns out, there wasn’t anything there.)

Poor Bosh with Elaine and Josh. Poor, poor Bosh with Elaine and Josh.

I feel so bad about neglecting this blog for an entire month. I shouldn’t have kept you waiting…but I’m here now.

It’s been a good summer so far. Natch, it’s nice to be reunited with my fam and besties, and we’ve been having lots of fun.

Josh and I have been good little college students, and we both have internships, and are taking a class at the local community college. (Although tonight we’re ditching to go to Kathy Griffin’s book signing. Shhhh.)

TBH, being home is kind of confusing. Sometimes I forget that whole year at college even happened and it just feels like it will be summer forever. But alas, only a month and half more.

Regrettably, I don’t have any really big exciting news to share. No feature length films or theatrical endeavors this summer. We did, however, celebrate the opening of Britney’s limited edition clothing line for Candie’s, only at Kohl’s!

We got there an hour before Kohl’s opened…and surprisingly we were the only ones! But that’s why we’re Brit’s numba 1 fans.

But otherwise, we’re just doing the usual: crafting, eating California burritos and watching bad movies.

May all your summers’ be splendid, and hopefully, we’ll write something more meaningful soon.

Summer Break

I am finally down to the last week of my spring quarter, and summer is just six short days away. I still have to pack my whole room away, study for final exams and say goodbye to the HUNDREDS of new besties I’ve made…but for right now, I think I’ll repeat my On Spring Break post, but this time, with Britney gifs.

Me, thinking about all the crafting and other fun activities that we’re going to do over spring break:

Walking out of class on the last day:

Bored, on the bus ride, then airplane ride home:

Gettin’ down at parties:

Just generally having a fun, San Diego summer with my besties, going to Hooters, talking to spirits and having sleepovers:

Six more days!

Love,

Elaine

Summer Movies

Hi Bosh. So sorry for leaving you neglected for an entire month. I think that this is the longest time since your conception that you’ve been alone. I hope that you can get over this unfortunate incident, and won’t require any therapy in the future. Let’s look at the bright side, we’re all back together now, so there’s no need to fret!

As an apology gift, I made this for you:

I was going to make it our header, but I decided that it was too busy. I hope that you like it, and that it reminds you of some of the happy times we’ve shared.

But, moving on…

Let’s talk about something more exciting! Something like…summer movies!

You probably won’t be surprised at all to learn that the “summer movies” I’m talking about aren’t Eclipse, Prince of Persia, or Sex and the City 2…but that’s why you love me, right?

So, without further ado,

Elaine’s Most Anticipated 2010 Summer Movies:

1) The Human Centipede

I’ve been following THC hype for quite a few months now, and finally, this twisted little piece of filth is being toured around the country, to be pointed at and mocked, just like it deserves. What? You’ve not heard of The Human Centipede? Well, I think we all know by now that this is a family website, so I won’t go into the details here, but please, read up at the film’s website. Obviously, this is the type of movie that is not getting a wide release (not even a limited release!), so be sure to see it when it comes to your town!

2) Life During Wartime

Todd Solondz is exactly the kind of freak that I love. This is the mind that brought you Welcome to the Dollhouse, Palindromes, Storytelling, and the ultimate in darker-than-dark-comedy, Happiness. To that very film, he’s created a sequel, catching up with the three sisters and their fucked-up lives’. Starring Paul Reubens (aka Pee-wee Herman) and Ally Sheedy, this is sure to be most horrific comedy of the summer! (Limited release starts July 23.)

3) Piranha 3D

IMDb gives the synopsis to this sure-to-be ground-breaking film, as:  “After a sudden underwater tremor sets free scores of the prehistoric man-eating fish, an unlikely group of strangers must band together to stop themselves from becoming fish food for the area’s new razor-toothed residents.” If that alone doesn’t get you excited, then you, dear reader, are dead inside. But truly, only once you watch the trailer will you understand the complete gore filled, camp-fest that Piranha is set up to be. Now: just imagine that in 3D. (Opens August 27.)

4) Love Ranch

I guess that this is a drama, starring Oscar winner Helen Mirren,  based on the real-life events surrounding the opening the first legal brother in Nevada. But all I see, is Gina Gershon in a bikini. (Opens June 30.)

5) Babies

What can I say? Babies are cute! But considering that the four leads can’t talk, I am a little worried the it’ll get boring…but  I always remember that John Waters once said that if a movie gets dull, you can just start to obsess over one detail, like the lamps, and then suddenly, it becomes a whole movie about lamps! This wasn’t a very positive comment on Babies... (Opened May 7.)

