You are walking around the mall. You are tuning out the bitch you went with who just won’t shut up. You are minding your own business. Then you see two people heading towards you engaged in active conversation. You sweat. You look for a path to avoid them.
But it’s too late. You hear two sentences of their conversation and then they’re gone.
You, my friend, have just become a victim of Awk Convo Eavesdropping.
It happens to the best of us, so we here at Bosh with Elaine and Josh do our best to cope with fellow victims. If ever we are attacked, we will share with you the chilling two sentences of awkward conversation, so that you know that are NOT alone.
Without further ado, here is Case #1: Brother’s Baby Bottle?
Place: Mesa College, San Diego, main stairs
When: Approximately 6:19PM
Assaulters: Two young, cacausian females, both wearing sunglasses.
The Attack: One female is telling the other female a story that seems to be interesting for both parties. One says: “….designated driver. So we go clubbing that night and my brother starts guzzling my bottle…!” End of attack.
- Female #1’s brother promised to be a the designated driver but accidentally mistakes vodka for water.
- Female #1 and her brother decide to join a young parenting club. Brother is disappointed by the lack of food and beverage at club meetings so he grabs Female #1’s bottle and starts drinking.
- Female #1 is telling a childhood story of the time her and her brother went miniature golfing and he chugged her entire milk bottle.
All three of these hypotheses are equally horrifying.
May Peace Be Upon Thee.