Dear Jesus and/or Secret,
Thank you for not making me a complete idiot and for making me have an IQ greater than a monkey’s. I really appreciate it.
Today I was listening to the radio (of course to Channel 93.3, the only station that plays “Womanizer” [I’m still working on getting some airplay on Kyxy Soft Rock 96.5]), and the host had a little riddle titled “What’s in My Pants?” where basically you had to guess what was in his pants from three clues and then you could win tickets. Obviously the game was made for dirty minds. Here were the three clues:
- You have to be careful with it or the tip might break.
- The more you use it, the smaller it gets.
- It almost always carries a rubber.
So obviously Jesus, the answer is “pencil”. But a girl who was unlucky enough to broadcast her stupidity around San Diego guessed… wait for it…
WTF Jesus?! Why did you do that to this poor girl? What did she do to deserve this?
But I don’t mind, as long as it’s not me.
Once again, thank you for everything, especially all those holidays we celebrate for you because I know that’s just you making sure I don’t have to go to school all the time.
Yours in earnest,