6) Trash Humpers

You may be familiar with some of Harmony Kornie’s other films, such as Kids or Gummo (or if you’re really an expert, his fantastically named and impossible to locate short, The Diary of Anne Frank, Part II), and this piece is another look at the most fucked up aspect of culture. It’s about some guys in old-man masks who, among humping trash, smash televisions and steal things. (Technically it’s not a summer 2010 movie since it was made last year, but he seems to be doing an awful lot of touring with it this summer, so I thought I’d include in.) FOR THE RECORD: I have zero interest in seeing this film. I’m just thankful that it exists. (Check the Trash Humpers website to see if the film and Harmony are coming to your city!)

7) Splice

IMdb synopsis: “Elsa and Clive, two young rebellious scientists, defy legal and ethical boundaries and forge ahead with a dangerous experiment: splicing together human and animal DNA to create a new organism. Named “Dren”, the creature rapidly develops from a deformed female infant into a beautiful but dangerous winged human-chimera, who forges a bond with both of her creators – only to have that bond turn deadly.” I’ll never not be excited about stupid movies like this. (Opens June 4.)

8 ) All About Evil

Peaches Christ is the drag queen alter ego of Joshua Granell, a San Francisco based filmmaker. This is his first feature-length film. Before making All About Evil, Joshua ran a summer series that became a staple of the San Francisco film scene called Midnight Mass, in which Peaches Christ would screen the best of cult cinema, featuring elaborate pre-shows and audience interaction. (I think you can see why he appeals to me…) This movie is a love letter to the cult movies that I, Joshua Granell and other freaks around the world adore, with a focus on horror. It stars Natasha Lyonne, Thomas Dekker, Cassandra Petersen (aka Elvira) and Mink Stole. And I have to say, it really touches my heart that here’s this guy, that grew up worshiping John Waters, and now he’s touring the country with Mink Stole, promoting his movie that she starred in! (All About Evil is touring around the country! It’ll be in San Diego on August 21. See if the movie is coming to your city!)

So, those are my summer movie suggestions. But go ahead. Just go see The Karate Kid remake. I won’t judge you for it. Too much.

Lots of love,

Elaine

First Circus-versary!

Exactly one year ago today, April 19th, 2009, Josh and I were blessed to attend The Circus: Starring Britney Spears in Anaheim, California. Can you believe that it’s been a year since the concert? It really does feel like yesterday. Kind of.

In case you’re wondering, nothing ever came of our radio exposure, unfortunately.  But if you remember our other experience on April 19th, the failed attempt to see the cast of REPO! The Genetic Opera at the Fangoria convention, that was resolved many months later, when we went to a midnight screening of REPO! in San Diego, and sat next to Alexa Vega.

But back to Brit. The Circus was, by far, the best concert I’ve ever been to (no offense, Neil Diamond!). In terms of the enthusiasm of the crowd, and the performance itself, a Britney Spears concert really can’t be beat.

So happy First Circus-versary! May many more follow, and may we have the luck to see Britney Spears, live again one day.

Whether You Like it or Not…

Today was a normal Wednesday. I woke up before the Georgia sun had risen to get to my 8 AM Computer Arts class, and then returned at 11 AM, ready for my nappy time. But before I drifted off to dream land, I went onto the World Wide Web to see what was going on. And there I found something potentially life-changing. Or at least really fucking exciting.

Ladies and gentleman,

whether you like it or not,

Hedwig and the Angry Inch is headed to Broadway this fall, starring John Cameron Mitchell.

Just let that sentence sink in. I’m not sure how to punctuate it correctly, because no amount of exclamation marks or use of bolding or italics can really get across how truly incredible this is.

I must have read the New York Post article three times before I gripped the reality of it. I swear that I nearly cried.

It’s been 12 years since Hedwig did it’s off-Broadway run, and 9 years since the film came out. JCM says that he literally quit acting for that amount of time because the role was just so demanding…so I’m not completely sure why he’s choosing to go back to it now, but I’m certainly thankful that he is.

The original director, David Binder, and producer are also returning, and the play itself is changing. Binder says:

One thought is to fashion a story line that has Hedwig playing a one-night-only gig at a Broadway house. The previous show hasn’t moved out yet, so Hedwig is scrambling around an old set.

Stephen Trask is even going to write some new songs for this production that are inspired by Hedwigs around the world, which is really interesting. No word yet if Miriam Shor will be returning to play Hedwig’s much abused husband, Yitzhak.

