What are you doing? Why are you so angry? Why have you ended the lives of Ed MacMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, and Billy Mays in less than a week?
Listen, Jesus. I’m already stressed enough trying to put on three musicals over the summer, and now I have to constantly worry about which celebrity is going to die next!
Celebrity deaths are more stressful than the deaths of normal, boring people, because you have to read about them on every website you visit and every paper you open. There are countless VH1 retrospectives and E! Breaking News reports. When a normal person dies, you just get a phone call and then it’s over. Whatever.
So, Jesus, I’d really appreciate it if you could hold off for awhile on making celebrities die. I’d really appreciate it.
I’ll be honest, Jeezy, this is why I pray to Britney Spears instead of you. She’s a lot more loving.