It’s Josh, Bitch!

So the title of this post not only reflects my long absence from Bosh (WordPress tells me it’s been a month!), but it also addresses my selected topic: dorm room decor and first impressions.

First, let’s talk about my return to Bosh. Many of you should be aware of J+E<3 Production’s magnum opus “Bye Bye Britney”, the reason for my lack of Boshing. Add a vacation getaway to the Pacific Northwest, a nervous breakdown, technical difficulties, and a new-found addiction to nicotine and solitaire and that’s basically the last 4 weeks in a nutshell (not necessarily in that order). But now I’m back, and I actually have a lot that I want to blog about, so maybe I might get into one post a day! That is, until I start school and sit in my room and study all day.

Now onto the anecdotal part of the post (why am I using such big words today?).

Last night, I was washing my face and thinking about Britney Spears. The usual. The my sister pops her head in the bathroom and asks:

“So are you ready for college?”

“… I guess so…”

“Do you already know what posters you’re going to bring?”

“Actually I do!” So I showed her the posters I wanted to bring: my cool looking “Kill Bill” poster, my sexy “Pulp Fiction” poster, an art print that I stole from her room, a photograph of the Eiffel Tower, and then I showed her my really special posters: my “Repo: The Genetic Opera” poster, which I don’t think concerned my sister very much, and the real trouble maker, my “The Middle” poster.

Most of you have no idea what I’m talking about when I say “The Middle”, so I’m going to go ahead and post this photo for you.

"The Middle" starring Patricia Heaton.

"The Middle" starring Patricia Heaton.

Yes, that is Patricia Heaton in a unitard and cape. Yes, that is Patricia Heaton’s signature on the poster. Yes, I plan on bringing this to college.

You see, I had to wait in line at Comic Con for 30 minutes to get that poster signed. And even though Patricia Heaton is a bitch, it was worth it. And the poster really just holds too much meaning for me to leave it in San Diego.

Concerned, my sister urged: “Don’t bring that Josh. Are you bringing any posters of Britney Spears?”

“I don’t have any (yet),” (The thing in parantheses was said in my mind).

“Good, don’t bring any. Because your room is people’s first impression of you and you don’t want them to think you’re weird.”

I laughed and went back to washing my face, but it made me think… what do I want people’s impression of me to be? I mean, I’d rather have my room say “It’s Josh, Bitch!” than “I’m another Quentin Tarantino fan, Bitch!”. And if there was a way that I could get my room to literally speak the words “It’s Josh, Bitch!”, I’d do it. Of course, that’d annoy my roommate.

So, in order to help me assess what type of first impression I’m going to be putting out there, I’m going to list what I’m planning to put in my room and what each item says about me. I’ll let you decide which ones are correct first impressions and which are not.

Dorm Room Decor List:

  1. “Kill Bill Volume One” poster says… “I love violence and gore!” OR “I am a serious Lucy Liu fan.” 
  2. “Pulp Fiction” poster says… “LOL at Uma Thurman almost dying!” OR “LOL at sodomy and rape!” OR “I’m a badass motherfucker.”
  3. “Ceci n’est pas une pipe” art print says… “I have a problem with tobacco.” OR “I’m not really an art person, I just like this print because there’s French on it.”
  4. Translates to: This is not a pipe.

    Translates to: "This is not a pipe."

  5. “The Middle” poster says… “My mom is true a superhero!” OR “Patricia Heaton is my IDOL.”
  6. “Repo!: The Genetic Opera” poster says… “I am into some obscure films.” OR “You should watch your back around me.”
  7. “Showgirls” poster featuring a nude Elizabeth Berkley and suction cup pasties says… “I LIKE TITS.” OR “I really have a taste for classic film.”
  8. Eiffel Tower photograph says… “Vive la France!” OR “I’ve never actually seen this landmark in person, but it’s really chic to be into French things.”
  9. Britney Spears poster/collage/life size wax model says… “I love Britney Spears more than anything else on this earth!” OR “I am a flaming homosexual.” OR “I like really edgy music.”
  10. Playbills from various shows such as “CATS”, “Hedwig and the Angry Inch”, and “CATS Jr.” say… “Okay, I’m a freak.” OR “I cried when Grizabella went up into the Heaviside Layer!”
  11. Something Asian my parents will undoubtedly give me for good fortune says… “So I’m Chinese or Japanese or something?” OR “I have no idea what this says, but Asian art fascinates me” OR “I do nail, onry five dolla!”
  12. Various photos of my friends and I say… “See, I’m not a complete loser!” OR “I don’t even know who these people are.”
  13. Scary photo of Anthony Hopkins in “Silence of the Lambs” says… “FLY, FLY, FLY, FLY, FLY…” OR “I ❤ Cannibalism!” OR “This is my idea of attractive.”

Once my room is actually decorated, I’ll take a photo so you can all see how accurately I portrayed myself to unsuspecting people walking into my room.

Peace,

Josh

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1 Response to “It’s Josh, Bitch!”


  1. 1 jepartyservice August 25, 2009 at 6:55 am

    I LOLed in the process of reading this.


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Elaine and Josh:

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Elaine:

elgray21@student.scad.edu

Josh:

jl3456@columbia.edu


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