There is no doubt at all that I will be there. Be it from San Diego, or Savannah, I would travel across the world to see John Cameron Mitchell play Hedwig. I’m almost worried, because after this, what more reason will I have to live?

I feel like this whole post is coming off as kind of cold and not very enthusiastic, but I don’t know how to express my joy for this short of using the caps lock key. And that’s just obnoxious.

Since my birthday is next week, I’m going to take this as a personal gift from the Universe to me. Thank you, Universe. Thank you very much.

(But if anyone else wants to get me a more immediate gift, I’d really appreciate the complete series of OZ.)

Now it’s only a matter of waiting. Until fall. When I get to see

John

Cameron

Mitchell

on

stage.

Blissfully,

Elaine

Bad Movies, Good People

If I am anything, I am a loyal fan. When I find some actor/filmmaker/artist/personality that I really like, I will do pretty much anything for that person. And by that, I mean seeing all the bad movies they’ve been in. I was just thinking about all my famous “friends”, and the absolute shit that I’ve sat through to see them (be it for one brief moment in a Hollywood blockbuster, or a starring role in an independent flop) and I thought I’d share some of them with you.

• Band of the Hand

I saw this lost gem for that little guy in the yellow shirt and dyed hair. That, my friends, is baby John Cameron Mitchell. The film itself if an 80’s movie about a group of five troublemakers, who get the choice of living in the jungle for a bit, or going to jail. They choose the jungle, and learn all about themselves and each other. The Breakfast Club in nature. It obviously sucks. But JCM is so damn cute with his orange hair and painted on tattoos. If we continue The Breakfast Club analogy, then he was the Ally Sheedy character. I will leave you with a quote from a review someone posted on Netflix about this movie that I really enjoyed, “The scenery and photography is artistic and beautiful but not so artistic that it would be considered artsy.” That, ladies and gentleman, is the greatest thing said about any movie, ever. Too bad it was wasted on this piece of shit that no one has ever seen. Except for John Cameron Mitchell, John Cameron Mitchell’s mom, and me.

• All the Queen’s Men

I’ve seen the most bad movies for my fave British, transvestite, comedian/actor Eddie Izzard (no offense to all the other British, transvestite comedian/actors out there). In his quest for legitimate acting gigs, I think he just took any role that came his way. And no one, no matter how desperate they are, should EVER take a film role opposite Matt LeBlanc. I explored All the Queen’s Men in more detail in this post.

• Pecker

The only John Waters movie I didn’t like. The only John Waters movie that is just straight up bad. (Note: we have to judge JWat’s films on a different kind of scale, since all his movies are technically, “bad”.) It’s fairly dull, and nothing too exciting happens. A lot of fans hate everything post Desperate Living…but, people, after he got that studio money and mainstream support from Hairspray, he just couldn’t make movies like Pink Flamingos anymore, let’s be real. But, I feel like he managed to work a sort of “filth-lite” charm into other films like Serial Mom or Cecil B. Demented…this one just didn’t work out. The fake trashiness was forced, so that it seemed like someone trying to recreate what they think a John Waters movie should be. Oh, well. They can’t all be winners. And there is a good moment where Christina Ricci screams, “I HATE MODERN ART.” That’s cute.

• Gunslinger’s Revenge

One of the most laughably bad movies I’ve ever seen. It stars Harvey Keitel, and is an Italian spaghetti western. And also featurs David Bowie. I won’t bore you with the plot (mostly because I can’t remember it) BUT ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW is that David Bowie, who plays the bad guy, utters the following statement to a barmaid: “You’re a lucky woman. I ain’t gonna kill you. Today, I’m just gonna rape you.” BAD MOVIE BLISS.

• Hudson Hawk

For dear Richard E. Grant, star of Withnail and I. Unfortunately, this big-budget, Bruce Willis-starring, action/”comedy” was no where near similar to the beautiful subtley and British wit of Withnail. The Showgirls of action movies. And not in a good way. REG was cute as the villain with Sandra Bernhard as his partner in crime, though.

• Say Uncle

And enter the Queer as Folk obsession. Peter Paige, the flamboyant Emmet from QAF, attempted the tricky trio of writing/directing/starring in this “dark comedy”, about a gay man who tries to work as a babysitter in a suburban neighbor, which ends up distressing the residents. Oh, Peter. Stay in front of the camera, my friend. It takes some skill to make a funny movie about supposed child molestation…

• Particles of Truth

Another attempt by the QAF gang, this time starring the beautiful Gale Harold. (Isn’t Gale a really nice name?) Anyways, this suffers from the same delusion of Say Uncle, with firsttimer Jennifer Elster writing/directing/starring in the film opposite Gale. All I can remember is artsy shots of him shaving (which would definitely be “so artistic that it would be considered artsy”, and not in a good way) and her entering some kind of club and getting mauled by German Shepards and then being raped. I think it was about finding yourself, or some shit like that.

