Apologies

I’d like to take this time to formally apologize to our friend, Devin, for Josh and I performing this song at her Open Mic themed birthday party in front of her mother:

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of her favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of her favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of her favorite things

When Cunt-E strikes
When For-For bites
When she’s feeling sad
She just remembers Josh and Elaine
and then she don’t feel so bad!

Séances, dancing and singing to Britney
Going to parties and grinding with Clintney
Ewan McGregor and his rather large thing
These are a few of her favorite things

Walking and talking with Josh and Elaine
Dreaming and scheming with Josh and Elaine
Josh and Elaine, and Josh and Elaine
These are a few of her favorite things

We called the clinic to make her appointment
But they were all booked to our disappointment
So we got gloves and a rather large stick
Swirled it around and pulled it out quick

When Cunt-E strikes
When For-For bites
When she’s feeling sad
She just remembers Josh and Elaine
and then she don’t feel so bad!

Then I’d like to apologize to Devin for our performing the following scene about her and her boyfriend, Forrest, inspired by the film Forrest Gump in front of her mother and her younger sister:

Devin taught me how to climb, and I taught her to dangle.
I drove her around in my red truck, and she became deaf in her left ear. (Left because she could hang her right ear out the window like a dog).
Devin took me to all these fancy dances and taught me how to be a gentleman.
She showed me a whole new genre of music. It’s called “modern”.
And I told her some of my favorite white supremacist jokes. She did not like them.
Devin and I were like peas and carrots.

One time, I went to her dorm room in the rain and said, “Devin, let me touch your boobies again like you did that one time.” She said, “No”, and we got in a fight…

“Devin! Come on!”
“Forrest, I’m on my period.”
“That’s bullshit, Devin.”
“Check, Forrest.”
“Nuh-uh. I’m not doing that again.”
(Awkward silence)
“I think you should leave now, Forrest.”
(He begins to leave, music starts)
“Devin…”

But I won’t apologize for our rendition of “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” which followed!

Anyways, sorry to Devin, Forrest, and Devin’s mom for making things sufficiently awkward.

I hope that you’ll all still be coming to our production of Hedwig and the Angry Inch…which will be even more awkward!

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Contact Elaine and Josh!

Want to say something to us? Don't feel like you can post a comment? No problem! You can get in contact with us here.

Elaine and Josh:

jepartyservice@gmail.com

Elaine:

elgray21@student.scad.edu

Josh:

jl3456@columbia.edu


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