Movie Review: “I Know Who Killed Me”

Since we’re such big Showgirls fans, we decided to see IKWKM, the Lindsay Lohan movie that has broken Showgirls record as winning the most Razzies.

So the “plot” goes that Lindsay Lohan plays Aubrey, a college student with a normal life, normal boyfriend, normal parents, and a normal hairless cat. All of sudden, the suburban town if rocked when a local girl is murdered. Everyone is on an edge, and Aubrey is kidnapped next. She is tortured and then found in a ditch somewhere. When she regains consciousness, she tells everyone she is not Aubrey, and is instead Dakota: a homeless stripper raised by a recently dead crack-addict who just happens to be identical in every aspect to Aubrey. SPOILERS! So in the end it turns out that Dakota is Aubrey’s identical twin. Aubrey’s “mother” had her baby stillborn, and Aubrey’s “father”, not wanting to upset his wife, bought one of the twin girls that the crack-addict nearby had just birthed on the same day. This girl grew up to be Aubrey, and her tiwn became Dakota the stripper. When Aubrey was kidnapped, her twin Dakota mysteriously suffered the same wounds at the same time through something called “Stigmata” or some made-up shit like that. So anyways, Dakota is able to figure it our and she suddenly knows that the killer is Aubrey’s piano teacher and magically knows his address, and then repeatedly stabs him in the neck and rescuses Aubery, who has been buried alive.

So obviously, it was pretty bad.

Maybe it didn’t have to be so bad. But it was. Lindsay obviously knew how shitty the whole thing was, and didn’t really put all her effort into it. And then the director chose to really overlay the subtext of “red is evil, blue is good” and literally just bathed the whole Dakota scenes in red and Aubrey’s in blue. It was pretty stupid.

But I still really liked it!

It wasn’t as good as Showgirls, but it definetly was entertaining and provided us with good lines like, “People get cut. That’s life. Sometimes they get cut in half.”

And it was scary, too!!! The torture was just gross (try ice to burn off her hand, cutting off her fingers/foot with a jagged piece of broken glass) and I didn’t even see most of it because it was just too much (but then again, I am a big baby when it comes to things like that so maybe that’s just me).

So I would give it a 7 out of 10 and recommend it to everyone!!


1 Response to “Movie Review: “I Know Who Killed Me””

  1. 1 bluebird login September 2, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    Sweet blog! I found it while browsing on Yahoo
    News. Do you have any tips on how to get listed in Yahoo News?
    I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem to get there!
    Appreciate it

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