• Holding Trevor

This was really disappointing, because it took years (literally) to be released on DVD, and once it was, I couldn’t even get through it. Starring the cutest boy in the world, Jay Brannan, it was billed as some kind of gay coming-of-age in the big city kind of thing. Not the most unique story in the world, but anything for my little, shaved, singer/songwriter. Long story short, I hated all the characters and didn’t give a shit about their identity crises. Not even Jay was enough to finish the movie. Why does all gay, independent cinema suck so bad? (That’s another post all together!)

And that’s just a sampling of some of the sucky-ass movies I seen for the people I love. And we didn’t even talk about The L Word gang, or Elizabeth Berkley’s Lifetime movies! . Why do I torture myself like this? I wish I knew. I just love collecting these bad movies, I suppose. And seeing these people move through their careers really touches me. I mean, look at Eddie Izzard now! From Matt LeBlanc to Tom Cruise!

Anyways, I suppose that the moral of this post is that I lack appropriate judgment skills, and will blindly be led by obsessions with people who will never know I exist to consume all of their work. Is that normal?

Now I really want to re-watch Queer as Folk.

Love,

Elaine

My night in music.

So last night we had a really fun night (or at least I vaguely remember we did) all thanks to our good friend Daniel. Here was our night in music.

The beginning of the night, at the community park with hartknight and Julia, just before Daniel and Elaine were about to come:

(Of course there are several versions of this song, but this one is the best!)

A bit later, cruising around Scripps Ranch and Mira Mesa for a good place to chill.

After initial difficulties, and multiple failures, all hope is nearly lost. We are at the park, but failures. Only our prayers keep our hopes alive.

An hour later: We’re almost there, still at the park… almost ready…

A few minutes later: SUCCESS!

Later, in front of Sombrero’s, my mother calls me and I pick up… I’m sure you’ve seen this video a million times by now.

Finally, I go home because my mommy wants me to, I facebook some, and I go to bed…

This morning, I wake up and I’m not really sure what happened.

And that’s everything in a nutshell!

Husbands and Husbands

Sorry for our absence. Blame it on finals.

But to make up for it (because I know how upsetting it is to all our many, many loyal readers when we don’t post regularly) here’s a really cute video of a little boy, who is more intelligent than 52% of Californians.

On Spring Break

There are but twelve short days separating me from San Diego. This quarter has been much busier than the last one, and I am very much looking forward to going home. Rather than re-writing that essay for Composition, editing my Color Theory project or working on my movie for Intro to Film, I think that I’ll visually show my excitement for spring break by utilizing my new favorite, and very specific, art form: Showgirls gifs.

How I feel about the next twelve days:

Me working hard on all my final projects:

Me on the last day of the quarter, relieved that it is over:

Me getting off the plane:

Josh and I at SMG:

Josh and I catching up:

Josh being a freak:

My spring fling:

Okay, sorry, I’ll stop now.

Feel Bad Moment of the Day

Feel Good Moment of the Day

The Tale of P. Heaton

I need to address something.

For quite a while now, the search term that most people have used to find Bosh With Elaine and Josh is “patricia heaton”, or some variation, including: patricia heaton+ sexy, patricia heaton pics, patricia heaton see through, etc.

I am extremely disturbed by this trend for two reasons. Mainly  because Patricia Heaton is an inconsiderate bitch, and secondly, she really isn’t that sexy.

When Josh and I attended Comic Con 2009, we experienced her cuntiness live and in person.

You see, we were so excited to see Ms. Heaton that we even decorated Josh’s car for her. She was going to be there to promote her upcoming family sitcom, “The Middle”. (I still can’t figure out why Comic Con was an appropriate venue for this.)

"Pheat is Phat"

"P. Heaton or Bust"

Then we got inside and luckily found out that not only was she screening her TV show…she was also signing autographs!

We got into line and anxiously waited to have a few blessed moments with Pat.

Patricia, Josh, and Elaine

She was nice enough when we spoke to her, and Josh even made her laugh. (Although I can’t remember what it is that he said now.)

We planned the rest of our day around the screening of her show. Now that we were personal friends with her, we HAD to be at the screening, not like we weren’t planning to before anyways, but now we had a relationship to maintain!

The screening was off the grounds of the the Convention Center, so we hauled our giant-ass Harry Potter bags full of free shit over to the nearby hotel ballroom and found seats, ready for P. Heaton. We were given bags from Mom Logic filled with pudding and cartoons.

It was time. The anticipation grew. Everybody was getting tense. Some lady walked up to the podium, clearly to introduce Patricia Heaton. Instead, she claimed that Pat was stuck on the floor of Comic Con and couldn’t get to the screening.

How is this even possible?! Clearly, people would have made way for PATRICIA HEATON, star of “Everybody Loves Raymond” and the Albertson’s commercials, had she simply said, “Excuse me,” and gently nudged her way through the crowd!

However, as the lights dimmed and we watched the pilot of “The Middle”…it became clear what Pat decided not to show up. The show was pretty shitty.

And she didn’t even look sexy in it.

And that is why I hate Patricia Heaton, and why it is so ironic that she is currently the main search term that is getting people here. But if your masturbatory fantasies did get you here looking for Patricia Heaton induced orgasms, could you please spend a moment in the comment section explaining her appeal? Because I just don’t get it. And did you know that she’s a conservative, pro-life Christian?

Oh, and as for the person who got to this blog with the search term “what does a bleach stain look like on a black t-shirt”, it looks like this:

The Bosh French Literature Series– Part 1

Welcome readers to the Bosh French Literature Series!

Here, each week (or less), you will be introduced to  a stunning work of French Literature written by none other than me! These pieces are the products of a French stylistic course I’m taking now and it should produce some beautiful works of art.

For the first part in the series, here is a poem entitled, “Britney, mon amour” (“Britney, my love”).

(French in italics, followed by an English translation.)

“Britney, mon amour”

Les méchantes tresses du soleil,
Qui durement me tirent du sommeil,
Ne me donnent pas autant de joie
Que tes voluptueux rayons de soie.

Et la lune qui monte au ciel chaque nuit,
Est si ordinaire qu’elle m’ennuie.
Mais ta bouche et tes lèvres croissantes
Brille d’une lumière vive, toute-puissante.

Et les montagnes, quels sommets laids !
Qui aux plaines plates volent la paix !
Mais tes cimes dorment en harmonie calme,
Comme des vagues douces qui bercent les palmes.

Mais à quoi servent ces anciens troncs d’arbre,
Qui ne soutiennent que des branches sombres ?
Ton cou élégant porte tout ce que j’adore :
Ton cerveau, tes yeux, tes cheveux d’or.

Tous les toscans tournesols qui poussent
Faneront lorsque l’hiver les touche,
Mais tes yeux resteront en couleur,
Tes cils les protègent de la froideur.

Et les écureuils ont des joues charmantes,
Selon toutes les folles ignorantes.
Elles n’ont jamais vu tes joues rosées,
Rondes, comme des collines de blé.

Quand le grand vent fait frissonner mon sang,
Comme un soldat des cieux blessants,
Tes bras puissants me protègent d’heurts—
Ils sont mes héros, et mes vainqueurs.

Même dans la nature tu chasses le pire,
Puisque, mon amour, t’es Britney Spears.

(English translation:)

“Britney, my love”

The menacing braids of the sun,
Who harshly pull me from sleep,
Do not give me as much joy
As your voluptuous rays of silk.

And the moon that mounts the sky each night
Is so ordinary that it bores me
But your mouth and your crescent lips
Shine a vibrant light, all powerful.

As for mountains, what ugly summits!
Who from the flat plains steal peace!
But your peaks sleep in calm harmony,
Like the soft waves who rock the palm trees.

But for what purpose serve this ancient tree trunks
Who only support somber branches?
Your elegant neck carries all that I adore:
Your brain, your eyes, your golden hair.

All of the Tuscan sunflowers that grow
Will wither once winter touches them,
But your eyes will remain colorful,
Your lashes protect them from the cold.

And squirrels have charming cheeks
According to ignorant fools;
They have never seen your rosen cheeks,
Round, like rolling hills of wheat.

When the great vale freezes my blood,
Like a solder of the injuring skies,
Your powerful arms guard me from blows–
They are my heroes, and my victors.

Even in nature you chase away the worst,
Because, my love, you are Britney Spears.

__________________END POEM____________________

I’m not one to brag, but I mean c’mon– you might as well hand me the Nobel Prize for Literature right now.

And wait until you see what I have in store for next week.

And yes, as embarrassing as that poem is, I did hand that into my French professor.